[ Cisco nods solemnly, without interrupting, when Claudia says she's lost a lot of people, that she feels like she can't lose anyone else without crumbling under the weight of it. It makes sense to him, from what she's told him. Her parents. Her brother (it counts). Jinx. Probably Eddie, too, in a way. He's going to have to be more careful, in the future, with Claudia. She is tough, but there's a fragility there under the surface that he needs to remember if he's going to be any kind of a decent friend to her. ]
I don't want bad things to happen to you, either. And- [ Maybe his priorities are wrong, but as soon as the thought enters his head, he has to say it, with an added bitterness in his voice that he's pretty sure Claudia's never heard before: ] I especially don't want anything bad to happen to you because of Dr. Wells.
[ That would be salt in the wound, would make Cisco feel somehow responsible even if he weren't. The last thing he wants is for his own Big Bad to become Claudia's. She deserves to live in an Eobard-free world. The fact that he can't give her that is terrifying, and infuriating. ]
I get that. My friend Ronnie - we thought he died in the particle accelerator explosion. Side note - also Eobard's fault. I kinda blamed myself for that, for a whole year. Once we found out he wasn't dead... I'd still spent that whole year feeling responsible for it. But this isn't like that. For me.
[ That incident might not have impacted him as awfully as losing her brother impacted Claudia, but it's a good enough analogy to demonstrate that he knows what he's talking about when he says that what happened in the other timeline is different and distinct. ]
It's weird, 'cause... [ Cisco had been about to say because I remember how it feels to die, but he remembers his decision to be a little more delicate with Claudia. Maybe that's a detail best kept to himself. He drops his gaze to his hands, picking at a cuticle and frowning as he finds the right words. ] I used to be pretty different. Like... a lot different. It messed me up pretty bad, even though it got undone. The kinda messed up that doesn't ever get all the way better.
[ He has to stop, clear his throat, fighting to keep his voice from filling up with too much emotion. It's a losing battle, and somehow the sound of him fighting it is almost more affecting than if he just let the hurt show openly. ]
So, basically, for me, it feels like something that really happened to me. I can remember all the details. It isn't like something I saw in a movie, or a dream. But at the same time, since Barry changed the timeline, it also feels like... it shouldn't count. Like I should be able to just say 'nevermind' and delete it. But that's not how it works.
[ Cisco laughs, then, just a huff of breath. What a mess it all is. ]
no subject
I don't want bad things to happen to you, either. And- [ Maybe his priorities are wrong, but as soon as the thought enters his head, he has to say it, with an added bitterness in his voice that he's pretty sure Claudia's never heard before: ] I especially don't want anything bad to happen to you because of Dr. Wells.
[ That would be salt in the wound, would make Cisco feel somehow responsible even if he weren't. The last thing he wants is for his own Big Bad to become Claudia's. She deserves to live in an Eobard-free world. The fact that he can't give her that is terrifying, and infuriating. ]
I get that. My friend Ronnie - we thought he died in the particle accelerator explosion. Side note - also Eobard's fault. I kinda blamed myself for that, for a whole year. Once we found out he wasn't dead... I'd still spent that whole year feeling responsible for it. But this isn't like that. For me.
[ That incident might not have impacted him as awfully as losing her brother impacted Claudia, but it's a good enough analogy to demonstrate that he knows what he's talking about when he says that what happened in the other timeline is different and distinct. ]
It's weird, 'cause... [ Cisco had been about to say because I remember how it feels to die, but he remembers his decision to be a little more delicate with Claudia. Maybe that's a detail best kept to himself. He drops his gaze to his hands, picking at a cuticle and frowning as he finds the right words. ] I used to be pretty different. Like... a lot different. It messed me up pretty bad, even though it got undone. The kinda messed up that doesn't ever get all the way better.
[ He has to stop, clear his throat, fighting to keep his voice from filling up with too much emotion. It's a losing battle, and somehow the sound of him fighting it is almost more affecting than if he just let the hurt show openly. ]
So, basically, for me, it feels like something that really happened to me. I can remember all the details. It isn't like something I saw in a movie, or a dream. But at the same time, since Barry changed the timeline, it also feels like... it shouldn't count. Like I should be able to just say 'nevermind' and delete it. But that's not how it works.
[ Cisco laughs, then, just a huff of breath. What a mess it all is. ]