[ He lets out a huff and plants his feet on the ground to keep his chair from spinning more. Harrison may be going slow with the report, but he's got to make some headway in it if he wants to be able to start tinkering with prototypes by next week. He tilts his head to one side, giving Cisco a mild look over his papers. ]
Maybe.
[ He's not serious. He's seen the state of Cisco's apartment and he knows that it was far cleaner and better stocked than it usually was. At some point, he'd have to stop by and dump whatever leftovers he and Jesse have on him.
His eyes flick over to the whiskey briefly before shifting back to Cisco. ]
[ Cisco looks Harry dead in the eyes and drinks the rest of the whiskey he's just poured, only pulling a tiny face at the end, at the taste. Still, the burn of it going down his throat is very good, as is the feeling of that moment of impudence, of doing what Harry says he shouldn't, just to provoke him. He knows he can't do it too much, or risk actually making the man angry. But within limits? It's one of Cisco's favorite games to entertain himself. There's something so enjoyable about exasperating the man - in part because Cisco knows that behind the exasperation is something else. Tolerance. Fondness? Maybe that was too strong a word. ]
I'm not a lightweight.
[ Still, he sets the glass down, doesn't pour himself any more. ]
Why're you working, it's almost midnight. Don't you ever take a break?
[ It had made sense, while Jesse was missing. Had still made sense, those first few days he was adjusting to a life not lived in constant fear and urgency. But now? Now there is just no excuse. Cisco reaches out, tugs the research from Harry's hands and tosses it gently onto the desk, out of his reach. Then, he stares at Harry, as if looking hard enough would allow him to see into Harry's brain, understand what makes him tick. ]
What did you even do for fun on Earth-2, before the particle accelerator?
[ Cisco knows he was a leading scientific figure, and a single father. But even then, there must have been some kind of hobbies, recreations, friends, lovers. Something. He's sure, in a way he never entirely had been with Eobard Thawne, that Harry is a man made of flesh and blood and nerve. That he has weaknesses, like anyone else. ]
[ Harrison rolls his eyes as Cisco downs the rest of his glass, turning his attention back to his papers. It's short lived though. Idly, he knows he's more than tipsy right now when Cisco is able to snatch the reports from his hands with ease, and he lets out a huff of protest before settling back in against his chair, eyeing him flatly.
Because that's a question he hadn't thought of in awhile. What did he do for fun? The particle accelerator came online right around Jesse's high school graduation; before that, it was raising her and running S.T.A.R. Labs at the same time. It was work, but it was satisfying. He'd never felt like he was left wanting back in those days, when he had something to work towards and someone to look after. ]
Funny thing, Ramon. When you're a CEO and the sole parent of a young girl, both of those tend to eat up your time. [ He shrugs. ] But. I read.
[ Which is a neutral answer, but it's also the truth. It was the easiest thing to do in what little downtime he had, from boardroom meetings where he attempted to look busy to waiting out in the car outside of the mall for Jesse to finish up. It was how most of the lab assistants had gotten to know him — he'd strike up a conversation about the latest scientific journal to be published, what it could mean for their future, their takes on it, and so on.
Harrison wasn't one to go out much these days. Before, he was busy. Then, he was tired or running himself ragged working on a solution to their Zoom problem. Now, he looked like a confessed murderer. ]
[ It's true that Cisco wouldn't know the first thing about running a company, or about raising a child. But he does know a little about working hard. Still, he had always made time for other things. Movies and video games and, yes, books and journals. But also, drinks, and bars, and dancing, and more than a few bad decisions. He didn't expect Harry's answer would be anything like that, but... ]
You read. That's it? C'mon, Harry, there's gotta be more. You listen to music. [ Cisco gestures at the computer which is still making its way through Harry's playlist ] I know you've at least seen, like, a couple good movies.
[ Cisco's head feels a little heavy on his neck, his limbs loose and warm, the words coming from him with less and less time for editing in his brain. ]
There's no way you haven't got at least one tiny, itsy bitsy vice. [ He holds up thumb and forefinger, barely a centimeter apart. Cisco's smiling at Harry, eyes bright and dark, biting at his bottom lip just a little. ] Is it so bad you're worried to tell me?
