[ Cisco shows up around 8:30, follows the sound of the music from the cortex to his lab. Or, what used to be his lab. It's been de fact his-and-Harry's lab for some months now. He'd given up that fight a while ago.
The fight about Harry's questionable taste in music, however, is still ongoing. As soon as Cisco steps in, he turns down the volume by a dozen or so clicks - there is a purpose for it this time, though, beyond just spite. He looks at the line of Harry's back as he is reading, tilting the chair back. If he's not careful, the whole thing will tip; Cisco's made that mistake before. ]
Guess who's hosting a sleepover with Iris and Caitlin, at my apartment?
[ Cisco delivers it as good news, and it is. Jesse making friends with anyone on Earth-1 is a very good sign, as is the fact that she felt comfortable enough making plans of her own. Maybe it would be good if she found a few friends her own age, but Iris and Caitlin at least already know a little about her. Cisco can understand how that might be ideal, considering the amount of explaining it cuts out of the equation.
(And he is glad, too, that empathy for what Jesse is going through was enough to draw Caitlin out of her cocoon of sadness; even if it's only for a night) ]
It was all pizza and nailpolish and Netflix when I left. I expect they'll still be awake by the time we get back.
[ We, not you. Cisco had come bearing more than just that one bit of good news. He has a bag slung over one shoulder, which clinks faintly when he puts it down. He takes out a leather portfolio, first, and after, a six-pack of beer. He can't suppress the grin that's tugging at his mouth as he says - ] Catch! [ And lobs the portfolio to Harrison. ]
A present, from Joe and me.
[ Inside the portfolio are an assortment of carefully forged documents. Birth certificate, social security card, driver's license, student records, medical records. All under the name of Jesse Wells. All showing her to by the daughter of Harrison Wells and Tess Morgan, born in Starling City sixteen years before. The work of coming up with a way to distinguish Harry from Thawne and his crimes is still underway, but Jesse and Cisco and Joe had all agreed on this: she wasn't going to change her name, take on a different identity, just in case they didn't manage to remove suspicion from Harry. She might be mad at him for dragging her from her world, but she still didn't want to pretend to be a person who wasn't his daughter.
And Cisco has an inkling, what that will mean to Harry. How relieved he will be that they are making progress, settling Jesse in. Which is why he brought the beer. If anyone could use a little celebration, it's Harry. They hadn't celebrated, when they got Jesse free. Jay's death had overshadowed that. But now... well, better late than never. Cisco opens two bottles, holds one out to Harry with raised eyebrows. ]
[ Harrison catches the portfolio and starts to flip through it. A "present" from Cisco and Joe could be anything, but this— this was more than a gift. A soft smile crosses his face when he sees the name on the records. He'd told Jesse he would be more than fine with her using a different surname. The truth is, he wouldn't be, but he would understand since the "Wells" name was mud at this point. Scorched earth, rather. Jesse didn't deserve to have that stigma hang over her head . . . but he was quietly grateful that she was still his daughter, even in this universe.
He glances over at Cisco, then shifts his gaze down to the beer and raises an eyebrow in turn. ]
Really?
[ If it sounds like he's judging Cisco's choice in beer, that's because he is. But Harrison reaches over to take it anyway with his free hand, rolling his eyes. ]
I'm assuming that this isn't a present from Detective West as well.
[ He lifts the beer at that before knocking it back. ]
[ Cisco can't help beaming, seeing Harry with his head bent, looking at the documents, smiling quietly to himself. Not the kind of smiles Cisco had seen on his face when Jesse was still being held captive. This is something much smaller, quieter. A private sort of smile. He almost feels bad for seeing it - almost. ]
Beggars can't be choosers.
[ Beer is beer is beer, as far as Cisco is concerned. It's not like he'd bought the really cheap, really nasty stuff either. Harry just has to find something to complain about, lest anyone mistake him for a decent human being. Cisco's grown pretty immune to it, to be honest. At first everything seemed a personal insult. Now Cisco can just roll his eyes and dismiss it as a part of his unique charm. ]
This one's all me.
[ He had been planning on making a toast - to your new life, something like that. But Harry beat him to the punch, so Cisco lets it slide, takes a drink from his own bottle. Then, because he's feeling generous, he bumps up the volume on the music again, smiling as he concedes: ]
[ He side-eyes Cisco at the backhanded music dig, smirking just a bit. It was a concession, true, but not really. ]
You guess. That's your problem, isn't it.
[ But there's no heat in it, like most of his offhand remarks like that these days. It's become much easier to settle in lately now that the others have grown accustomed to him as opposed to Eobard Thawne. It's been . . . nice, in a way. Comfortable. If he'd been told several months ago that he'd be perfectly at ease around these people and would even count them as friends, Harrison would have been hard pressed to believe it. But now . . .
He takes another drink, eyeing Cisco over the rim of his bottle. ]
This module has another three hours on it at least, you know.
[ Translation: he'll be here for at least four more hours before he even considers heading out to either place — Cisco's for the night, to check in on Jesse and the others, or the empty apartment that they're slowly moving everything into. He'd rather not hear complaining two hours in if Cisco does decide to stick around the lab for that long. ]
[ Cisco gives an entirely nonverbal response to that unspoken question of whether he wants to stay. He meets Harry's eyes and then downs the rest of his beer. Half of it was left, and he tilts his head back, throat working, smacking his lips loudly when he finishes. Then, he picks up a second, uncaps it, stares at Harry over its rim in a way that's clearly meant to mirror his own look.
He's staying. And he's celebrating, too.
Harry has that research to read, and Cisco's got a project of his own in the works; for a while the two of them work together in silence. Cisco's second beer becomes a third, and when that's empty by 11, he wanders out of the room and returns a few minutes later with a nearly-full bottle of whiskey in one hand, and two tumblers in the other.
It had been Eobard's - the one that Barry had given to him for Christmas. But Harry doesn't need to know that. Cisco pours two fingers for each of them. Tries to go back to the gloves he is designing (the ones that may, he hopes, help him find out whether he really can do all the same things as Reverb). Except he's tipsy enough, now, that the work doesn't hold his attention.
