[ He's about to open his mouth to shoot back a response to that — that yes, he does think he's lying, to himself at least, and maybe that's something to consider — when Cisco snaps at him, cutting through him cleanly in roughly ten words. Harrison immediately stiffens when he hears that, staring ahead blankly at him like he'd been punched in the stomach.
It lasts for maybe five, ten seconds tops, even if it feels like an eternity to him. Because— he's not entirely wrong. Stress had driven Harrison to do a number of things he'd maybe think on more under entirely different circumstances, and Cisco had, time and time again, been the bystander that was drawn into the fray. Truth be told, without Jesse around, knowing she was trapped with Zoom of all people, Harrison couldn't breathe. He barely slept, ate only when necessary — everything fell by the wayside, including level-headedness.
Slowly, he squares his shoulders, staring ahead at Cisco flatly with his jaw set. Cisco's already covering his mouth, already regretting the words that had come pouring out, but Harrison can't bring himself to care much as he glares sharply at him. His voice lowers to a rough rasp, words like acid as they slip off his tongue. ]
So. That's how you feel?
[ He pauses for only a second, just long enough for those words to hang there but not long enough to allow a response before he continues. He lets out a soft chuckle, a mix of disbelief and anger and some hurt mixed in with all of that, shaking his head and looking to the side. ]
You really—
[ And then Harrison cuts himself off, chewing on his lower lip in frustration as he puts his hands on his hips, looking off to the side in annoyance. He then shoves his hands into his pockets, giving him a hard look. ]
[ Of course, all those things had happened, but Cisco is past it. He thought he was past it. Isn't he?
But how can he be, when those words came so quickly to his lips, almost without conscious thought? He doesn't know why he'd hurled that accusation in Harry's face. He had just been so caught off guard by what he said, so afraid that Harry was right about him.
And now Cisco can see the hurt in the way Harry's standing, in how he's looking away. There was a time when he might have ridden on the crest of that anger, really nailed the point home, made his point explicit with numerous examples. But back then, he wouldn't have thought Harry would care much one way or another. His anger would've been a reflexive response to Harry's indifferent. And right now, Harry's anything but indifferent, no matter what he might be trying to project.
Cisco swallows, dropping his head forward into his hands. If he apologizes now, will it make Harry more or less angry? Will apologizing make him a pushover? Will not apologizing mean Harry breaking up with him. It's all such a mess and Cisco doesn't know what's right, doesn't know what he should do. So he defaults to what feels right - quiet, hoarse apologies. ]
I don't know why I said that. I'm really sorry. That was totally below the belt.
[ His voice is a steady rasp as he turns his gaze back towards him, staring flatly. He had to have meant it on some level; otherwise, why even say it? And it wasn't like he was wrong, either. Harrison had just thought they'd moved past that by now. Apparently, he'd thought wrong. The apology . . . he can only sigh inwardly at it, shifting his eyes away. It feels like avoidance, like a way to duck it all and pretend everything is fine without really listening.
Harrison shakes his head, turning around and heading towards the door. Why did he even think talking would work? It's never worked in the past. Why would it suddenly all work out now? Better to cut his losses and leave now without another word than continue a fruitless back and forth. ]
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franciscoramon) wrote2015-02-21 01:38 am
no subject
It lasts for maybe five, ten seconds tops, even if it feels like an eternity to him. Because— he's not entirely wrong. Stress had driven Harrison to do a number of things he'd maybe think on more under entirely different circumstances, and Cisco had, time and time again, been the bystander that was drawn into the fray. Truth be told, without Jesse around, knowing she was trapped with Zoom of all people, Harrison couldn't breathe. He barely slept, ate only when necessary — everything fell by the wayside, including level-headedness.
Slowly, he squares his shoulders, staring ahead at Cisco flatly with his jaw set. Cisco's already covering his mouth, already regretting the words that had come pouring out, but Harrison can't bring himself to care much as he glares sharply at him. His voice lowers to a rough rasp, words like acid as they slip off his tongue. ]
So. That's how you feel?
[ He pauses for only a second, just long enough for those words to hang there but not long enough to allow a response before he continues. He lets out a soft chuckle, a mix of disbelief and anger and some hurt mixed in with all of that, shaking his head and looking to the side. ]
You really—
[ And then Harrison cuts himself off, chewing on his lower lip in frustration as he puts his hands on his hips, looking off to the side in annoyance. He then shoves his hands into his pockets, giving him a hard look. ]
Fine. It's your life, Ramon.
no subject
[ Of course, all those things had happened, but Cisco is past it. He thought he was past it. Isn't he?
But how can he be, when those words came so quickly to his lips, almost without conscious thought? He doesn't know why he'd hurled that accusation in Harry's face. He had just been so caught off guard by what he said, so afraid that Harry was right about him.
And now Cisco can see the hurt in the way Harry's standing, in how he's looking away. There was a time when he might have ridden on the crest of that anger, really nailed the point home, made his point explicit with numerous examples. But back then, he wouldn't have thought Harry would care much one way or another. His anger would've been a reflexive response to Harry's indifferent. And right now, Harry's anything but indifferent, no matter what he might be trying to project.
Cisco swallows, dropping his head forward into his hands. If he apologizes now, will it make Harry more or less angry? Will apologizing make him a pushover? Will not apologizing mean Harry breaking up with him. It's all such a mess and Cisco doesn't know what's right, doesn't know what he should do. So he defaults to what feels right - quiet, hoarse apologies. ]
I don't know why I said that. I'm really sorry. That was totally below the belt.
no subject
[ His voice is a steady rasp as he turns his gaze back towards him, staring flatly. He had to have meant it on some level; otherwise, why even say it? And it wasn't like he was wrong, either. Harrison had just thought they'd moved past that by now. Apparently, he'd thought wrong. The apology . . . he can only sigh inwardly at it, shifting his eyes away. It feels like avoidance, like a way to duck it all and pretend everything is fine without really listening.
Harrison shakes his head, turning around and heading towards the door. Why did he even think talking would work? It's never worked in the past. Why would it suddenly all work out now? Better to cut his losses and leave now without another word than continue a fruitless back and forth. ]