[ Cisco can't read Harry. He isn't like Barry, like Joe, with their open faces, their body language that shouts their emotions and intentions to the world around them. He isn't even like Caitlin, who is subtler, but who Cisco has come to know as well as he knows himself. But Harry... Harry's inscrutable. Cisco never knows what he's thinking, how he's feeling. A lot of the time, he tell himself he doesn't really care what Harry is thinking and feeling on the inside if he's acting like a dick on the outside.
But now? With his hair a mess and his face too pale still from his nightmare? Cisco wishes his powers included mind-reading so he could just be sure, for certain. So he could know what to say, what to do, what it is that Harry needs. ]
You didn't think you were gonna survive. You wanted to save her first, but...
[ It isn't a question; Cisco had never known, but he doesn't question it. He also understands, immediately, that Harry doesn't mean just in that moment. He means something much, much larger.
All this time, Harry had been so reckless, in ways that didn't make any sense to Cisco. If he had been so certain of his own death, though. That starts to put things in perspective. Why bother sleeping or eating regularly when you have a death sentence looming in the near future? Why bother being decent to people, when you knew you would be in the ground sooner rather than later? ]
And now you're still alive and you don't know what to do with yourself.
[ He catches on quickly. Harrison shouldn't be surprised and he isn't, not really. And in a way, it's almost . . . nice, like a weight off of his shoulders. His hands finally go still as he nods and though he's pale, bringing out the dark circles under his eyes, he manages to give Cisco a half-smirk, looking over at him more directly now. ]
Don't get me wrong. I didn't want to. [ Didn't want to die, anyway. He'd known a number of fools over the years with a deathwish; he wasn't one of them. ] But it seemed inevitable.
[ Harrison doesn't elaborate on that, settling back in against the couch instead. What else is there to say? He'd accepted it for awhile, from the moment Jesse was taken, but he'd be lying if he said he was fully at peace with it when they finally tracked down Zoom. Some small part of him had grown attached to their world, their problems, them, and it grew little by little as the weeks passed. And now? ]
And— yes, now I'm still alive. And I don't know what to do with myself. [ He glances over at him again, eyes half-lidded. ] Something with S.T.A.R. Labs maybe, depending on how Barry wants to go forward with it. I don't know.
[ His real problem was that he didn't know what to do with his sudden abundance of hope. Not a bad problem to have all things considered, but Harrison couldn't help but idly wonder when the other shoe would drop and everything would go to hell. ]
[ When Harry mentions S.T.A.R. Labs - working there, finding his purpose there, a strange feeling settles itself into Cisco's chest. He doesn't know what to call it exactly. It is more than anything else a sense of the rightness of that thought. Cisco loves S.T.A.R. Labs. At all times, in all conditions. It is more of a home to him than this place - than any other place. But seeing the way it had been on Earth-2 reminded Cisco of how it had been in those years before the particle accelerator. It wasn't meant to be boarded up, to be empty except for the same half a dozen people. To be part headquarters, part prison, rather than a place of innovation and science.
But even back when it was full of people and noise, S.T.A.R. Labs had been wrong, because Eobard Thawne had been at the center of it. It had been his personal spiderweb, and he had only twitched the right strands that would make his own plans come to fruition.
With Harry here, it could be restored, remade into the place it was always meant to be. ]
You're Harrison Wells. You can do anything.
[ Cisco has felt a lot of things for Harry, in the months that they've known each other. Irritation, fear, resentment, betrayal - and also, sympathy, concern, amusement, camaraderie. The one thing he has not felt, has not allowed himself to feel is the one thing that comes out in his voice when he says that: admiration.
Admiring Harrison Wells is a dangerous thing, for Cisco Ramon. For better or for worse, admiration and attraction are wound up together in his mind, so that it is impossible to experience one without some measure of the other. He's been through this before; at least, he thought he had. Cisco remembers what it felt like, the first time he'd fallen in love with a Harrison Wells. He should know better. He should learn from past mistakes.
But Harry, with his head tilted back and his eyes mostly shut, looks tired and uncertain, and Cisco couldn't live with himself if he didn't remind him of who he is, of what he has accomplished, of how much more he can. ]
[ His tone is what makes Harrison pause and actually pay attention, and he raises an eyebrow slowly. He'd heard a lot of things from Cisco over the past few months but this was new, this was different and unexpected. It elicits a chuckle from him — a more real one, a far cry from the grim one he'd let out earlier. ]
You're damn right I am.