So, instead, he rolls his chair over to near where Harry is reading. Harry doesn't look up at him, which is a little annoying, so Cisco entertains himself. He does so by spinning his chair, not too fast, but combined with the booze, it doesn't take much. His head is resting on the back of the chair and he's grinning from ear to ear. Is it a little immature? Maybe. But the more immature thing would be to not do it, just because he's worried how it looks. ]
It's gonna be weird without you guys in the apartment anymore. I was just getting used to it.
[ Concentrating on reports is a lot harder when you're tipsy. Granted, Harrison hasn't had as much as Cisco and he's built what he considers to be a respectable tolerance over the years, but after two beers and a bit of whiskey over the course of a few hours, he's absolutely feeling it. What would have taken him a minute to read takes three, maybe four as he pauses to reread a sentence and make sure he understood the exact concept. His brows furrow in concentration, though it seems like a futile effort at this point.
He glances up when Cisco speaks, then chuckles. ]
I thought you'd be glad to get us out of your hair.
[ There were a number of reasons he'd sped up the process of finding a new place. Jesse needed her space. He needed his space. Cisco . . . probably didn't actually need his space, but they were in close quarters with one another for far too many hours a day, which didn't help matters. And then there were other matters that Harrison was very firmly ignoring. ]
Maybe a little bit glad. But it's nice to have someone in your hair now and then.
[ He's not really sure the phrase works so well, the other way around. Cisco can't bring himself to worry about it too much, because Harry chuckles, and it's such a warm sound. Not at all like how he laughed before they'd saved his his daughter, with an edge of meanness to it. Not at all like how Dr. Wells used to laugh, either; laughs that would make Cisco feel happy and cold all at the same time. He wants to hear it again, make Harry laugh more, louder. What would a real, full-body laugh from him sound like? How wonderful it would be, to find out.
Cisco nudges at Harry's chair with his foot as he turns, trying to set it spinning, too. He has definitely moved from being vaguely disruptive in Harry's space to actively preventing him from doing any work. But Cisco can tell how slowly he's been turning the pages. It's only polite to give him an excuse not to do any more work. ]
So you'll come and visit me?
[ His face feels warm, flushed a little with booze and, yes, happiness. Cisco stops spinning, but only so that he can pour himself a touch more of the whiskey. He doesn't really like the taste, but it's nice to not worry so much, not examine and re-examine every word he says in front of Harry, every action.
(Besides, it's not like it would be the first time Cisco has gotten drunk, in S.T.A.R. Labs.) ]
[ He lets out a huff and plants his feet on the ground to keep his chair from spinning more. Harrison may be going slow with the report, but he's got to make some headway in it if he wants to be able to start tinkering with prototypes by next week. He tilts his head to one side, giving Cisco a mild look over his papers. ]
Maybe.
[ He's not serious. He's seen the state of Cisco's apartment and he knows that it was far cleaner and better stocked than it usually was. At some point, he'd have to stop by and dump whatever leftovers he and Jesse have on him.
His eyes flick over to the whiskey briefly before shifting back to Cisco. ]
[ Cisco looks Harry dead in the eyes and drinks the rest of the whiskey he's just poured, only pulling a tiny face at the end, at the taste. Still, the burn of it going down his throat is very good, as is the feeling of that moment of impudence, of doing what Harry says he shouldn't, just to provoke him. He knows he can't do it too much, or risk actually making the man angry. But within limits? It's one of Cisco's favorite games to entertain himself. There's something so enjoyable about exasperating the man - in part because Cisco knows that behind the exasperation is something else. Tolerance. Fondness? Maybe that was too strong a word. ]
I'm not a lightweight.
[ Still, he sets the glass down, doesn't pour himself any more. ]
Why're you working, it's almost midnight. Don't you ever take a break?
[ It had made sense, while Jesse was missing. Had still made sense, those first few days he was adjusting to a life not lived in constant fear and urgency. But now? Now there is just no excuse. Cisco reaches out, tugs the research from Harry's hands and tosses it gently onto the desk, out of his reach. Then, he stares at Harry, as if looking hard enough would allow him to see into Harry's brain, understand what makes him tick. ]
What did you even do for fun on Earth-2, before the particle accelerator?
[ Cisco knows he was a leading scientific figure, and a single father. But even then, there must have been some kind of hobbies, recreations, friends, lovers. Something. He's sure, in a way he never entirely had been with Eobard Thawne, that Harry is a man made of flesh and blood and nerve. That he has weaknesses, like anyone else. ]
[ Harrison rolls his eyes as Cisco downs the rest of his glass, turning his attention back to his papers. It's short lived though. Idly, he knows he's more than tipsy right now when Cisco is able to snatch the reports from his hands with ease, and he lets out a huff of protest before settling back in against his chair, eyeing him flatly.
Because that's a question he hadn't thought of in awhile. What did he do for fun? The particle accelerator came online right around Jesse's high school graduation; before that, it was raising her and running S.T.A.R. Labs at the same time. It was work, but it was satisfying. He'd never felt like he was left wanting back in those days, when he had something to work towards and someone to look after. ]
Funny thing, Ramon. When you're a CEO and the sole parent of a young girl, both of those tend to eat up your time. [ He shrugs. ] But. I read.
[ Which is a neutral answer, but it's also the truth. It was the easiest thing to do in what little downtime he had, from boardroom meetings where he attempted to look busy to waiting out in the car outside of the mall for Jesse to finish up. It was how most of the lab assistants had gotten to know him — he'd strike up a conversation about the latest scientific journal to be published, what it could mean for their future, their takes on it, and so on.
