[ He was mildly frustrated before. Now he's— not quite mad, but severely annoyed. Harrison glares back at Cisco, jaw set. ]
This, Ramon? Is a mistake. And it's not one I'm going to allow for either of us to make. You can throw out as many excuses as you'd like. That's not going to make it any more acceptable.
[ He pauses, chewing at his lip briefly. Deep down, he knows what the biggest issue at hand is, though he'd rather not put it into words. It's not jealousy; he's never necessarily felt that towards the man he's met once, briefly and much earlier in his timeline. But it is uncomfortable to say the least.
. . . What the hell. ]
Besides. You can't tell me that some small part of this isn't about him. And until you can, with absolute confidence, there's nothing to discuss here.
[ Cisco knows who Harry means by him, of course. This is the first time either of them has brought up Eobard in this context. For one moment, Cisco thinks that maybe Harry hasn’t guessed, maybe he doesn’t know... but Harry’s expression is eloquent. He figured out that there had been something between Cisco and the first Dr. Wells. Something, as he put it, unacceptable. ]
Oh.
[ That realization punctures Cisco’s confidence; he drops his gaze, tucks his hair back for something to do with his hands. Swallows. It’s not like this has never happened before. Sure, Barry and Caitlin don’t know, but Joe put it together. Still, Harry knowing is… a problem. ]
You’re right. I can’t tell you that.
[ Maybe he would have dropped it there, if he were sober. Instead, Cisco licks his lips and then says in a rush ]
But I can tell you that if I went out right now and picked up someone in a bar, that would be about him, too. And… when I with Kendra, that was about him, too. I’m not gonna be able to be with anyone for a long time without it being kinda about him.
[ Honesty might not be the best policy here, if he wants Harry to keep kissing him, but Cisco thinks he owes it to Harry. Because he’s not some anonymous hookup for Cisco to work out his issues on. He’s… a friend. A colleague. A man that Cisco respects, despite how much they goad each other. ]
It’s not like I’m kissing you and pretending you’re him, or something screwed up like that. I mean, yeah, I’m attracted to you and you do look the same and maybe that’s a little fucked up, but the reason I kissed you is… it’s because you’re not like him. At all. You don’t – [ Cisco breaks off, swallows ] – you don’t treat me the way he did.
[ The anger seems to seep out of him slowly at that explanation. It makes sense, though it doesn't really help matters in his eyes. The fact of the matter is that the "Wells" that Cisco was with never even existed to begin with — it was a persona that Eobard Thawne had put on. Harrison could never live up to that when it was practically an ideal to begin with. Throwing Thawne's plotting into the mix just made it even more uncomfortable. If he were anyone else in the world, that might still be something they could work out. But he was, for all intents and purposes, Harrison Wells and everything that entails. Cisco could say it's different all he wants, but that won't dispel the ghost that still lingers around him.
. . . which is a concept that's difficult to explain when sober, nevermind when he's got a few drinks in his system. Harrison rubs at his temples briefly, then gives him a long look. If this were just casual, if there weren't any Thawne-related entanglements at all, then— what the hell. They're adults who need to let off some steam every now and then. But it's not, and that's just another can of worms, isn't it.
When he speaks again, Harrison just sounds tired. ]
Cisco. [ A beat, and then he waves a hand dismissively. ] The difference is that you going off casually with someone is still healthier than this. [ At that, he gestures between the two of them. ] At least that way, you'd be moving on to some degree. This . . .
[ His voice trails off as he considers his words for a moment, before huffing. ]
[ Cisco lets his tone sink lower, like Harry's, but the look on his face is just as stubborn as before. Even if Harry ends up still saying no, it's important for Cisco that he understand what it is he's saying no to. That he doesn't mishandle this crucial moment and then end up regretting it for a long time after. Maybe kissing Harry while drunk had been a bad idea. They should have talked about this first, and then moved onto the kissing later.
Except that Cisco would not have had the confidence to make his case so strongly, if he didn't know, for sure, that some part of Harry wanted him. That he wasn't setting himself up for complete humiliation ]
This is like, the ultimate moving on. If I can kiss you and think about only you, that means I'm... getting past it. Getting healthier, or whatever. And I'm not sayin' that that's the reason I did it, like as some kind of test for myself. Not at all.
[ In for a penny, in for a pound: he'd damned himself already so he might as well just come out with all of it. ]
I did it because I like you. You, Harry. [ Cisco swallows, tilts his chin up higher, defiant and trying for dignity even though it's hard, at the moment. ] You don't have to protect me from myself, or anything like that. I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions. And I decided that you needed a good kiss and I wanted to be the one to do it.