[ He pauses, considering that. Obviously, the best case scenario would be for them to get the blame for Barry's mother's murder properly placed on Eobard Thawne — the other "Wells" — and then for him to step up and rehabilitate the name "Harrison Wells." It was a pipe dream in his opinion and he wouldn't jeopardize Henry Allen's freedom to make it happen. Harrison wouldn't be content to stay hidden away forever, but he could see himself at least skulking the halls of S.T.A.R. Labs for the near future, quietly passing along plans to Barry for him to officially implement and work on rebuilding.
And that was just one of the things he could work on.
Harrison slowly attempts to extricate his hands from Cisco's, placing them on his knees, and when he speaks again, his voice has a bit more life to it. ]
You see, my problem is that I went from thinking I had no options to the door being pushed wide open. [ He shrugs at that. ] It's not a bad problem to have.
[ He lets go of Harry's hands, a little self-conscious that he has kept hold of them for so long. Cisco crosses his arms, notes that Harry looks less shaky now, more like his usual self. He's glad of it, except that part of regaining that control is re-building those walls between them, pushing Cisco away to a safe distance. And Cisco is starting to think he doesn't want to let himself be pushed ]
I can show you some of the projects we were working on, before the particle accelerator exploded. See if there's anything there that catches your interest, that we could pick back up.
[ So many things had been put on hold and never glanced at again, but there were some promising ideas there. Ideas that could change life in Central City for the better, could push science as a whole forward, into the future. The offer is, simultaneously, a question. Cisco hadn't said that you could pick up. He had said 'we', the two of them. Working together. Not under duress, anymore. But voluntarily.
And yes, Harry is arrogant, and abrasive. Cisco will probably regret it, if the two of them continue to collaborate. Not to mention the fact that he would be picking up where Eobard Thawne had left off, and that could get... messy. But still, Cisco asks, and he wants Harry to say yes. ]
[ He gives him a side-long glance at that, allowing a half-smile to cross his face. It was an interesting prospect, though all of the old projects would inevitably have some traces of Eobard Thawne here and there. The idea of picking up his work makes him want to turn his nose up at all of it, but . . . without Thawne's research, they wouldn't have been able to create the breach reactor charges. And rehabilitating S.T.A.R. Labs and the name "Harrison Wells" also meant rehabilitating Thawne's work. It would be a challenge to make it into something good that wasn't necessarily for some time traveller's personal gain, but he was never one to back down from something like that.
The "we" though . . . ]
Would you want to?
[ He sounds almost amused. They have a history and Cisco has a history with Thawne and he's honestly not entirely certain which one concerns him more these days. It's not something he thinks about much, more a small thought that picks at him from time to time. He's seen it here and there — the looks Cisco gives him, his tone when it comes to Thawne or anything surrounding him, how the subject will change and he'll not want to talk about it. Harrison is fairly certain there was something there once, something he'd be better off not knowing about. And then, part of him wants to lean in and whisper a simple truth to him: "I'll never be the man you want me to be."
Harrison shakes his head at the thought, leaning back and examining Cisco curiously. ]
[ He shouldn't want it. There are so many reasons he wishes his answer were 'no'. And he could lie, could say no, pretend that he's sick of collaborating with Harry, spending time with Harry. Maybe if he said it to enough people, he would start to believe it himself.
But who would that lie be for? Cisco has never cared to lie to make the people around him more comfortable (the same way he has never been willing to compromise the way he looks, the way he speaks, just to fit in). The lie would be for Harry's good, maybe, but Harry is a grown man, capable of looking after himself. And yes, the lie would be for his own good. But Cisco's never been all that good at resisting things he knows might be bad for him. In fact, he is shockingly bad at it.
Cisco meets Harry's eyes, full-on, unflinching. There is a conviction in that stare, a heat, that isn't just about the science, however much Cisco tries to make it be. ]
Yes. I would.
[ Then, that intensity slips from his look, and he lets some humor creep in, the corner of his mouth curling into a challenging smirk ]
If you think you can keep up with me.