Harrison wasn't one to go out much these days. Before, he was busy. Then, he was tired or running himself ragged working on a solution to their Zoom problem. Now, he looked like a confessed murderer. ]
[ It's true that Cisco wouldn't know the first thing about running a company, or about raising a child. But he does know a little about working hard. Still, he had always made time for other things. Movies and video games and, yes, books and journals. But also, drinks, and bars, and dancing, and more than a few bad decisions. He didn't expect Harry's answer would be anything like that, but... ]
You read. That's it? C'mon, Harry, there's gotta be more. You listen to music. [ Cisco gestures at the computer which is still making its way through Harry's playlist ] I know you've at least seen, like, a couple good movies.
[ Cisco's head feels a little heavy on his neck, his limbs loose and warm, the words coming from him with less and less time for editing in his brain. ]
There's no way you haven't got at least one tiny, itsy bitsy vice. [ He holds up thumb and forefinger, barely a centimeter apart. Cisco's smiling at Harry, eyes bright and dark, biting at his bottom lip just a little. ] Is it so bad you're worried to tell me?
[ A clumsy tactic, maybe. But clumsy tactics worked, sometimes. Cisco's too tipsy for anything subtle, and subtle's never worked much on Earth-2's Harrison Wells, anyway. ]
[ He raises an eyebrow, crossing his arms at that. He'd given up a lot over the past decade and some change, he knows. A movie here, drinks out there, but beyond that, his family and his work had been his life. Harrison nods over at Cisco. ]
I do what anyone else does. What are you fishing for, exactly?
[ At that, he leans forward, eyeing him suspiciously. Sometimes, Cisco would pick at things just because he could, because he wanted to know and felt like he had to know. It annoyed Harrison to no end at times, but he'd mostly gotten used to it. Now, it was bordering on annoying again. If he wanted something, he should just come out and say it.
He uncrosses his arms, resting his hands on his knees and continuing to lean forward, eyeing him coolly. ]
[ Cisco doesn't know what he's fishing for. Doesn't think of himself as fishing for anything in particular, until Harry calls him out on it. He can tell from the shift in Harry's demeanor that he's struck a nerve, or close to one. Cisco doesn't want him angry; senses immediately when to shift, approach from a different angle. His smile widens, changes, voice pitched a bit lower when he says: ]
All I'm sayin' is I think it's been a long-ass time since you had some actual fun, and maybe if you did, it would be good for you.
[ He lets his inflection slip between the two meanings of that phrase - good for you the way regular doctor visits are good for you, and good for you the way it would come out if he'd been saying 'I can make it good for you'.
It's not as if Cisco has never flirted with Harry before. There have been times when he has toed that line, obliquely, briefly. But this is different. Blatant. Cisco lets his gaze go hot, lets his head fall to the side a few degrees, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth more fully, in open appreciation of what he sees when he looks at Harry.
Cisco knows he shouldn't. Shouldn't because Harry's still staying with him (he's already signed the lease on his new place). Shouldn't because they work together (their jobs are so far from conventional, what does it matter?). Shouldn't because he's had a bit to drink (like that's ever stopped him in his life). Shouldn't because Harry's old enough to be his father (that's never even slowed him down). Shouldn't because he's pretty sure Harry is straight (but there've been moments when Cisco is sure he catches Harry's eyes on him, just for a split second). Shouldn't because Harry looks exactly the same as... well. That's the one and only shouldn't Cisco can't quite talk himself out of.
But one single shouldn't makes a poor dam against all the things Cisco has imagined, all the things Cisco has barely dared to let himself want.
So he leans forward, too. Mirroring Harry, at first, except that he puts his hands on the armrests of Harry's chair, drags himself forward until their knees knock together. And then, the momentum is enough that Cisco lets himself keep going. Lets himself close the distance between Harry's mouth and his, his eyes slipping shut as he kisses him. It's a playful kiss, curious and insistent and hungry all at once. Like he's wanted to do this for ages. Like he's having the time of his life. Like he can't imagine anything better in the world. ]
[ It's a bad idea. It's been a bad idea for quite some time and something that Harrison has been quietly resisting and putting his foot down about. But there are some things he can't ignore. He's surprised at first when Cisco leans in and— there's enough time that he could pull away if he wants to. He could push Cisco's chair back playfully, mock him for his lack of sobriety and play it off as some joke and then move on with their lives.
Instead, his lips part as he meets that kiss with a curiosity of his own, a hint of caution there. Instictively, he lifts a hand from his lap and rests it at the back of Cisco's neck, bracing.
There are so many reasons he shouldn't. He's taking advantage, just like Thawne did. They're all still recovering from a massive amount of trauma. And most importantly, nothing good can come of this, especially for Cisco. But in this one moment, in a haze of alcohol and lack of a good night's sleep, it's hard to clearly see that or allow for it to be the sobering moment it should be.
He's not going to stop it, not just yet. Because despite how every logical impulse in his brain is screaming for him to knock it off, Cisco wasn't wrong. It feels . . . good. For once. ]
[ Cisco had been more than half expecting swift, vehement rejection. Even though from time to time Cisco thought he saw Harry looking at him in a certain way, he could have been wrong. Or Harry could have been in denial. And besides - there's a big difference between looking and doing something about it.
So when Harry does not immediately reel away or shove Cisco back out of his space, it comes as a surprise. Harry's cautious reciprocation of the kiss feels like monumental. Cisco relaxes perceptibly when Harry lays a hand on his neck - quite the opposite of how he used to grow tense and jumpy any time Harry came anywhere near him. At first the kiss is goading, even a touch demanding. As soon as Harry kisses back, though, Cisco stops pushing so much, lets it become something slower, sweeter.
