[It doesn't even occur to Eddie that it could be selfish - he might be jealous that Cisco can go back if he chooses, while Eddie can't, and of course he's homesick, but the idea that he would think it was selfish for someone to not want the same thing as him is absurd. When Cisco protests that he wasn't trying to sit here and talk about himself, Eddie smiles a bit, because it seems like maybe it would be good for Cisco to talk about himself for a while, and maybe it would be nice for Eddie to listen. Maybe it's deflecting a bit, but it's easier for him to listen, and it's easier for him to accept what Cisco is saying when it's accompanied by stories about what he's learned in his own life.
So while Cisco explains that his parents aren't proud of him, and they never will be, but that he's learned that it's their issue and not his, Eddie tries to take it to heart. For a moment, he believes it - that Taako not wanting to take a chance and try something serious with him was Taako's problem (or at least just a fundamental incompatibility) and not because there's something wrong with Eddie; that Iris saying she loved him while so obviously wanting to be with Barry was Iris' problem and not that there's something wrong with Eddie.
But he only manages to believe it for a moment, before the overwhelming feeling that somehow Eddie is just fundamentally incapable of being worth investing time and emotion and energy into comes swelling back. His throat goes tight and that sensation only increases as Cisco starts saying that he's quick to compliment everyone but himself, tells him about how Caitlin and Barry and Cisco had complained that he made them look bad by existing. Shaking his head, eyes stinging, he laughs in a sort of slightly choked way, but manages to keep himself from actually crying, though the emotion is obvious in his voice.]
It's fake. I only look good from the outside, you know? I think there's just not enough there to keep anyone's attention. I'm not interesting or funny or...you know. Anyway. I liked it better when we were talking about you. We should do that again.
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So while Cisco explains that his parents aren't proud of him, and they never will be, but that he's learned that it's their issue and not his, Eddie tries to take it to heart. For a moment, he believes it - that Taako not wanting to take a chance and try something serious with him was Taako's problem (or at least just a fundamental incompatibility) and not because there's something wrong with Eddie; that Iris saying she loved him while so obviously wanting to be with Barry was Iris' problem and not that there's something wrong with Eddie.
But he only manages to believe it for a moment, before the overwhelming feeling that somehow Eddie is just fundamentally incapable of being worth investing time and emotion and energy into comes swelling back. His throat goes tight and that sensation only increases as Cisco starts saying that he's quick to compliment everyone but himself, tells him about how Caitlin and Barry and Cisco had complained that he made them look bad by existing. Shaking his head, eyes stinging, he laughs in a sort of slightly choked way, but manages to keep himself from actually crying, though the emotion is obvious in his voice.]
It's fake. I only look good from the outside, you know? I think there's just not enough there to keep anyone's attention. I'm not interesting or funny or...you know. Anyway. I liked it better when we were talking about you. We should do that again.