[ Keep up with him when it comes to cutting-edge science, of course. But even as he says it, Cisco hears the unintended innuendo. And then he watches Harry, wondering if it will register for him. Wondering if he has any idea, or if he is totally oblivious, to the way Cisco looks at him sometimes. Can't stop himself from looking ]
[ He'd have to be blind to miss it, deaf not to hear it. In truth, Harrison's turned a blind eye more often than not because there wasn't any time to address it. It wasn't important. It was just there, this thing between them that they didn't speak of — or at least, he didn't. But at this late hour with him still rattled from nightmares, with Cisco giving him that look . . .
It's a bad idea.
His eyes meet Cisco's briefly and his fingers curl, like he's holding himself back, and he lets out a huff and dips his head. ]
Don't flatter yourself.
[ His voice is dry, a teasing air to it, but he knows it's also an attempt at a pushback. At trying to do the right thing for the both of them. ]
[ There is something so reassuringly Harry about that answer. It isn't that the last Dr. Wells never teased him - he did. He'd had a playful side; it was just that Cisco had had to coax it out of him. Left to his own devices, he was polite, serious, sober. Cisco had always been the one to tease out a thread of fun, of light-hearted competitiveness, in him.
But Harry's teasing is entirely another thing. It needs no prompting from Cisco, half the time. It is also ruder, more straightforward, more genuine than anything Dr. Wells had ever said to him. If the first man with that face had ever told Cisco not to flatter himself, it would have devastated him. But he's a little older now, a lot less innocent, and Harry hasn't got the same hold over him as Eobard Thawne. ]
Sounds to me like someone who is afraid of a challenge.
[ Cisco keeps looking at Harry - at the stillness of him, the way his hands are held in loose fists. There would be one easy way, to find out. He could kiss him, here and now. Lay it out in the open between them, cut through the crap and the double-talk. His eyes flick down to Harry's mouth and then back up, just for a second.
But he doesn't. Not because he's afraid (well, mostly not). But because it wouldn't be fair to Harry. For once, the power differential between them is tilted in Cisco's favor, and he recognizes it. Harry is staying here because there is nowhere else safe for him, for his daughter. Cisco should not use that to his advantage. Shouldn't make advances that might be unwelcome, make him feel unsafe here.
So a little of that warmth, that audacity, goes out of Cisco. He sets it aside for now and says, in a softer voice ]
You think you can get back to sleep, or you want me to make us some coffee?
[ It may have been only for a second, but Harrison catches the look that Cisco throws his way and he knows — he knows what it's about. Maybe not entirely what's going through his mind but the general idea at the very least, what he wants (or what he thinks he wants). Meanwhile, in his own mind, he's starting to piece together what needs to be done in the next few days. Talk to Barry, have him sign the paperwork for them, find a landlord that won't ask too many questions — Detective West should have an idea about that potentially, and then move in. And then? Get Jesse settled. Get settled himself. Figure out what to do with his life on his own time. And put as much distance between himself and Ramon outside of work as he can for now.
Maybe he is afraid. But it's for a good reason.
Harrison shakes his head, resting his hands on his knees and shifting, ready to get up at any moment. ]
No, I'll try to get back to sleep again. Either I'll manage and it's fine or I won't and I'll have to look into that.
[ Cisco is actually glad that Harry is going to try, at least. He's pretty sure that the sleep debt Harry incurred over the last four months of his life still hasn't been made up; besides, if he decided to stay awake, Cisco was obviously going to stay awake with him. When he mentions looking into ways to sleep, if he can't Cisco quirks a smile ]
Well, I think there's some leftover sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet if you want to go for the nuclear option.
[ Of course, the reason Cisco still has them is that he didn't take them when they were prescribed to him, but Harry doesn't need to know that. More quietly, he adds: ]
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franciscoramon) wrote2015-02-21 01:38 am
no subject
But now? With his hair a mess and his face too pale still from his nightmare? Cisco wishes his powers included mind-reading so he could just be sure, for certain. So he could know what to say, what to do, what it is that Harry needs. ]
You didn't think you were gonna survive. You wanted to save her first, but...
[ It isn't a question; Cisco had never known, but he doesn't question it. He also understands, immediately, that Harry doesn't mean just in that moment. He means something much, much larger.