It is at once exactly like kissing Dr. Wells had been, and completely different. The physical details are the same - the pressure of that hand against his neck, the feel of those lips - but everything else has changed. Cisco brings a hand up to run fingers through Harry's hair, deepening the kiss a little, letting himself not think about anything for a moment except how different this is to what he expected. What else would be different, too...? ]
[ At first, he's content to see where this goes — something that he's sure is, in part, the alcohol talking. But after the pressure cooker of the past four months, Harrison can't be too bothered to care much about that. It's comforting in a way. It's . . . nice. It's been awhile since he's really cut loose and been close with someone in any fashion. College was a thing, as were the few years after. And then, there was Tess. No matter how stupid he was, he always came back around to the brilliant, the delightful Tess Morgan. Her passing devastated him and though he kept a brave face on for Jesse, it was unthinkable for him to put himself back out there for the longest time. And anything since was casual at best, strangers in passing or people he was unlikely to really see again, with encounters few and far in between as he drowned himself in more and more work. But this in contrast was different. It was light, it was involved, it was—
Something seems to click in his brain when Cisco lifts a hand to his head, and Harrison immediately tenses up. They're both drunk and he looks like Ramon's ex-superior. The one he had a close relationship with, whatever that looks like. There's a lot of complications at play — near death experiences, unfortunate doppelgangers, a near insatiable need for contact after god knows how long on his part apparently, among other things. They had to stop. They needed to stop. And that was an intensely frustrating thought and isn't that just like Ramon.
Harrison breaks off the kiss, pulling back abruptly though still in close proximity. His hand still rests at the beack of Cisco's neck, though his fingers are curled now with tension. When he speaks, it's a soft rasp. ]
No. [ A beat as he catches his breath. ] Damnit, Ramon.
[ Impossible, not to tense at the sound of that no. Not to feel a prickle of rejection, worry, humiliation. But it's not as bad as it might have been, if Harry hadn't kissed him back, first. If Cisco's lips weren't a touch numb from the feeling of Harry's mouth moving against him. That had been his first reaction, his gut reaction. And this? Is something else ]
'No' because you don't want to, or 'no' because you think you shouldn't?
[ Cisco's heart is beating hard, his breaths coming a touch quick. Cisco doesn't move out of Harry's space. He bumps the tips of their noses together, waits for Harry's answer with his dark eyes fixed on him, hand still moving very softly through Harry's hair. ]
[ Not the first one. He's wanted to for— he's not sure for how long, not really, but that doesn't particularly matter with Cisco not even mere inches away. It takes every cell in his body to keep himself from leaning in to his touch, to throw caution to the wind and get right back to where they'd left off.
But it's a bad idea for so many reasons. The biggest one looms over the lab, still lurking in corners of the time vault, whispers in the data they analyze, a shade that hasn't quite faded away just yet. There are a number of others, but that one hangs heavily at the forefront of his mind. And as long as it's there, he can't.
Harrison's eyes narrow and he pulls back, lowering his hand. ]
[ Ah yes, morals. So hard for Cisco to tell sometimes, where Harry's lie. Which lines he'll cross and which he won't. He's done some things that are inexcusable by anyone's standards. And he's also been noble, selfless, righteous. Cisco wouldn't have been surprised if it were pride, keeping Harry from making a move. But this? He hadn't expected.
(Moral objections had never been a real problem with the previous Dr. Wells, which in hindsight should have been a warning sign; he'd only asked if Cisco was sure, and then accepted his answer - warmly, in a way that made Cisco feel mature, respected, different from other people, special.) ]
Not drunk enough that you need to worry about taking advantage.
[ He doesn't follow when Harry puts distance between them, though it's a challenge not to. It might look desperate, and that's not an appealing trait. But he keeps his eyes on Harry, moving between his eyes and his mouth. ]
Believe me. I know what I'm doing. That wasn't an impulse kiss, I've wanted to do that for, like, a long time. [ A hint of a smirk, which Cisco hopes will demonstrate that he's in his full faculties, capable of making this decision. ] And y'know what? Just as good as I expected.
[ A little gentle flattery never hurt, did it. But he says it with a touch of humor, not slavishly ]
You're drunk and therefore more prone to making poor choices than you are normally. No, Ramon.
[ Which is really only the tip of the iceberg but he's not having that conversation now, not when they're both still intoxicated and therefore watching what they're saying. He rolls his eyes at the "compliment," crossing his arms almost immediately. ]
Cute. [ His tone is dry, oozing with sarcasm. ] I'm going back to work now.
[ With that, he turns his chair back towards his modules, slipping his glasses back on and staring intently. It's meant to be a brush off, but it's also an easy out for Cisco. Just go and say you were drunk later and we can forget all about this. ]
[ Cisco is definitely not taking that out. Not in a million years. He scoots his chair right up between Harry and the modules in question, getting in his way, refusing to let him turn his back. He can be just as obstinate as Harry, thanks very much. ]
There's no scientific evidence that a moderate amount of alcohol influences decision-making at all. There's like, a dozen double-blind studies that show that it's mostly the perception of social permission that drinking gives people that makes them do stupid shit they regret later.
[ Cisco tries to catch Harry's eyes, expression stubborn and determined and, even though he doesn't mean it to be, a tiny bit hurt. ]
And I make great choices.
[ He's starting to really worry now, that he won't be able to get Harry to listen to him. That Harry will ruin everything before it has a chance to be anything. ]
Harry, why are you doing this? And don't even try to act like you weren't into it, okay.
[ He was mildly frustrated before. Now he's— not quite mad, but severely annoyed. Harrison glares back at Cisco, jaw set. ]
This, Ramon? Is a mistake. And it's not one I'm going to allow for either of us to make. You can throw out as many excuses as you'd like. That's not going to make it any more acceptable.
[ He pauses, chewing at his lip briefly. Deep down, he knows what the biggest issue at hand is, though he'd rather not put it into words. It's not jealousy; he's never necessarily felt that towards the man he's met once, briefly and much earlier in his timeline. But it is uncomfortable to say the least.
. . . What the hell. ]
Besides. You can't tell me that some small part of this isn't about him. And until you can, with absolute confidence, there's nothing to discuss here.
[ Cisco knows who Harry means by him, of course. This is the first time either of them has brought up Eobard in this context. For one moment, Cisco thinks that maybe Harry hasn’t guessed, maybe he doesn’t know... but Harry’s expression is eloquent. He figured out that there had been something between Cisco and the first Dr. Wells. Something, as he put it, unacceptable. ]
Oh.
