causational: (terrified)
Eddie Thawne ([personal profile] causational) wrote in [personal profile] franciscoramon 2016-04-28 06:16 am (UTC)

[After a few minutes, it's easier to relax and let Cisco hold him, cradle him against his shoulder and neck, and Eddie's arms tighten around his waist a little, clinging to him. So he stays still and accepts the comfort, and when Cisco starts talking he listens, because Cisco always knows what to say, to make everything better. Because Cisco approaches things in a different way than he does, he thinks in a way that gives him more options, and Cisco had said it himself - Eddie traps himself in one outcome and gives up. Cisco doesn't. Eddie is ready to abandon himself to having failed in yet another way. But Cisco isn't.

And Cisco explains, sympathizes from a place of empathy and understanding and shared experience at carrying the weight of something that wasn't his fault. It's hard, for Eddie to refuse to accept responsibility for the singularity - his entire life, he's been pushed to accept responsibility, to be responsible, and it's hard to let go of that. But he tries, because even if he doesn't believe in himself right now, Cisco does.

And then he explains more about the circumstances of Ronnie's death, that he'd made the choice to do what he did, that he was a hero. And Cisco calls them both heroes, but Eddie has a hard time believing that about himself. He shakes his head, takes a shuddery breath, can't bring himself to lift his head when he speaks, because he can't see Cisco's face right now.]


I just...I keep thinking I shouldn't have done it. That I could have found another way, I just...there was no right choice to make. But it sounds like such an excuse, when I did so much damage.

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