[It's easy to fill in the blanks, and Eddie gets it. It's why he'd never come out to Iris or anyone in Central City, even though he'd had ample opportunity to bring it up. It simply hadn't seemed important, and stood a chance of causing major problems in his relationships - who knew if Iris would be attracted to him anymore, if Joe would look at him as an equal, a dozen other reasons that all seem to make perfect sense when you're deciding whether or not to reveal something vulnerable.
Even now, he's already afraid of it. Of having to expose himself like that to Iris in this situation, how awkward and hard it's going to be, especially with all the grief and guilt he already feels about the situation. But Cisco is here, sitting between his legs, resting against his chest, and saying that he told Caitlin he makes him happy, and he's worth the temporary discomfort.
Eddie squeezes gently around Cisco's shoulders, closes his eyes, and exhales into his hair.]
I'm glad. Glad that I make you happy. [His voice is soft and a little rough with emotion.] And yeah. I guess they don't, I just...
[He exhales.]
I don't want to hurt Iris. And I don't think there's going to be any way I can avoid it.
[ Cisco sighs; is it just wishful thinking, to frame it like that? A truism designed to absolve him of guilt over the fact that his own happiness might come at the expense of Iris'? Iris, who deserves happiness so much more than-
He has the thought, but for once, stops it halfway. Iris does deserve happiness. But... that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve it a little, too. Maybe. ]
Besides... Iris is really tough. And if I were her, getting to talk to you after so long would totally outweigh everything else.
[ Probably, anyway. Cisco doesn't know Iris as well as Eddie does, so it's possible that he's wrong. But he thinks that it is Eddie's guilt talking, right now. ]
[A soft exhalation, eyes closing as he keeps his face buried against Cisco's hair. Eddie isn't convinced that Iris will want to be with him here, want what they had back. She hadn't said anything to imply that she does, and Eddie doesn't want to assume that either - but he knows that no matter how she feels, there's going to be hurt.
Cisco is right. There isn't any way to avoid either him or Iris being hurt in this situation, there's too much history, there's his death, there's Barry and a dozen other things that make it too complicated to avoid pain.]
I feel that way too, about her. I'm so happy to just...be able to catch up with her, hear about her life and how she's grown. I think she'll be fine.
[A pause, the hand not pressed against Cisco's chest rubbing up and down his narrow shoulder, then down against his breastbone, not sexual but intimate. When he speaks, his voice is pitched soft, concerned.]
Are you? Going to be fine, I mean. How can I help make you feel safe, with me?
[ That question makes Cisco's breath catch in his throat - quiet, but audible. The fact that Eddie is willing to go so far to accommodate what amounts to Cisco's petty insecurities is touching to him. It's, frankly, unprecedented. He doesn't know how to answer, how to say just asking is enough. Instead, let sighs, says quietly: ]
I'll be super. And if I start to feel not-super, then... I promise I'll tell you, alright? And we can take it from there.
[ It might not sounds like much, but it's a promise of honesty - even if it's hard. And it's one that Cisco intends to keep.
He sinks a little lower in the tub, resting a bit more of his weight back against Eddie's chest. The next few days are probably going to be pretty rough for the both of them - between helping Caitlin, talking things out with Iris, between Eddie's guilt and Cisco's fears. But they've gotten through worse. They can get through this, too. ]
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Even now, he's already afraid of it. Of having to expose himself like that to Iris in this situation, how awkward and hard it's going to be, especially with all the grief and guilt he already feels about the situation. But Cisco is here, sitting between his legs, resting against his chest, and saying that he told Caitlin he makes him happy, and he's worth the temporary discomfort.
Eddie squeezes gently around Cisco's shoulders, closes his eyes, and exhales into his hair.]
I'm glad. Glad that I make you happy. [His voice is soft and a little rough with emotion.] And yeah. I guess they don't, I just...
[He exhales.]
I don't want to hurt Iris. And I don't think there's going to be any way I can avoid it.
no subject
[ Cisco sighs; is it just wishful thinking, to frame it like that? A truism designed to absolve him of guilt over the fact that his own happiness might come at the expense of Iris'? Iris, who deserves happiness so much more than-
He has the thought, but for once, stops it halfway. Iris does deserve happiness. But... that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve it a little, too. Maybe. ]
Besides... Iris is really tough. And if I were her, getting to talk to you after so long would totally outweigh everything else.
[ Probably, anyway. Cisco doesn't know Iris as well as Eddie does, so it's possible that he's wrong. But he thinks that it is Eddie's guilt talking, right now. ]
no subject
[A soft exhalation, eyes closing as he keeps his face buried against Cisco's hair. Eddie isn't convinced that Iris will want to be with him here, want what they had back. She hadn't said anything to imply that she does, and Eddie doesn't want to assume that either - but he knows that no matter how she feels, there's going to be hurt.
Cisco is right. There isn't any way to avoid either him or Iris being hurt in this situation, there's too much history, there's his death, there's Barry and a dozen other things that make it too complicated to avoid pain.]
I feel that way too, about her. I'm so happy to just...be able to catch up with her, hear about her life and how she's grown. I think she'll be fine.
[A pause, the hand not pressed against Cisco's chest rubbing up and down his narrow shoulder, then down against his breastbone, not sexual but intimate. When he speaks, his voice is pitched soft, concerned.]
Are you? Going to be fine, I mean. How can I help make you feel safe, with me?
no subject
I'll be super. And if I start to feel not-super, then... I promise I'll tell you, alright? And we can take it from there.
[ It might not sounds like much, but it's a promise of honesty - even if it's hard. And it's one that Cisco intends to keep.
He sinks a little lower in the tub, resting a bit more of his weight back against Eddie's chest. The next few days are probably going to be pretty rough for the both of them - between helping Caitlin, talking things out with Iris, between Eddie's guilt and Cisco's fears. But they've gotten through worse. They can get through this, too. ]