[ A clumsy tactic, maybe. But clumsy tactics worked, sometimes. Cisco's too tipsy for anything subtle, and subtle's never worked much on Earth-2's Harrison Wells, anyway. ]
[ He raises an eyebrow, crossing his arms at that. He'd given up a lot over the past decade and some change, he knows. A movie here, drinks out there, but beyond that, his family and his work had been his life. Harrison nods over at Cisco. ]
I do what anyone else does. What are you fishing for, exactly?
[ At that, he leans forward, eyeing him suspiciously. Sometimes, Cisco would pick at things just because he could, because he wanted to know and felt like he had to know. It annoyed Harrison to no end at times, but he'd mostly gotten used to it. Now, it was bordering on annoying again. If he wanted something, he should just come out and say it.
He uncrosses his arms, resting his hands on his knees and continuing to lean forward, eyeing him coolly. ]
[ Cisco doesn't know what he's fishing for. Doesn't think of himself as fishing for anything in particular, until Harry calls him out on it. He can tell from the shift in Harry's demeanor that he's struck a nerve, or close to one. Cisco doesn't want him angry; senses immediately when to shift, approach from a different angle. His smile widens, changes, voice pitched a bit lower when he says: ]
All I'm sayin' is I think it's been a long-ass time since you had some actual fun, and maybe if you did, it would be good for you.
[ He lets his inflection slip between the two meanings of that phrase - good for you the way regular doctor visits are good for you, and good for you the way it would come out if he'd been saying 'I can make it good for you'.
It's not as if Cisco has never flirted with Harry before. There have been times when he has toed that line, obliquely, briefly. But this is different. Blatant. Cisco lets his gaze go hot, lets his head fall to the side a few degrees, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth more fully, in open appreciation of what he sees when he looks at Harry.
Cisco knows he shouldn't. Shouldn't because Harry's still staying with him (he's already signed the lease on his new place). Shouldn't because they work together (their jobs are so far from conventional, what does it matter?). Shouldn't because he's had a bit to drink (like that's ever stopped him in his life). Shouldn't because Harry's old enough to be his father (that's never even slowed him down). Shouldn't because he's pretty sure Harry is straight (but there've been moments when Cisco is sure he catches Harry's eyes on him, just for a split second). Shouldn't because Harry looks exactly the same as... well. That's the one and only shouldn't Cisco can't quite talk himself out of.
But one single shouldn't makes a poor dam against all the things Cisco has imagined, all the things Cisco has barely dared to let himself want.
So he leans forward, too. Mirroring Harry, at first, except that he puts his hands on the armrests of Harry's chair, drags himself forward until their knees knock together. And then, the momentum is enough that Cisco lets himself keep going. Lets himself close the distance between Harry's mouth and his, his eyes slipping shut as he kisses him. It's a playful kiss, curious and insistent and hungry all at once. Like he's wanted to do this for ages. Like he's having the time of his life. Like he can't imagine anything better in the world. ]
[ It's a bad idea. It's been a bad idea for quite some time and something that Harrison has been quietly resisting and putting his foot down about. But there are some things he can't ignore. He's surprised at first when Cisco leans in and— there's enough time that he could pull away if he wants to. He could push Cisco's chair back playfully, mock him for his lack of sobriety and play it off as some joke and then move on with their lives.
Instead, his lips part as he meets that kiss with a curiosity of his own, a hint of caution there. Instictively, he lifts a hand from his lap and rests it at the back of Cisco's neck, bracing.
There are so many reasons he shouldn't. He's taking advantage, just like Thawne did. They're all still recovering from a massive amount of trauma. And most importantly, nothing good can come of this, especially for Cisco. But in this one moment, in a haze of alcohol and lack of a good night's sleep, it's hard to clearly see that or allow for it to be the sobering moment it should be.
He's not going to stop it, not just yet. Because despite how every logical impulse in his brain is screaming for him to knock it off, Cisco wasn't wrong. It feels . . . good. For once. ]
[ Cisco had been more than half expecting swift, vehement rejection. Even though from time to time Cisco thought he saw Harry looking at him in a certain way, he could have been wrong. Or Harry could have been in denial. And besides - there's a big difference between looking and doing something about it.