[ That realization punctures Cisco’s confidence; he drops his gaze, tucks his hair back for something to do with his hands. Swallows. It’s not like this has never happened before. Sure, Barry and Caitlin don’t know, but Joe put it together. Still, Harry knowing is… a problem. ]
You’re right. I can’t tell you that.
[ Maybe he would have dropped it there, if he were sober. Instead, Cisco licks his lips and then says in a rush ]
But I can tell you that if I went out right now and picked up someone in a bar, that would be about him, too. And… when I with Kendra, that was about him, too. I’m not gonna be able to be with anyone for a long time without it being kinda about him.
[ Honesty might not be the best policy here, if he wants Harry to keep kissing him, but Cisco thinks he owes it to Harry. Because he’s not some anonymous hookup for Cisco to work out his issues on. He’s… a friend. A colleague. A man that Cisco respects, despite how much they goad each other. ]
It’s not like I’m kissing you and pretending you’re him, or something screwed up like that. I mean, yeah, I’m attracted to you and you do look the same and maybe that’s a little fucked up, but the reason I kissed you is… it’s because you’re not like him. At all. You don’t – [ Cisco breaks off, swallows ] – you don’t treat me the way he did.
[ The anger seems to seep out of him slowly at that explanation. It makes sense, though it doesn't really help matters in his eyes. The fact of the matter is that the "Wells" that Cisco was with never even existed to begin with — it was a persona that Eobard Thawne had put on. Harrison could never live up to that when it was practically an ideal to begin with. Throwing Thawne's plotting into the mix just made it even more uncomfortable. If he were anyone else in the world, that might still be something they could work out. But he was, for all intents and purposes, Harrison Wells and everything that entails. Cisco could say it's different all he wants, but that won't dispel the ghost that still lingers around him.
. . . which is a concept that's difficult to explain when sober, nevermind when he's got a few drinks in his system. Harrison rubs at his temples briefly, then gives him a long look. If this were just casual, if there weren't any Thawne-related entanglements at all, then— what the hell. They're adults who need to let off some steam every now and then. But it's not, and that's just another can of worms, isn't it.
When he speaks again, Harrison just sounds tired. ]
Cisco. [ A beat, and then he waves a hand dismissively. ] The difference is that you going off casually with someone is still healthier than this. [ At that, he gestures between the two of them. ] At least that way, you'd be moving on to some degree. This . . .
[ His voice trails off as he considers his words for a moment, before huffing. ]
[ Cisco lets his tone sink lower, like Harry's, but the look on his face is just as stubborn as before. Even if Harry ends up still saying no, it's important for Cisco that he understand what it is he's saying no to. That he doesn't mishandle this crucial moment and then end up regretting it for a long time after. Maybe kissing Harry while drunk had been a bad idea. They should have talked about this first, and then moved onto the kissing later.
Except that Cisco would not have had the confidence to make his case so strongly, if he didn't know, for sure, that some part of Harry wanted him. That he wasn't setting himself up for complete humiliation ]
This is like, the ultimate moving on. If I can kiss you and think about only you, that means I'm... getting past it. Getting healthier, or whatever. And I'm not sayin' that that's the reason I did it, like as some kind of test for myself. Not at all.
[ In for a penny, in for a pound: he'd damned himself already so he might as well just come out with all of it. ]
I did it because I like you. You, Harry. [ Cisco swallows, tilts his chin up higher, defiant and trying for dignity even though it's hard, at the moment. ] You don't have to protect me from myself, or anything like that. I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions. And I decided that you needed a good kiss and I wanted to be the one to do it.
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franciscoramon) wrote2015-02-21 01:38 am
no subject
The fight about Harry's questionable taste in music, however, is still ongoing. As soon as Cisco steps in, he turns down the volume by a dozen or so clicks - there is a purpose for it this time, though, beyond just spite. He looks at the line of Harry's back as he is reading, tilting the chair back. If he's not careful, the whole thing will tip; Cisco's made that mistake before. ]
Guess who's hosting a sleepover with Iris and Caitlin, at my apartment?
[ Cisco delivers it as good news, and it is. Jesse making friends with anyone on Earth-1 is a very good sign, as is the fact that she felt comfortable enough making plans of her own. Maybe it would be good if she found a few friends her own age, but Iris and Caitlin at least already know a little about her. Cisco can understand how that might be ideal, considering the amount of explaining it cuts out of the equation.
(And he is glad, too, that empathy for what Jesse is going through was enough to draw Caitlin out of her cocoon of sadness; even if it's only for a night) ]
It was all pizza and nailpolish and Netflix when I left. I expect they'll still be awake by the time we get back.
[ We, not you. Cisco had come bearing more than just that one bit of good news. He has a bag slung over one shoulder, which clinks faintly when he puts it down. He takes out a leather portfolio, first, and after, a six-pack of beer. He can't suppress the grin that's tugging at his mouth as he says - ] Catch! [ And lobs the portfolio to Harrison. ]
A present, from Joe and me.
[ Inside the portfolio are an assortment of carefully forged documents. Birth certificate, social security card, driver's license, student records, medical records. All under the name of Jesse Wells. All showing her to by the daughter of Harrison Wells and Tess Morgan, born in Starling City sixteen years before. The work of coming up with a way to distinguish Harry from Thawne and his crimes is still underway, but Jesse and Cisco and Joe had all agreed on this: she wasn't going to change her name, take on a different identity, just in case they didn't manage to remove suspicion from Harry. She might be mad at him for dragging her from her world, but she still didn't want to pretend to be a person who wasn't his daughter.
And Cisco has an inkling, what that will mean to Harry. How relieved he will be that they are making progress, settling Jesse in. Which is why he brought the beer. If anyone could use a little celebration, it's Harry. They hadn't celebrated, when they got Jesse free. Jay's death had overshadowed that. But now... well, better late than never. Cisco opens two bottles, holds one out to Harry with raised eyebrows. ]
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He glances over at Cisco, then shifts his gaze down to the beer and raises an eyebrow in turn. ]
Really?
