[It isn't that he's afraid of showing Cisco how he feels - it's a complicated thing, the desire to keep his composure. An ingrained response, a desire not to look stupid and weak, a desire not to be seen that way. It had always helped him, to keep pushing those things down somewhere deep inside himself so he could remain functional. Iris had always allowed it, had never pushed hard to make him express himself.

Cisco doesn't make it easy to keep things bottled up. When his hands come up to cup Eddie's face, he glances up at him, his blue eyes flicking up to Cisco's dark ones for a moment before he looks down again. Cisco is always fighting on his behalf, it seems, feeling so intensely all the things Eddie should probably be expressing and can't bring himself to. Cisco is reassuring him, protective of him, almost angry on his behalf as he tells him he didn't deserve to die.

After a few moments, after Cisco is done speaking, he finally manages to hold eye contact, takes a few shaky breaths.]

I wanted to be perfect. [It seems so simple.] Have a good career and a family. If I'd just stopped wanting that for myself and stayed the fat kid, I probably wouldn't have had any of that, and... [He shrugs.] That sounds really stupid, doesn't it? Now that I said it out loud, it sounds really stupid.

[For a moment, he's still. Quiet. He doesn't do well at this, expressing himself. He isn't good at it. It's hard to know what to say to people, but after a moment he speaks again.]

If not me, then who?