So when Harry does not immediately reel away or shove Cisco back out of his space, it comes as a surprise. Harry's cautious reciprocation of the kiss feels like monumental. Cisco relaxes perceptibly when Harry lays a hand on his neck - quite the opposite of how he used to grow tense and jumpy any time Harry came anywhere near him. At first the kiss is goading, even a touch demanding. As soon as Harry kisses back, though, Cisco stops pushing so much, lets it become something slower, sweeter.
It is at once exactly like kissing Dr. Wells had been, and completely different. The physical details are the same - the pressure of that hand against his neck, the feel of those lips - but everything else has changed. Cisco brings a hand up to run fingers through Harry's hair, deepening the kiss a little, letting himself not think about anything for a moment except how different this is to what he expected. What else would be different, too...? ]
[ At first, he's content to see where this goes — something that he's sure is, in part, the alcohol talking. But after the pressure cooker of the past four months, Harrison can't be too bothered to care much about that. It's comforting in a way. It's . . . nice. It's been awhile since he's really cut loose and been close with someone in any fashion. College was a thing, as were the few years after. And then, there was Tess. No matter how stupid he was, he always came back around to the brilliant, the delightful Tess Morgan. Her passing devastated him and though he kept a brave face on for Jesse, it was unthinkable for him to put himself back out there for the longest time. And anything since was casual at best, strangers in passing or people he was unlikely to really see again, with encounters few and far in between as he drowned himself in more and more work. But this in contrast was different. It was light, it was involved, it was—
Something seems to click in his brain when Cisco lifts a hand to his head, and Harrison immediately tenses up. They're both drunk and he looks like Ramon's ex-superior. The one he had a close relationship with, whatever that looks like. There's a lot of complications at play — near death experiences, unfortunate doppelgangers, a near insatiable need for contact after god knows how long on his part apparently, among other things. They had to stop. They needed to stop. And that was an intensely frustrating thought and isn't that just like Ramon.
Harrison breaks off the kiss, pulling back abruptly though still in close proximity. His hand still rests at the beack of Cisco's neck, though his fingers are curled now with tension. When he speaks, it's a soft rasp. ]
No. [ A beat as he catches his breath. ] Damnit, Ramon.
[ Impossible, not to tense at the sound of that no. Not to feel a prickle of rejection, worry, humiliation. But it's not as bad as it might have been, if Harry hadn't kissed him back, first. If Cisco's lips weren't a touch numb from the feeling of Harry's mouth moving against him. That had been his first reaction, his gut reaction. And this? Is something else ]
'No' because you don't want to, or 'no' because you think you shouldn't?
[ Cisco's heart is beating hard, his breaths coming a touch quick. Cisco doesn't move out of Harry's space. He bumps the tips of their noses together, waits for Harry's answer with his dark eyes fixed on him, hand still moving very softly through Harry's hair. ]
[ Not the first one. He's wanted to for— he's not sure for how long, not really, but that doesn't particularly matter with Cisco not even mere inches away. It takes every cell in his body to keep himself from leaning in to his touch, to throw caution to the wind and get right back to where they'd left off.
But it's a bad idea for so many reasons. The biggest one looms over the lab, still lurking in corners of the time vault, whispers in the data they analyze, a shade that hasn't quite faded away just yet. There are a number of others, but that one hangs heavily at the forefront of his mind. And as long as it's there, he can't.
Harrison's eyes narrow and he pulls back, lowering his hand. ]
[ Ah yes, morals. So hard for Cisco to tell sometimes, where Harry's lie. Which lines he'll cross and which he won't. He's done some things that are inexcusable by anyone's standards. And he's also been noble, selfless, righteous. Cisco wouldn't have been surprised if it were pride, keeping Harry from making a move. But this? He hadn't expected.
(Moral objections had never been a real problem with the previous Dr. Wells, which in hindsight should have been a warning sign; he'd only asked if Cisco was sure, and then accepted his answer - warmly, in a way that made Cisco feel mature, respected, different from other people, special.) ]
Not drunk enough that you need to worry about taking advantage.