[ If it sounds like he's judging Cisco's choice in beer, that's because he is. But Harrison reaches over to take it anyway with his free hand, rolling his eyes. ]
I'm assuming that this isn't a present from Detective West as well.
[ He lifts the beer at that before knocking it back. ]
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Beggars can't be choosers.
[ Beer is beer is beer, as far as Cisco is concerned. It's not like he'd bought the really cheap, really nasty stuff either. Harry just has to find something to complain about, lest anyone mistake him for a decent human being. Cisco's grown pretty immune to it, to be honest. At first everything seemed a personal insult. Now Cisco can just roll his eyes and dismiss it as a part of his unique charm. ]
This one's all me.
[ He had been planning on making a toast - to your new life, something like that. But Harry beat him to the punch, so Cisco lets it slide, takes a drink from his own bottle. Then, because he's feeling generous, he bumps up the volume on the music again, smiling as he concedes: ]
I guess this song's not too bad.
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You guess. That's your problem, isn't it.
[ But there's no heat in it, like most of his offhand remarks like that these days. It's become much easier to settle in lately now that the others have grown accustomed to him as opposed to Eobard Thawne. It's been . . . nice, in a way. Comfortable. If he'd been told several months ago that he'd be perfectly at ease around these people and would even count them as friends, Harrison would have been hard pressed to believe it. But now . . .
He takes another drink, eyeing Cisco over the rim of his bottle. ]
This module has another three hours on it at least, you know.
[ Translation: he'll be here for at least four more hours before he even considers heading out to either place — Cisco's for the night, to check in on Jesse and the others, or the empty apartment that they're slowly moving everything into. He'd rather not hear complaining two hours in if Cisco does decide to stick around the lab for that long. ]
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He's staying. And he's celebrating, too.
Harry has that research to read, and Cisco's got a project of his own in the works; for a while the two of them work together in silence. Cisco's second beer becomes a third, and when that's empty by 11, he wanders out of the room and returns a few minutes later with a nearly-full bottle of whiskey in one hand, and two tumblers in the other.
It had been Eobard's - the one that Barry had given to him for Christmas. But Harry doesn't need to know that. Cisco pours two fingers for each of them. Tries to go back to the gloves he is designing (the ones that may, he hopes, help him find out whether he really can do all the same things as Reverb). Except he's tipsy enough, now, that the work doesn't hold his attention.
So, instead, he rolls his chair over to near where Harry is reading. Harry doesn't look up at him, which is a little annoying, so Cisco entertains himself. He does so by spinning his chair, not too fast, but combined with the booze, it doesn't take much. His head is resting on the back of the chair and he's grinning from ear to ear. Is it a little immature? Maybe. But the more immature thing would be to not do it, just because he's worried how it looks. ]
It's gonna be weird without you guys in the apartment anymore. I was just getting used to it.
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He glances up when Cisco speaks, then chuckles. ]
I thought you'd be glad to get us out of your hair.
[ There were a number of reasons he'd sped up the process of finding a new place. Jesse needed her space. He needed his space. Cisco . . . probably didn't actually need his space, but they were in close quarters with one another for far too many hours a day, which didn't help matters. And then there were other matters that Harrison was very firmly ignoring. ]
We're not going that far.
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[ He's not really sure the phrase works so well, the other way around. Cisco can't bring himself to worry about it too much, because Harry chuckles, and it's such a warm sound. Not at all like how he laughed before they'd saved his his daughter, with an edge of meanness to it. Not at all like how Dr. Wells used to laugh, either; laughs that would make Cisco feel happy and cold all at the same time. He wants to hear it again, make Harry laugh more, louder. What would a real, full-body laugh from him sound like? How wonderful it would be, to find out.
Cisco nudges at Harry's chair with his foot as he turns, trying to set it spinning, too. He has definitely moved from being vaguely disruptive in Harry's space to actively preventing him from doing any work. But Cisco can tell how slowly he's been turning the pages. It's only polite to give him an excuse not to do any more work. ]
So you'll come and visit me?
[ His face feels warm, flushed a little with booze and, yes, happiness. Cisco stops spinning, but only so that he can pour himself a touch more of the whiskey. He doesn't really like the taste, but it's nice to not worry so much, not examine and re-examine every word he says in front of Harry, every action.
(Besides, it's not like it would be the first time Cisco has gotten drunk, in S.T.A.R. Labs.) ]
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Maybe.
[ He's not serious. He's seen the state of Cisco's apartment and he knows that it was far cleaner and better stocked than it usually was. At some point, he'd have to stop by and dump whatever leftovers he and Jesse have on him.
His eyes flick over to the whiskey briefly before shifting back to Cisco. ]
Haven't you had enough?
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I'm not a lightweight.
[ Still, he sets the glass down, doesn't pour himself any more. ]
Why're you working, it's almost midnight. Don't you ever take a break?
[ It had made sense, while Jesse was missing. Had still made sense, those first few days he was adjusting to a life not lived in constant fear and urgency. But now? Now there is just no excuse. Cisco reaches out, tugs the research from Harry's hands and tosses it gently onto the desk, out of his reach. Then, he stares at Harry, as if looking hard enough would allow him to see into Harry's brain, understand what makes him tick. ]
What did you even do for fun on Earth-2, before the particle accelerator?
[ Cisco knows he was a leading scientific figure, and a single father. But even then, there must have been some kind of hobbies, recreations, friends, lovers. Something. He's sure, in a way he never entirely had been with Eobard Thawne, that Harry is a man made of flesh and blood and nerve. That he has weaknesses, like anyone else. ]
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Because that's a question he hadn't thought of in awhile. What did he do for fun? The particle accelerator came online right around Jesse's high school graduation; before that, it was raising her and running S.T.A.R. Labs at the same time. It was work, but it was satisfying. He'd never felt like he was left wanting back in those days, when he had something to work towards and someone to look after. ]
Funny thing, Ramon. When you're a CEO and the sole parent of a young girl, both of those tend to eat up your time. [ He shrugs. ] But. I read.