All this time, Harry had been so reckless, in ways that didn't make any sense to Cisco. If he had been so certain of his own death, though. That starts to put things in perspective. Why bother sleeping or eating regularly when you have a death sentence looming in the near future? Why bother being decent to people, when you knew you would be in the ground sooner rather than later? ]
And now you're still alive and you don't know what to do with yourself.
no subject
Don't get me wrong. I didn't want to. [ Didn't want to die, anyway. He'd known a number of fools over the years with a deathwish; he wasn't one of them. ] But it seemed inevitable.
[ Harrison doesn't elaborate on that, settling back in against the couch instead. What else is there to say? He'd accepted it for awhile, from the moment Jesse was taken, but he'd be lying if he said he was fully at peace with it when they finally tracked down Zoom. Some small part of him had grown attached to their world, their problems, them, and it grew little by little as the weeks passed. And now? ]
And— yes, now I'm still alive. And I don't know what to do with myself. [ He glances over at him again, eyes half-lidded. ] Something with S.T.A.R. Labs maybe, depending on how Barry wants to go forward with it. I don't know.
[ His real problem was that he didn't know what to do with his sudden abundance of hope. Not a bad problem to have all things considered, but Harrison couldn't help but idly wonder when the other shoe would drop and everything would go to hell. ]
no subject
But even back when it was full of people and noise, S.T.A.R. Labs had been wrong, because Eobard Thawne had been at the center of it. It had been his personal spiderweb, and he had only twitched the right strands that would make his own plans come to fruition.
With Harry here, it could be restored, remade into the place it was always meant to be. ]
You're Harrison Wells. You can do anything.
[ Cisco has felt a lot of things for Harry, in the months that they've known each other. Irritation, fear, resentment, betrayal - and also, sympathy, concern, amusement, camaraderie. The one thing he has not felt, has not allowed himself to feel is the one thing that comes out in his voice when he says that: admiration.
Admiring Harrison Wells is a dangerous thing, for Cisco Ramon. For better or for worse, admiration and attraction are wound up together in his mind, so that it is impossible to experience one without some measure of the other. He's been through this before; at least, he thought he had. Cisco remembers what it felt like, the first time he'd fallen in love with a Harrison Wells. He should know better. He should learn from past mistakes.
But Harry, with his head tilted back and his eyes mostly shut, looks tired and uncertain, and Cisco couldn't live with himself if he didn't remind him of who he is, of what he has accomplished, of how much more he can. ]
no subject
You're damn right I am.
[ He pauses, considering that. Obviously, the best case scenario would be for them to get the blame for Barry's mother's murder properly placed on Eobard Thawne — the other "Wells" — and then for him to step up and rehabilitate the name "Harrison Wells." It was a pipe dream in his opinion and he wouldn't jeopardize Henry Allen's freedom to make it happen. Harrison wouldn't be content to stay hidden away forever, but he could see himself at least skulking the halls of S.T.A.R. Labs for the near future, quietly passing along plans to Barry for him to officially implement and work on rebuilding.
And that was just one of the things he could work on.
Harrison slowly attempts to extricate his hands from Cisco's, placing them on his knees, and when he speaks again, his voice has a bit more life to it. ]
You see, my problem is that I went from thinking I had no options to the door being pushed wide open. [ He shrugs at that. ] It's not a bad problem to have.
no subject
[ He lets go of Harry's hands, a little self-conscious that he has kept hold of them for so long. Cisco crosses his arms, notes that Harry looks less shaky now, more like his usual self. He's glad of it, except that part of regaining that control is re-building those walls between them, pushing Cisco away to a safe distance. And Cisco is starting to think he doesn't want to let himself be pushed ]
I can show you some of the projects we were working on, before the particle accelerator exploded. See if there's anything there that catches your interest, that we could pick back up.
[ So many things had been put on hold and never glanced at again, but there were some promising ideas there. Ideas that could change life in Central City for the better, could push science as a whole forward, into the future. The offer is, simultaneously, a question. Cisco hadn't said that you could pick up. He had said 'we', the two of them. Working together. Not under duress, anymore. But voluntarily.