[ He doesn't follow when Harry puts distance between them, though it's a challenge not to. It might look desperate, and that's not an appealing trait. But he keeps his eyes on Harry, moving between his eyes and his mouth. ]
Believe me. I know what I'm doing. That wasn't an impulse kiss, I've wanted to do that for, like, a long time. [ A hint of a smirk, which Cisco hopes will demonstrate that he's in his full faculties, capable of making this decision. ] And y'know what? Just as good as I expected.
[ A little gentle flattery never hurt, did it. But he says it with a touch of humor, not slavishly ]
You're drunk and therefore more prone to making poor choices than you are normally. No, Ramon.
[ Which is really only the tip of the iceberg but he's not having that conversation now, not when they're both still intoxicated and therefore watching what they're saying. He rolls his eyes at the "compliment," crossing his arms almost immediately. ]
Cute. [ His tone is dry, oozing with sarcasm. ] I'm going back to work now.
[ With that, he turns his chair back towards his modules, slipping his glasses back on and staring intently. It's meant to be a brush off, but it's also an easy out for Cisco. Just go and say you were drunk later and we can forget all about this. ]
[ Cisco is definitely not taking that out. Not in a million years. He scoots his chair right up between Harry and the modules in question, getting in his way, refusing to let him turn his back. He can be just as obstinate as Harry, thanks very much. ]
There's no scientific evidence that a moderate amount of alcohol influences decision-making at all. There's like, a dozen double-blind studies that show that it's mostly the perception of social permission that drinking gives people that makes them do stupid shit they regret later.
[ Cisco tries to catch Harry's eyes, expression stubborn and determined and, even though he doesn't mean it to be, a tiny bit hurt. ]
And I make great choices.
[ He's starting to really worry now, that he won't be able to get Harry to listen to him. That Harry will ruin everything before it has a chance to be anything. ]
Harry, why are you doing this? And don't even try to act like you weren't into it, okay.
[ He was mildly frustrated before. Now he's— not quite mad, but severely annoyed. Harrison glares back at Cisco, jaw set. ]
This, Ramon? Is a mistake. And it's not one I'm going to allow for either of us to make. You can throw out as many excuses as you'd like. That's not going to make it any more acceptable.
[ He pauses, chewing at his lip briefly. Deep down, he knows what the biggest issue at hand is, though he'd rather not put it into words. It's not jealousy; he's never necessarily felt that towards the man he's met once, briefly and much earlier in his timeline. But it is uncomfortable to say the least.
. . . What the hell. ]
Besides. You can't tell me that some small part of this isn't about him. And until you can, with absolute confidence, there's nothing to discuss here.
[ Cisco knows who Harry means by him, of course. This is the first time either of them has brought up Eobard in this context. For one moment, Cisco thinks that maybe Harry hasn’t guessed, maybe he doesn’t know... but Harry’s expression is eloquent. He figured out that there had been something between Cisco and the first Dr. Wells. Something, as he put it, unacceptable. ]
Oh.
[ That realization punctures Cisco’s confidence; he drops his gaze, tucks his hair back for something to do with his hands. Swallows. It’s not like this has never happened before. Sure, Barry and Caitlin don’t know, but Joe put it together. Still, Harry knowing is… a problem. ]
You’re right. I can’t tell you that.
[ Maybe he would have dropped it there, if he were sober. Instead, Cisco licks his lips and then says in a rush ]
But I can tell you that if I went out right now and picked up someone in a bar, that would be about him, too. And… when I with Kendra, that was about him, too. I’m not gonna be able to be with anyone for a long time without it being kinda about him.
[ Honesty might not be the best policy here, if he wants Harry to keep kissing him, but Cisco thinks he owes it to Harry. Because he’s not some anonymous hookup for Cisco to work out his issues on. He’s… a friend. A colleague. A man that Cisco respects, despite how much they goad each other. ]
It’s not like I’m kissing you and pretending you’re him, or something screwed up like that. I mean, yeah, I’m attracted to you and you do look the same and maybe that’s a little fucked up, but the reason I kissed you is… it’s because you’re not like him. At all. You don’t – [ Cisco breaks off, swallows ] – you don’t treat me the way he did.