[ He heaves a sigh, lifting a hand to run it down his face before rubbing at his jaw in contemplation. Every logical bone in his body is screaming at him about how bad of an idea it is, countering any thought he has of even humoring Cisco. Or himself. Harrison's eyes flick over towards Cisco again, giving him a critical onceover. He's an adult capable of making his own decisions, okay. Sure. Then why does he still feel like he's completely taking advantage of Cisco?
There's a long pause before he speaks again. ]
We're not continuing this discussion until we're both sober. Period.
[ It's not a yes. But it's not a no either. ]
And you can't just decide that someone needs a good kiss, Ramon.
[ Cisco wants to keep pushing, to resolve this now and for good. If he lets the matter drop, there is a possibility Harry won't let him broach the subject again. Cisco has learned how good he can be at evading things. And, well. Cisco's a bit worried that he won't have the guts to bring it up, himself. Why waste the momentum they have, in already talking about it?
But instinct tells him to yield, to let his shoulders slump and to nod in acquiescence. Harry isn't going to credit anything that he says or does right now, just because he's had a bit to drink. Alright, fine. He'll just have to make it clear once he's sober that his mind has not changed. Cisco can be stubborn, can be persistent. No matter how things turn out, no one will be able to say that he did not try. ]
Okay, I didn't decide. I observed. Because you did. You do. And that's just a fact.
[ He nods at that, looking mildly satisfied. Whether they actually get around to discussing it is another matter entirely and, frankly, not his problem tonight. Which is good because that gives him more time to consider it — and isn't that a hell of a thing. His kneejerk response is "no," it has to be "no." But a small, impulsive part of him idly whispers, "why not?"
He knows damn well why not.
Harrison rolls his eyes when Cisco responds, crossing his arms. ]
[ Just because they're not going to decide anything tonight doesn't mean that Cisco can't continue to lay the groundwork. And part of that, he thinks, is treating Harry the same. Not acting any differently just because they'd kissed. Which means snorting, the corner of his mouth curling into a smile that's just a tiny bit mocking ]
I did, actually. But you answered that for me already.
[ Is Cisco referring to when he asked if Harry didn't want to, or didn't think he should, or is he instead referring to the fact of the kiss itself. The fact that Harry had responded to him - not as if he were just going along with it, not out of fear or uncertainty or to appease him. Cisco would have been able to tell. People are hard to navigate sometimes, but he could at least interpret what that kiss had said. ]
[ Harrison scowls in response, posture becoming more tightly wound if that's even possible. He pushes himself up out of his chair, having given up on doing any more work with Cisco in the same room for now, and slips his hands in his pockets. ]
You're drunk, Ramon. And so am I.
[ It's biting, almost vicious — or it would be anyway if he were able to muster more heat behind his words. He eyes him flatly for a moment before turning away. ]
[ Cisco thinks about pointing out the fact that Harry doesn't even sound that mad, about reiterating what he'd said earlier about alcohol not being nearly as much an excuse as Harry seems to want it to be. But the truth is, he doesn't want to get pulled into an argument about whether or not Harry had enjoyed the kiss. Cisco's certain of it, right now, but he knows that the longer he talks to Harry about it, the less certain he will get. Besides, there's some satisfaction in not even dignifying it worth fighting over. He knows what he knows. ]
Mhmmm.
[ The skepticism is practically dripping from the sound, but it's a warm kind of disbelief. ]
[ He doesn't bother to respond to that, to even look back, opting to storm out instead, to the makeshift room he has set up in the heart of S.T.A.R. Labs. It's not much, but it's privacy for now, a place to stick his head in the sand and not think about things. Or at least, not think about things while he's still thoroughly inebriated and prone to making poor decisions.
Harrison lays down on a cot, kicking his shoes off without a second thought, and pulls a pillow over his head to block out the light and the noise, or lack thereof. Ramon would come around once he sobered up. He had to. ]
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franciscoramon) wrote2015-02-21 01:38 am
no subject
This, Ramon? Is a mistake. And it's not one I'm going to allow for either of us to make. You can throw out as many excuses as you'd like. That's not going to make it any more acceptable.
[ He pauses, chewing at his lip briefly. Deep down, he knows what the biggest issue at hand is, though he'd rather not put it into words. It's not jealousy; he's never necessarily felt that towards the man he's met once, briefly and much earlier in his timeline. But it is uncomfortable to say the least.
. . . What the hell. ]
Besides. You can't tell me that some small part of this isn't about him. And until you can, with absolute confidence, there's nothing to discuss here.
no subject
Oh.