[ Which is a neutral answer, but it's also the truth. It was the easiest thing to do in what little downtime he had, from boardroom meetings where he attempted to look busy to waiting out in the car outside of the mall for Jesse to finish up. It was how most of the lab assistants had gotten to know him — he'd strike up a conversation about the latest scientific journal to be published, what it could mean for their future, their takes on it, and so on.
Harrison wasn't one to go out much these days. Before, he was busy. Then, he was tired or running himself ragged working on a solution to their Zoom problem. Now, he looked like a confessed murderer. ]
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You read. That's it? C'mon, Harry, there's gotta be more. You listen to music. [ Cisco gestures at the computer which is still making its way through Harry's playlist ] I know you've at least seen, like, a couple good movies.
[ Cisco's head feels a little heavy on his neck, his limbs loose and warm, the words coming from him with less and less time for editing in his brain. ]
There's no way you haven't got at least one tiny, itsy bitsy vice. [ He holds up thumb and forefinger, barely a centimeter apart. Cisco's smiling at Harry, eyes bright and dark, biting at his bottom lip just a little. ] Is it so bad you're worried to tell me?
[ A clumsy tactic, maybe. But clumsy tactics worked, sometimes. Cisco's too tipsy for anything subtle, and subtle's never worked much on Earth-2's Harrison Wells, anyway. ]
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I do what anyone else does. What are you fishing for, exactly?
[ At that, he leans forward, eyeing him suspiciously. Sometimes, Cisco would pick at things just because he could, because he wanted to know and felt like he had to know. It annoyed Harrison to no end at times, but he'd mostly gotten used to it. Now, it was bordering on annoying again. If he wanted something, he should just come out and say it.
He uncrosses his arms, resting his hands on his knees and continuing to lean forward, eyeing him coolly. ]
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All I'm sayin' is I think it's been a long-ass time since you had some actual fun, and maybe if you did, it would be good for you.
[ He lets his inflection slip between the two meanings of that phrase - good for you the way regular doctor visits are good for you, and good for you the way it would come out if he'd been saying 'I can make it good for you'.
It's not as if Cisco has never flirted with Harry before. There have been times when he has toed that line, obliquely, briefly. But this is different. Blatant. Cisco lets his gaze go hot, lets his head fall to the side a few degrees, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth more fully, in open appreciation of what he sees when he looks at Harry.
Cisco knows he shouldn't. Shouldn't because Harry's still staying with him (he's already signed the lease on his new place). Shouldn't because they work together (their jobs are so far from conventional, what does it matter?). Shouldn't because he's had a bit to drink (like that's ever stopped him in his life). Shouldn't because Harry's old enough to be his father (that's never even slowed him down). Shouldn't because he's pretty sure Harry is straight (but there've been moments when Cisco is sure he catches Harry's eyes on him, just for a split second). Shouldn't because Harry looks exactly the same as... well. That's the one and only shouldn't Cisco can't quite talk himself out of.
But one single shouldn't makes a poor dam against all the things Cisco has imagined, all the things Cisco has barely dared to let himself want.
So he leans forward, too. Mirroring Harry, at first, except that he puts his hands on the armrests of Harry's chair, drags himself forward until their knees knock together. And then, the momentum is enough that Cisco lets himself keep going. Lets himself close the distance between Harry's mouth and his, his eyes slipping shut as he kisses him. It's a playful kiss, curious and insistent and hungry all at once. Like he's wanted to do this for ages. Like he's having the time of his life. Like he can't imagine anything better in the world. ]
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Instead, his lips part as he meets that kiss with a curiosity of his own, a hint of caution there. Instictively, he lifts a hand from his lap and rests it at the back of Cisco's neck, bracing.
There are so many reasons he shouldn't. He's taking advantage, just like Thawne did. They're all still recovering from a massive amount of trauma. And most importantly, nothing good can come of this, especially for Cisco. But in this one moment, in a haze of alcohol and lack of a good night's sleep, it's hard to clearly see that or allow for it to be the sobering moment it should be.
He's not going to stop it, not just yet. Because despite how every logical impulse in his brain is screaming for him to knock it off, Cisco wasn't wrong. It feels . . . good. For once. ]
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So when Harry does not immediately reel away or shove Cisco back out of his space, it comes as a surprise. Harry's cautious reciprocation of the kiss feels like monumental. Cisco relaxes perceptibly when Harry lays a hand on his neck - quite the opposite of how he used to grow tense and jumpy any time Harry came anywhere near him. At first the kiss is goading, even a touch demanding. As soon as Harry kisses back, though, Cisco stops pushing so much, lets it become something slower, sweeter.
It is at once exactly like kissing Dr. Wells had been, and completely different. The physical details are the same - the pressure of that hand against his neck, the feel of those lips - but everything else has changed. Cisco brings a hand up to run fingers through Harry's hair, deepening the kiss a little, letting himself not think about anything for a moment except how different this is to what he expected. What else would be different, too...? ]
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Something seems to click in his brain when Cisco lifts a hand to his head, and Harrison immediately tenses up. They're both drunk and he looks like Ramon's ex-superior. The one he had a close relationship with, whatever that looks like. There's a lot of complications at play — near death experiences, unfortunate doppelgangers, a near insatiable need for contact after god knows how long on his part apparently, among other things. They had to stop. They needed to stop. And that was an intensely frustrating thought and isn't that just like Ramon.
Harrison breaks off the kiss, pulling back abruptly though still in close proximity. His hand still rests at the beack of Cisco's neck, though his fingers are curled now with tension. When he speaks, it's a soft rasp. ]
No. [ A beat as he catches his breath. ] Damnit, Ramon.
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'No' because you don't want to, or 'no' because you think you shouldn't?