[ The anger seems to seep out of him slowly at that explanation. It makes sense, though it doesn't really help matters in his eyes. The fact of the matter is that the "Wells" that Cisco was with never even existed to begin with — it was a persona that Eobard Thawne had put on. Harrison could never live up to that when it was practically an ideal to begin with. Throwing Thawne's plotting into the mix just made it even more uncomfortable. If he were anyone else in the world, that might still be something they could work out. But he was, for all intents and purposes, Harrison Wells and everything that entails. Cisco could say it's different all he wants, but that won't dispel the ghost that still lingers around him.
. . . which is a concept that's difficult to explain when sober, nevermind when he's got a few drinks in his system. Harrison rubs at his temples briefly, then gives him a long look. If this were just casual, if there weren't any Thawne-related entanglements at all, then— what the hell. They're adults who need to let off some steam every now and then. But it's not, and that's just another can of worms, isn't it.
When he speaks again, Harrison just sounds tired. ]
Cisco. [ A beat, and then he waves a hand dismissively. ] The difference is that you going off casually with someone is still healthier than this. [ At that, he gestures between the two of them. ] At least that way, you'd be moving on to some degree. This . . .
[ His voice trails off as he considers his words for a moment, before huffing. ]
[ Cisco lets his tone sink lower, like Harry's, but the look on his face is just as stubborn as before. Even if Harry ends up still saying no, it's important for Cisco that he understand what it is he's saying no to. That he doesn't mishandle this crucial moment and then end up regretting it for a long time after. Maybe kissing Harry while drunk had been a bad idea. They should have talked about this first, and then moved onto the kissing later.
Except that Cisco would not have had the confidence to make his case so strongly, if he didn't know, for sure, that some part of Harry wanted him. That he wasn't setting himself up for complete humiliation ]
This is like, the ultimate moving on. If I can kiss you and think about only you, that means I'm... getting past it. Getting healthier, or whatever. And I'm not sayin' that that's the reason I did it, like as some kind of test for myself. Not at all.
[ In for a penny, in for a pound: he'd damned himself already so he might as well just come out with all of it. ]
I did it because I like you. You, Harry. [ Cisco swallows, tilts his chin up higher, defiant and trying for dignity even though it's hard, at the moment. ] You don't have to protect me from myself, or anything like that. I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions. And I decided that you needed a good kiss and I wanted to be the one to do it.
[ He heaves a sigh, lifting a hand to run it down his face before rubbing at his jaw in contemplation. Every logical bone in his body is screaming at him about how bad of an idea it is, countering any thought he has of even humoring Cisco. Or himself. Harrison's eyes flick over towards Cisco again, giving him a critical onceover. He's an adult capable of making his own decisions, okay. Sure. Then why does he still feel like he's completely taking advantage of Cisco?
There's a long pause before he speaks again. ]
We're not continuing this discussion until we're both sober. Period.
[ It's not a yes. But it's not a no either. ]
And you can't just decide that someone needs a good kiss, Ramon.
[ Cisco wants to keep pushing, to resolve this now and for good. If he lets the matter drop, there is a possibility Harry won't let him broach the subject again. Cisco has learned how good he can be at evading things. And, well. Cisco's a bit worried that he won't have the guts to bring it up, himself. Why waste the momentum they have, in already talking about it?
But instinct tells him to yield, to let his shoulders slump and to nod in acquiescence. Harry isn't going to credit anything that he says or does right now, just because he's had a bit to drink. Alright, fine. He'll just have to make it clear once he's sober that his mind has not changed. Cisco can be stubborn, can be persistent. No matter how things turn out, no one will be able to say that he did not try. ]
Okay, I didn't decide. I observed. Because you did. You do. And that's just a fact.
[ He nods at that, looking mildly satisfied. Whether they actually get around to discussing it is another matter entirely and, frankly, not his problem tonight. Which is good because that gives him more time to consider it — and isn't that a hell of a thing. His kneejerk response is "no," it has to be "no." But a small, impulsive part of him idly whispers, "why not?"
