[ He doesn't imagine it's the easiest thing for Eddie to talk about but... still, talking is good. Talking about it is better than all that not-talking-about-it they had both done. ]
oh yeah. we would be driving joe up the wall.
it's not actually a challenge at all. singh tolerates me, and i don't have to worry about him firing me or whatever because there's no one else willing to do the job, and i'm pretty much just doing it because joe asked. he definitely does not like me but i actually think he's pretty cool, in a grouchy way.
they're good. married now. we all got to hear his endless complaints about rob's new obsession with agave nectar for like, a week. but i think they're really happy.
guess it's good we can stick to our strengths then.
....I have a really bad habit of making inappropriate comments about my sex life to Joe. We would be killing him. Or he'd kill me. Probably that second one.
You do realize that everything you just said means Singh probably totally likes you? He's a hard-ass but I always get the feeling he has a soft spot for his people, and you're one of them now.
I'm so glad their wedding went off smoothly and they're happy. Thanks for telling me.
oh my god you mean when you were with iris? that musta been all kinds of awkward.
sometimes i get that feeling, too. and then sometimes i get the feeling he actually can't stand any of us??? except maybe joe. but, like, who wouldn't love joe.
same back at you.
(i ought to have figured about the psych stuff at least, since you deal with my semi crazy ass on the reg)
[ Privately, Cisco thinks that 'forgetting in the moment' is just another way of saying Eddie is just not that good at lying or keeping things hidden, particularly not things that make him happy. But Cisco rather likes that about him. ]
yeah that's gotta make it weird.
wait, really? how come? i thought you guys were way tight?
[ They're working on being more honest, but Cisco still doesn't think telling Eddie how heartbroken Joe was after he died is really texting material. Though his idea of what is texting material and what isn't (and what's joke material and what isn't) is perhaps a bit skewed from the norm. ]
[Eddie is bad at hiding things in general, good or bad. It just seems to pour out of him without his permission sometimes.]
I think we were. Mostly. He used to order me around a lot, like I was his assistant and not his partner, early on, but that's how he is. And it got better after I pushed back about it.
And I love him, but I still don't know why he wouldn't give his blessing for me to propose to Iris. If he didn't trust me to take care of her or thought I wasn't good enough. It's hard to feel at ease with someone in that kind of situation.
And ptsd is not the same as crazy. It's one of a lot of normal responses to trauma. It's a big problem among cops, did you know that?
sounds a lot like harry and me. pretty much the same solution, too.
wait he what? you like....... asked and he said no?
[ Cisco adores Joe but that's kind of a weird response, given the whole asking permission thing is pretty much a polite formality, and especially given that Eddie is Eddie. He might understand if the guy proposing to Iris was a flake or a junkie or a cheater but Eddie is none of those things. ]
dude wtf???????
[ Cisco had been mostly joking about the PTSD thing, but now he feels like he has to answer a bit more seriously. ]
i mean, that's not surprising. i feel like you only ever hear about it with soldiers. (and i only said semi-crazy.)
[ After a few seconds, in a separate text: ]
i mean i don't actually know much about it that's not from tv.
I'm glad you got things figured out with Harry. :)
Yeah. He said no repeatedly, and forcefully. There was zero blessing given. I still have no idea why. I asked Barry if he could feel Joe out to see why, but I never got a chance to ask him about the answer. That was only a few hours before Eobard kidnapped me.
[And Eddie's realizing he made it too serious. A little late though.-]
I know a bit. I mean, it's not something any police officer would admit to.
And sorry, I just hate hearing you put yourself down saying you're crazy. You're not. <3
[ The timing of that refusal, combined with the things Cisco knows Eobard said to Eddie when he had him captive... that's really really bad. ]
honestly i don't even know what to say. i have no idea why he would do that? i mean i realize i'm not a dad and also not always the best guy at knowing what level of involvement is normal for parents but that seems way over the line to me. the only thing i can guess is he thought iris was too young to get married. it can't have been anything about you, you're a total catch.
[ Cisco thinks that maybe he should ask Eddie about it, if he knows some things. Clear up some stuff. Half the time Cisco's convinced he's stupid for even thinking he might have PTSD, that he's making a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe another day. ]
i wasn't putting myself down. i get that it sounded like that but... i'm trying to own it, y'know? or whatever.
I need to get to know him. I've never really had a chance to.
[He can't help but think of his kidnapping either - it had all happened in such quick succession, Joe's refusal and the attempted proposal and that first night of his kidnapping, they're all tied together in his mind. He also can't help thinking of being pulled out of that hole and seeing Joe's face and then Iris' all at once. The two people he should have been happiest to see and he'd just felt sick.]
Thanks Cisco. I guess I just always felt like he thought there was something wrong with me? Maybe there is. Maybe she was unhappy and not telling me. Who knows? But honestly, his approval doesn't matter anymore.
if he thought that he was wrong. which is not, y'know, unprecedented for joe. him making you and barry lie to her was pretty wrong, too.
categorically there is NOT something wrong with you.
i mean obviously i didn't know you two that well when you were together but i do know iris better now than i did then and she definitely does not strike me as the kind of woman who would settle for being silently unhappy. like, the opposite, in fact. she's pretty straight up when it comes to how she's feeling, and not afraid to complain.