[ That realization punctures Cisco’s confidence; he drops his gaze, tucks his hair back for something to do with his hands. Swallows. It’s not like this has never happened before. Sure, Barry and Caitlin don’t know, but Joe put it together. Still, Harry knowing is… a problem. ]
You’re right. I can’t tell you that.
[ Maybe he would have dropped it there, if he were sober. Instead, Cisco licks his lips and then says in a rush ]
But I can tell you that if I went out right now and picked up someone in a bar, that would be about him, too. And… when I with Kendra, that was about him, too. I’m not gonna be able to be with anyone for a long time without it being kinda about him.
[ Honesty might not be the best policy here, if he wants Harry to keep kissing him, but Cisco thinks he owes it to Harry. Because he’s not some anonymous hookup for Cisco to work out his issues on. He’s… a friend. A colleague. A man that Cisco respects, despite how much they goad each other. ]
It’s not like I’m kissing you and pretending you’re him, or something screwed up like that. I mean, yeah, I’m attracted to you and you do look the same and maybe that’s a little fucked up, but the reason I kissed you is… it’s because you’re not like him. At all. You don’t – [ Cisco breaks off, swallows ] – you don’t treat me the way he did.
no subject
. . . which is a concept that's difficult to explain when sober, nevermind when he's got a few drinks in his system. Harrison rubs at his temples briefly, then gives him a long look. If this were just casual, if there weren't any Thawne-related entanglements at all, then— what the hell. They're adults who need to let off some steam every now and then. But it's not, and that's just another can of worms, isn't it.
When he speaks again, Harrison just sounds tired. ]
Cisco. [ A beat, and then he waves a hand dismissively. ] The difference is that you going off casually with someone is still healthier than this. [ At that, he gestures between the two of them. ] At least that way, you'd be moving on to some degree. This . . .
[ His voice trails off as he considers his words for a moment, before huffing. ]
Isn't.
no subject
[ Cisco lets his tone sink lower, like Harry's, but the look on his face is just as stubborn as before. Even if Harry ends up still saying no, it's important for Cisco that he understand what it is he's saying no to. That he doesn't mishandle this crucial moment and then end up regretting it for a long time after. Maybe kissing Harry while drunk had been a bad idea. They should have talked about this first, and then moved onto the kissing later.
Except that Cisco would not have had the confidence to make his case so strongly, if he didn't know, for sure, that some part of Harry wanted him. That he wasn't setting himself up for complete humiliation ]
This is like, the ultimate moving on. If I can kiss you and think about only you, that means I'm... getting past it. Getting healthier, or whatever. And I'm not sayin' that that's the reason I did it, like as some kind of test for myself. Not at all.
[ In for a penny, in for a pound: he'd damned himself already so he might as well just come out with all of it. ]
I did it because I like you. You, Harry. [ Cisco swallows, tilts his chin up higher, defiant and trying for dignity even though it's hard, at the moment. ] You don't have to protect me from myself, or anything like that. I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions. And I decided that you needed a good kiss and I wanted to be the one to do it.
no subject
There's a long pause before he speaks again. ]
We're not continuing this discussion until we're both sober. Period.
[ It's not a yes. But it's not a no either. ]
And you can't just decide that someone needs a good kiss, Ramon.
no subject
But instinct tells him to yield, to let his shoulders slump and to nod in acquiescence. Harry isn't going to credit anything that he says or does right now, just because he's had a bit to drink. Alright, fine. He'll just have to make it clear once he's sober that his mind has not changed. Cisco can be stubborn, can be persistent. No matter how things turn out, no one will be able to say that he did not try. ]
Okay, I didn't decide. I observed. Because you did. You do. And that's just a fact.
no subject
He knows damn well why not.
Harrison rolls his eyes when Cisco responds, crossing his arms. ]
Maybe I don't want one. Have you considered that?
no subject
I did, actually. But you answered that for me already.
[ Is Cisco referring to when he asked if Harry didn't want to, or didn't think he should, or is he instead referring to the fact of the kiss itself. The fact that Harry had responded to him - not as if he were just going along with it, not out of fear or uncertainty or to appease him. Cisco would have been able to tell. People are hard to navigate sometimes, but he could at least interpret what that kiss had said. ]
no subject
You're drunk, Ramon. And so am I.
[ It's biting, almost vicious — or it would be anyway if he were able to muster more heat behind his words. He eyes him flatly for a moment before turning away. ]
no subject
Mhmmm.
[ The skepticism is practically dripping from the sound, but it's a warm kind of disbelief. ]
no subject
Harrison lays down on a cot, kicking his shoes off without a second thought, and pulls a pillow over his head to block out the light and the noise, or lack thereof. Ramon would come around once he sobered up. He had to. ]