He knows damn well why not.
Harrison rolls his eyes when Cisco responds, crossing his arms. ]
[ Just because they're not going to decide anything tonight doesn't mean that Cisco can't continue to lay the groundwork. And part of that, he thinks, is treating Harry the same. Not acting any differently just because they'd kissed. Which means snorting, the corner of his mouth curling into a smile that's just a tiny bit mocking ]
I did, actually. But you answered that for me already.
[ Is Cisco referring to when he asked if Harry didn't want to, or didn't think he should, or is he instead referring to the fact of the kiss itself. The fact that Harry had responded to him - not as if he were just going along with it, not out of fear or uncertainty or to appease him. Cisco would have been able to tell. People are hard to navigate sometimes, but he could at least interpret what that kiss had said. ]
[ Harrison scowls in response, posture becoming more tightly wound if that's even possible. He pushes himself up out of his chair, having given up on doing any more work with Cisco in the same room for now, and slips his hands in his pockets. ]
You're drunk, Ramon. And so am I.
[ It's biting, almost vicious — or it would be anyway if he were able to muster more heat behind his words. He eyes him flatly for a moment before turning away. ]
[ Cisco thinks about pointing out the fact that Harry doesn't even sound that mad, about reiterating what he'd said earlier about alcohol not being nearly as much an excuse as Harry seems to want it to be. But the truth is, he doesn't want to get pulled into an argument about whether or not Harry had enjoyed the kiss. Cisco's certain of it, right now, but he knows that the longer he talks to Harry about it, the less certain he will get. Besides, there's some satisfaction in not even dignifying it worth fighting over. He knows what he knows. ]
Mhmmm.
[ The skepticism is practically dripping from the sound, but it's a warm kind of disbelief. ]
[ He doesn't bother to respond to that, to even look back, opting to storm out instead, to the makeshift room he has set up in the heart of S.T.A.R. Labs. It's not much, but it's privacy for now, a place to stick his head in the sand and not think about things. Or at least, not think about things while he's still thoroughly inebriated and prone to making poor decisions.
Harrison lays down on a cot, kicking his shoes off without a second thought, and pulls a pillow over his head to block out the light and the noise, or lack thereof. Ramon would come around once he sobered up. He had to. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
franciscoramon) wrote2015-02-21 01:38 am
no subject
Maybe.
[ He's not serious. He's seen the state of Cisco's apartment and he knows that it was far cleaner and better stocked than it usually was. At some point, he'd have to stop by and dump whatever leftovers he and Jesse have on him.
His eyes flick over to the whiskey briefly before shifting back to Cisco. ]
Haven't you had enough?
no subject
I'm not a lightweight.
[ Still, he sets the glass down, doesn't pour himself any more. ]
Why're you working, it's almost midnight. Don't you ever take a break?
[ It had made sense, while Jesse was missing. Had still made sense, those first few days he was adjusting to a life not lived in constant fear and urgency. But now? Now there is just no excuse. Cisco reaches out, tugs the research from Harry's hands and tosses it gently onto the desk, out of his reach. Then, he stares at Harry, as if looking hard enough would allow him to see into Harry's brain, understand what makes him tick. ]
What did you even do for fun on Earth-2, before the particle accelerator?
[ Cisco knows he was a leading scientific figure, and a single father. But even then, there must have been some kind of hobbies, recreations, friends, lovers. Something. He's sure, in a way he never entirely had been with Eobard Thawne, that Harry is a man made of flesh and blood and nerve. That he has weaknesses, like anyone else. ]
no subject
Because that's a question he hadn't thought of in awhile. What did he do for fun? The particle accelerator came online right around Jesse's high school graduation; before that, it was raising her and running S.T.A.R. Labs at the same time. It was work, but it was satisfying. He'd never felt like he was left wanting back in those days, when he had something to work towards and someone to look after. ]
Funny thing, Ramon. When you're a CEO and the sole parent of a young girl, both of those tend to eat up your time. [ He shrugs. ] But. I read.