I never agreed with keeping it from her honestly. Not from day 1. I knew she could handle it and take care of herself. And yeah, you're right haha. She's very outspoken. I like that, it's nice to know where you stand with a person.
I do. And you have me. And I'm really, really happy. Both that you think there's nothing wrong with me and that we're together. You make me happy.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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oh yeah. we would be driving joe up the wall.
it's not actually a challenge at all. singh tolerates me, and i don't have to worry about him firing me or whatever because there's no one else willing to do the job, and i'm pretty much just doing it because joe asked. he definitely does not like me but i actually think he's pretty cool, in a grouchy way.
they're good. married now. we all got to hear his endless complaints about rob's new obsession with agave nectar for like, a week. but i think they're really happy.
guess it's good we can stick to our strengths then.
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You do realize that everything you just said means Singh probably totally likes you? He's a hard-ass but I always get the feeling he has a soft spot for his people, and you're one of them now.
I'm so glad their wedding went off smoothly and they're happy. Thanks for telling me.
And yeah. I could never do the things you do.
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sometimes i get that feeling, too. and then sometimes i get the feeling he actually can't stand any of us??? except maybe joe. but, like, who wouldn't love joe.
same back at you.
(i ought to have figured about the psych stuff at least, since you deal with my semi crazy ass on the reg)
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You're right, though. It's impossible not to like Joe, even though I did kind of hate him sometimes. Just a little.
And you're not crazy. At all.
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yeah that's gotta make it weird.
wait, really? how come? i thought you guys were way tight?
[ They're working on being more honest, but Cisco still doesn't think telling Eddie how heartbroken Joe was after he died is really texting material. Though his idea of what is texting material and what isn't (and what's joke material and what isn't) is perhaps a bit skewed from the norm. ]
idk man, my raging case of ptsd begs to differ
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I think we were. Mostly. He used to order me around a lot, like I was his assistant and not his partner, early on, but that's how he is. And it got better after I pushed back about it.
And I love him, but I still don't know why he wouldn't give his blessing for me to propose to Iris. If he didn't trust me to take care of her or thought I wasn't good enough. It's hard to feel at ease with someone in that kind of situation.
And ptsd is not the same as crazy. It's one of a lot of normal responses to trauma. It's a big problem among cops, did you know that?
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wait he what? you like....... asked and he said no?
[ Cisco adores Joe but that's kind of a weird response, given the whole asking permission thing is pretty much a polite formality, and especially given that Eddie is Eddie. He might understand if the guy proposing to Iris was a flake or a junkie or a cheater but Eddie is none of those things. ]
dude wtf???????
[ Cisco had been mostly joking about the PTSD thing, but now he feels like he has to answer a bit more seriously. ]
i mean, that's not surprising. i feel like you only ever hear about it with soldiers. (and i only said semi-crazy.)
[ After a few seconds, in a separate text: ]
i mean i don't actually know much about it that's not from tv.
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Yeah. He said no repeatedly, and forcefully. There was zero blessing given. I still have no idea why. I asked Barry if he could feel Joe out to see why, but I never got a chance to ask him about the answer. That was only a few hours before Eobard kidnapped me.
[And Eddie's realizing he made it too serious. A little late though.-]
I know a bit. I mean, it's not something any police officer would admit to.
And sorry, I just hate hearing you put yourself down saying you're crazy. You're not. <3
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[ The timing of that refusal, combined with the things Cisco knows Eobard said to Eddie when he had him captive... that's really really bad. ]
honestly i don't even know what to say. i have no idea why he would do that? i mean i realize i'm not a dad and also not always the best guy at knowing what level of involvement is normal for parents but that seems way over the line to me. the only thing i can guess is he thought iris was too young to get married. it can't have been anything about you, you're a total catch.
[ Cisco thinks that maybe he should ask Eddie about it, if he knows some things. Clear up some stuff. Half the time Cisco's convinced he's stupid for even thinking he might have PTSD, that he's making a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe another day. ]
i wasn't putting myself down. i get that it sounded like that but... i'm trying to own it, y'know? or whatever.
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[He can't help but think of his kidnapping either - it had all happened in such quick succession, Joe's refusal and the attempted proposal and that first night of his kidnapping, they're all tied together in his mind. He also can't help thinking of being pulled out of that hole and seeing Joe's face and then Iris' all at once. The two people he should have been happiest to see and he'd just felt sick.]
Thanks Cisco. I guess I just always felt like he thought there was something wrong with me? Maybe there is. Maybe she was unhappy and not telling me. Who knows? But honestly, his approval doesn't matter anymore.
I have you now. :)
Oh, okay, I get that!
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categorically there is NOT something wrong with you.
i mean obviously i didn't know you two that well when you were together but i do know iris better now than i did then and she definitely does not strike me as the kind of woman who would settle for being silently unhappy. like, the opposite, in fact. she's pretty straight up when it comes to how she's feeling, and not afraid to complain.
hell yeah you do.
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I do. And you have me. And I'm really, really happy. Both that you think there's nothing wrong with me and that we're together. You make me happy.
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😳 💗 ✨
(you make me happy, too)