[ Cisco's heart is beating hard, his breaths coming a touch quick. Cisco doesn't move out of Harry's space. He bumps the tips of their noses together, waits for Harry's answer with his dark eyes fixed on him, hand still moving very softly through Harry's hair. ]
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But it's a bad idea for so many reasons. The biggest one looms over the lab, still lurking in corners of the time vault, whispers in the data they analyze, a shade that hasn't quite faded away just yet. There are a number of others, but that one hangs heavily at the forefront of his mind. And as long as it's there, he can't.
Harrison's eyes narrow and he pulls back, lowering his hand. ]
You're drunk, Ramon.
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(Moral objections had never been a real problem with the previous Dr. Wells, which in hindsight should have been a warning sign; he'd only asked if Cisco was sure, and then accepted his answer - warmly, in a way that made Cisco feel mature, respected, different from other people, special.) ]
Not drunk enough that you need to worry about taking advantage.
[ He doesn't follow when Harry puts distance between them, though it's a challenge not to. It might look desperate, and that's not an appealing trait. But he keeps his eyes on Harry, moving between his eyes and his mouth. ]
Believe me. I know what I'm doing. That wasn't an impulse kiss, I've wanted to do that for, like, a long time. [ A hint of a smirk, which Cisco hopes will demonstrate that he's in his full faculties, capable of making this decision. ] And y'know what? Just as good as I expected.
[ A little gentle flattery never hurt, did it. But he says it with a touch of humor, not slavishly ]
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[ Which is really only the tip of the iceberg but he's not having that conversation now, not when they're both still intoxicated and therefore watching what they're saying. He rolls his eyes at the "compliment," crossing his arms almost immediately. ]
Cute. [ His tone is dry, oozing with sarcasm. ] I'm going back to work now.
[ With that, he turns his chair back towards his modules, slipping his glasses back on and staring intently. It's meant to be a brush off, but it's also an easy out for Cisco. Just go and say you were drunk later and we can forget all about this. ]
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There's no scientific evidence that a moderate amount of alcohol influences decision-making at all. There's like, a dozen double-blind studies that show that it's mostly the perception of social permission that drinking gives people that makes them do stupid shit they regret later.
[ Cisco tries to catch Harry's eyes, expression stubborn and determined and, even though he doesn't mean it to be, a tiny bit hurt. ]
And I make great choices.
[ He's starting to really worry now, that he won't be able to get Harry to listen to him. That Harry will ruin everything before it has a chance to be anything. ]
Harry, why are you doing this? And don't even try to act like you weren't into it, okay.
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This, Ramon? Is a mistake. And it's not one I'm going to allow for either of us to make. You can throw out as many excuses as you'd like. That's not going to make it any more acceptable.
[ He pauses, chewing at his lip briefly. Deep down, he knows what the biggest issue at hand is, though he'd rather not put it into words. It's not jealousy; he's never necessarily felt that towards the man he's met once, briefly and much earlier in his timeline. But it is uncomfortable to say the least.
. . . What the hell. ]
Besides. You can't tell me that some small part of this isn't about him. And until you can, with absolute confidence, there's nothing to discuss here.
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Oh.
[ That realization punctures Cisco’s confidence; he drops his gaze, tucks his hair back for something to do with his hands. Swallows. It’s not like this has never happened before. Sure, Barry and Caitlin don’t know, but Joe put it together. Still, Harry knowing is… a problem. ]
You’re right. I can’t tell you that.
[ Maybe he would have dropped it there, if he were sober. Instead, Cisco licks his lips and then says in a rush ]
But I can tell you that if I went out right now and picked up someone in a bar, that would be about him, too. And… when I with Kendra, that was about him, too. I’m not gonna be able to be with anyone for a long time without it being kinda about him.
[ Honesty might not be the best policy here, if he wants Harry to keep kissing him, but Cisco thinks he owes it to Harry. Because he’s not some anonymous hookup for Cisco to work out his issues on. He’s… a friend. A colleague. A man that Cisco respects, despite how much they goad each other. ]
It’s not like I’m kissing you and pretending you’re him, or something screwed up like that. I mean, yeah, I’m attracted to you and you do look the same and maybe that’s a little fucked up, but the reason I kissed you is… it’s because you’re not like him. At all. You don’t – [ Cisco breaks off, swallows ] – you don’t treat me the way he did.
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. . . which is a concept that's difficult to explain when sober, nevermind when he's got a few drinks in his system. Harrison rubs at his temples briefly, then gives him a long look. If this were just casual, if there weren't any Thawne-related entanglements at all, then— what the hell. They're adults who need to let off some steam every now and then. But it's not, and that's just another can of worms, isn't it.
When he speaks again, Harrison just sounds tired. ]
Cisco. [ A beat, and then he waves a hand dismissively. ] The difference is that you going off casually with someone is still healthier than this. [ At that, he gestures between the two of them. ] At least that way, you'd be moving on to some degree. This . . .
[ His voice trails off as he considers his words for a moment, before huffing. ]
Isn't.
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[ Cisco lets his tone sink lower, like Harry's, but the look on his face is just as stubborn as before. Even if Harry ends up still saying no, it's important for Cisco that he understand what it is he's saying no to. That he doesn't mishandle this crucial moment and then end up regretting it for a long time after. Maybe kissing Harry while drunk had been a bad idea. They should have talked about this first, and then moved onto the kissing later.
Except that Cisco would not have had the confidence to make his case so strongly, if he didn't know, for sure, that some part of Harry wanted him. That he wasn't setting himself up for complete humiliation ]
This is like, the ultimate moving on. If I can kiss you and think about only you, that means I'm... getting past it. Getting healthier, or whatever. And I'm not sayin' that that's the reason I did it, like as some kind of test for myself. Not at all.
[ In for a penny, in for a pound: he'd damned himself already so he might as well just come out with all of it. ]
I did it because I like you. You, Harry. [ Cisco swallows, tilts his chin up higher, defiant and trying for dignity even though it's hard, at the moment. ] You don't have to protect me from myself, or anything like that. I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions. And I decided that you needed a good kiss and I wanted to be the one to do it.
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