[ Which is a neutral answer, but it's also the truth. It was the easiest thing to do in what little downtime he had, from boardroom meetings where he attempted to look busy to waiting out in the car outside of the mall for Jesse to finish up. It was how most of the lab assistants had gotten to know him — he'd strike up a conversation about the latest scientific journal to be published, what it could mean for their future, their takes on it, and so on.
Harrison wasn't one to go out much these days. Before, he was busy. Then, he was tired or running himself ragged working on a solution to their Zoom problem. Now, he looked like a confessed murderer. ]
no subject
You read. That's it? C'mon, Harry, there's gotta be more. You listen to music. [ Cisco gestures at the computer which is still making its way through Harry's playlist ] I know you've at least seen, like, a couple good movies.
[ Cisco's head feels a little heavy on his neck, his limbs loose and warm, the words coming from him with less and less time for editing in his brain. ]
There's no way you haven't got at least one tiny, itsy bitsy vice. [ He holds up thumb and forefinger, barely a centimeter apart. Cisco's smiling at Harry, eyes bright and dark, biting at his bottom lip just a little. ] Is it so bad you're worried to tell me?
[ A clumsy tactic, maybe. But clumsy tactics worked, sometimes. Cisco's too tipsy for anything subtle, and subtle's never worked much on Earth-2's Harrison Wells, anyway. ]
no subject
I do what anyone else does. What are you fishing for, exactly?
[ At that, he leans forward, eyeing him suspiciously. Sometimes, Cisco would pick at things just because he could, because he wanted to know and felt like he had to know. It annoyed Harrison to no end at times, but he'd mostly gotten used to it. Now, it was bordering on annoying again. If he wanted something, he should just come out and say it.
He uncrosses his arms, resting his hands on his knees and continuing to lean forward, eyeing him coolly. ]
no subject
All I'm sayin' is I think it's been a long-ass time since you had some actual fun, and maybe if you did, it would be good for you.
[ He lets his inflection slip between the two meanings of that phrase - good for you the way regular doctor visits are good for you, and good for you the way it would come out if he'd been saying 'I can make it good for you'.
It's not as if Cisco has never flirted with Harry before. There have been times when he has toed that line, obliquely, briefly. But this is different. Blatant. Cisco lets his gaze go hot, lets his head fall to the side a few degrees, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth more fully, in open appreciation of what he sees when he looks at Harry.
Cisco knows he shouldn't. Shouldn't because Harry's still staying with him (he's already signed the lease on his new place). Shouldn't because they work together (their jobs are so far from conventional, what does it matter?). Shouldn't because he's had a bit to drink (like that's ever stopped him in his life). Shouldn't because Harry's old enough to be his father (that's never even slowed him down). Shouldn't because he's pretty sure Harry is straight (but there've been moments when Cisco is sure he catches Harry's eyes on him, just for a split second). Shouldn't because Harry looks exactly the same as... well. That's the one and only shouldn't Cisco can't quite talk himself out of.
But one single shouldn't makes a poor dam against all the things Cisco has imagined, all the things Cisco has barely dared to let himself want.
So he leans forward, too. Mirroring Harry, at first, except that he puts his hands on the armrests of Harry's chair, drags himself forward until their knees knock together. And then, the momentum is enough that Cisco lets himself keep going. Lets himself close the distance between Harry's mouth and his, his eyes slipping shut as he kisses him. It's a playful kiss, curious and insistent and hungry all at once. Like he's wanted to do this for ages. Like he's having the time of his life. Like he can't imagine anything better in the world. ]
no subject
Instead, his lips part as he meets that kiss with a curiosity of his own, a hint of caution there. Instictively, he lifts a hand from his lap and rests it at the back of Cisco's neck, bracing.
There are so many reasons he shouldn't. He's taking advantage, just like Thawne did. They're all still recovering from a massive amount of trauma. And most importantly, nothing good can come of this, especially for Cisco. But in this one moment, in a haze of alcohol and lack of a good night's sleep, it's hard to clearly see that or allow for it to be the sobering moment it should be.
