[ Perhaps it's unfair, that Cisco had come into this expecting the opposite reaction from Harry. That he would tell him to just not think about it, or to stop making such a fuss about something that wasn't worth it to his eyes. Cisco knows that a lot has happened and changed since that very first conversation, and he'd thought he had already managed to uproot any old opinions of Harry based on the first impression he'd given when he was frantic about Jesse and acting callous and terrible towards everyone. But apparently Cisco had been wrong; some small part of him still remembered Harry laughing, and shrank from the possibility of him laughing again.
But now Harry is speaking to him, softly and bluntly, telling him that it does count. And even though his kneejerk reaction is to refuse Harry, it suddenly occurs to him that he is the one doing what Harry had done, that first time Cisco kissed him: that he's trying to make his decisions for him, that he is acting as if he knew what was best for Harry. So, not without effort, Cisco says: ]
Okay.
[ Cisco takes a small step forward, perches on that counter next to Harry. He is being as cautious with his proximity as Harry had been, because he doesn't want to startle himself into another vibe. But he takes it in increments. When sitting next to him proves okay, he settles his hand over Harry's. When that is okay, too, he lets his head fall to the side so that he can rest it on Harry's shoulder. It's hard to make himself believe it's okay to talk about it, but he remembers again the vibe he'd had and shivers, and then feels like he ought to explain since Harry probably could feel it. ]
Normally, when I vibe it- [ Betraying a bit more than he's meant to, there, by implying it's something not infrequent ] -I see it from my point of view, like it's a memory, but this time it wasn't. [ Cisco swallows, half wishing he hadn't started speaking, half relieved to be able to talk about it with someone. ] I mean I didn't think he cried or read poetry or whatever, but the second I was dead he just... turned around and left my body lying there on the ground like it was-
[ Cisco's voice cracks so badly then that he gives up on finishing the sentence. He shuts his eyes, presses his cheek into Harry's shoulder, and sighs. Harry might be able to decide what he deals with, but Cisco doesn't have that luxury. He's tried and tried NOT dealing with this, but it just kept coming back. He doesn't have the choice to opt out. ]
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But now Harry is speaking to him, softly and bluntly, telling him that it does count. And even though his kneejerk reaction is to refuse Harry, it suddenly occurs to him that he is the one doing what Harry had done, that first time Cisco kissed him: that he's trying to make his decisions for him, that he is acting as if he knew what was best for Harry. So, not without effort, Cisco says: ]
Okay.
[ Cisco takes a small step forward, perches on that counter next to Harry. He is being as cautious with his proximity as Harry had been, because he doesn't want to startle himself into another vibe. But he takes it in increments. When sitting next to him proves okay, he settles his hand over Harry's. When that is okay, too, he lets his head fall to the side so that he can rest it on Harry's shoulder. It's hard to make himself believe it's okay to talk about it, but he remembers again the vibe he'd had and shivers, and then feels like he ought to explain since Harry probably could feel it. ]
Normally, when I vibe it- [ Betraying a bit more than he's meant to, there, by implying it's something not infrequent ] -I see it from my point of view, like it's a memory, but this time it wasn't. [ Cisco swallows, half wishing he hadn't started speaking, half relieved to be able to talk about it with someone. ] I mean I didn't think he cried or read poetry or whatever, but the second I was dead he just... turned around and left my body lying there on the ground like it was-
[ Cisco's voice cracks so badly then that he gives up on finishing the sentence. He shuts his eyes, presses his cheek into Harry's shoulder, and sighs. Harry might be able to decide what he deals with, but Cisco doesn't have that luxury. He's tried and tried NOT dealing with this, but it just kept coming back. He doesn't have the choice to opt out. ]