And yes, Harry is arrogant, and abrasive. Cisco will probably regret it, if the two of them continue to collaborate. Not to mention the fact that he would be picking up where Eobard Thawne had left off, and that could get... messy. But still, Cisco asks, and he wants Harry to say yes. ]
no subject
The "we" though . . . ]
Would you want to?
[ He sounds almost amused. They have a history and Cisco has a history with Thawne and he's honestly not entirely certain which one concerns him more these days. It's not something he thinks about much, more a small thought that picks at him from time to time. He's seen it here and there — the looks Cisco gives him, his tone when it comes to Thawne or anything surrounding him, how the subject will change and he'll not want to talk about it. Harrison is fairly certain there was something there once, something he'd be better off not knowing about. And then, part of him wants to lean in and whisper a simple truth to him: "I'll never be the man you want me to be."
Harrison shakes his head at the thought, leaning back and examining Cisco curiously. ]
no subject
But who would that lie be for? Cisco has never cared to lie to make the people around him more comfortable (the same way he has never been willing to compromise the way he looks, the way he speaks, just to fit in). The lie would be for Harry's good, maybe, but Harry is a grown man, capable of looking after himself. And yes, the lie would be for his own good. But Cisco's never been all that good at resisting things he knows might be bad for him. In fact, he is shockingly bad at it.
Cisco meets Harry's eyes, full-on, unflinching. There is a conviction in that stare, a heat, that isn't just about the science, however much Cisco tries to make it be. ]
Yes. I would.
[ Then, that intensity slips from his look, and he lets some humor creep in, the corner of his mouth curling into a challenging smirk ]
If you think you can keep up with me.
[ Keep up with him when it comes to cutting-edge science, of course. But even as he says it, Cisco hears the unintended innuendo. And then he watches Harry, wondering if it will register for him. Wondering if he has any idea, or if he is totally oblivious, to the way Cisco looks at him sometimes. Can't stop himself from looking ]
no subject
It's a bad idea.
His eyes meet Cisco's briefly and his fingers curl, like he's holding himself back, and he lets out a huff and dips his head. ]
Don't flatter yourself.
[ His voice is dry, a teasing air to it, but he knows it's also an attempt at a pushback. At trying to do the right thing for the both of them. ]
no subject
But Harry's teasing is entirely another thing. It needs no prompting from Cisco, half the time. It is also ruder, more straightforward, more genuine than anything Dr. Wells had ever said to him. If the first man with that face had ever told Cisco not to flatter himself, it would have devastated him. But he's a little older now, a lot less innocent, and Harry hasn't got the same hold over him as Eobard Thawne. ]
Sounds to me like someone who is afraid of a challenge.
[ Cisco keeps looking at Harry - at the stillness of him, the way his hands are held in loose fists. There would be one easy way, to find out. He could kiss him, here and now. Lay it out in the open between them, cut through the crap and the double-talk. His eyes flick down to Harry's mouth and then back up, just for a second.
But he doesn't. Not because he's afraid (well, mostly not). But because it wouldn't be fair to Harry. For once, the power differential between them is tilted in Cisco's favor, and he recognizes it. Harry is staying here because there is nowhere else safe for him, for his daughter. Cisco should not use that to his advantage. Shouldn't make advances that might be unwelcome, make him feel unsafe here.
So a little of that warmth, that audacity, goes out of Cisco. He sets it aside for now and says, in a softer voice ]
You think you can get back to sleep, or you want me to make us some coffee?
no subject
Maybe he is afraid. But it's for a good reason.
Harrison shakes his head, resting his hands on his knees and shifting, ready to get up at any moment. ]
No, I'll try to get back to sleep again. Either I'll manage and it's fine or I won't and I'll have to look into that.
[ He shrugs at that. ]
no subject
[ Cisco is actually glad that Harry is going to try, at least. He's pretty sure that the sleep debt Harry incurred over the last four months of his life still hasn't been made up; besides, if he decided to stay awake, Cisco was obviously going to stay awake with him. When he mentions looking into ways to sleep, if he can't Cisco quirks a smile ]
Well, I think there's some leftover sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet if you want to go for the nuclear option.
[ Of course, the reason Cisco still has them is that he didn't take them when they were prescribed to him, but Harry doesn't need to know that. More quietly, he adds: ]
'Night, Harry.