[It's a losing battle, he thinks, trying to make Cisco understand that there's something wrong with him. And it's strange, because to Eddie it seems so obvious, so evident, that he's just not good enough. Not enough in general. He keeps scraping at his jeans until Cisco takes his hand, rubs his thumb gently against the back of his hand, the calluses sliding over the slightly raised tendons there, the soft blond hairs, just under the knob of his wrist.
Eddie closes his eyes for a moment, trying to breathe, slow and steady and even, trying to internalize what Cisco is saying, but it slides off him. Maybe it's just not the right time, everything is too raw and open. He can't internalize it, can't believe it. It feels like a pep talk, without any substance, though it isn't because he thinks Cisco is being insincere, he just feels like maybe Cisco doesn't know enough about him. Doesn't see anything but the shiny outside of him, carefully cultivated so he never has to feel like he did when he was in high school again.]
Sounds to me like maybe you don't know me well enough yet.
[It's supposed to be a joke, but it comes out a little too serious, more serious than he intends, falls flat.]
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Eddie closes his eyes for a moment, trying to breathe, slow and steady and even, trying to internalize what Cisco is saying, but it slides off him. Maybe it's just not the right time, everything is too raw and open. He can't internalize it, can't believe it. It feels like a pep talk, without any substance, though it isn't because he thinks Cisco is being insincere, he just feels like maybe Cisco doesn't know enough about him. Doesn't see anything but the shiny outside of him, carefully cultivated so he never has to feel like he did when he was in high school again.]
Sounds to me like maybe you don't know me well enough yet.
[It's supposed to be a joke, but it comes out a little too serious, more serious than he intends, falls flat.]