He's not going to stop it, not just yet. Because despite how every logical impulse in his brain is screaming for him to knock it off, Cisco wasn't wrong. It feels . . . good. For once. ]
no subject
So when Harry does not immediately reel away or shove Cisco back out of his space, it comes as a surprise. Harry's cautious reciprocation of the kiss feels like monumental. Cisco relaxes perceptibly when Harry lays a hand on his neck - quite the opposite of how he used to grow tense and jumpy any time Harry came anywhere near him. At first the kiss is goading, even a touch demanding. As soon as Harry kisses back, though, Cisco stops pushing so much, lets it become something slower, sweeter.
It is at once exactly like kissing Dr. Wells had been, and completely different. The physical details are the same - the pressure of that hand against his neck, the feel of those lips - but everything else has changed. Cisco brings a hand up to run fingers through Harry's hair, deepening the kiss a little, letting himself not think about anything for a moment except how different this is to what he expected. What else would be different, too...? ]
no subject
Something seems to click in his brain when Cisco lifts a hand to his head, and Harrison immediately tenses up. They're both drunk and he looks like Ramon's ex-superior. The one he had a close relationship with, whatever that looks like. There's a lot of complications at play — near death experiences, unfortunate doppelgangers, a near insatiable need for contact after god knows how long on his part apparently, among other things. They had to stop. They needed to stop. And that was an intensely frustrating thought and isn't that just like Ramon.
Harrison breaks off the kiss, pulling back abruptly though still in close proximity. His hand still rests at the beack of Cisco's neck, though his fingers are curled now with tension. When he speaks, it's a soft rasp. ]
No. [ A beat as he catches his breath. ] Damnit, Ramon.
no subject
'No' because you don't want to, or 'no' because you think you shouldn't?
[ Cisco's heart is beating hard, his breaths coming a touch quick. Cisco doesn't move out of Harry's space. He bumps the tips of their noses together, waits for Harry's answer with his dark eyes fixed on him, hand still moving very softly through Harry's hair. ]
no subject
But it's a bad idea for so many reasons. The biggest one looms over the lab, still lurking in corners of the time vault, whispers in the data they analyze, a shade that hasn't quite faded away just yet. There are a number of others, but that one hangs heavily at the forefront of his mind. And as long as it's there, he can't.
Harrison's eyes narrow and he pulls back, lowering his hand. ]
You're drunk, Ramon.
no subject
(Moral objections had never been a real problem with the previous Dr. Wells, which in hindsight should have been a warning sign; he'd only asked if Cisco was sure, and then accepted his answer - warmly, in a way that made Cisco feel mature, respected, different from other people, special.) ]
Not drunk enough that you need to worry about taking advantage.
[ He doesn't follow when Harry puts distance between them, though it's a challenge not to. It might look desperate, and that's not an appealing trait. But he keeps his eyes on Harry, moving between his eyes and his mouth. ]
Believe me. I know what I'm doing. That wasn't an impulse kiss, I've wanted to do that for, like, a long time. [ A hint of a smirk, which Cisco hopes will demonstrate that he's in his full faculties, capable of making this decision. ] And y'know what? Just as good as I expected.
[ A little gentle flattery never hurt, did it. But he says it with a touch of humor, not slavishly ]
no subject
[ Which is really only the tip of the iceberg but he's not having that conversation now, not when they're both still intoxicated and therefore watching what they're saying. He rolls his eyes at the "compliment," crossing his arms almost immediately. ]
Cute. [ His tone is dry, oozing with sarcasm. ] I'm going back to work now.
[ With that, he turns his chair back towards his modules, slipping his glasses back on and staring intently. It's meant to be a brush off, but it's also an easy out for Cisco. Just go and say you were drunk later and we can forget all about this. ]
no subject
There's no scientific evidence that a moderate amount of alcohol influences decision-making at all. There's like, a dozen double-blind studies that show that it's mostly the perception of social permission that drinking gives people that makes them do stupid shit they regret later.
[ Cisco tries to catch Harry's eyes, expression stubborn and determined and, even though he doesn't mean it to be, a tiny bit hurt. ]
And I make great choices.
[ He's starting to really worry now, that he won't be able to get Harry to listen to him. That Harry will ruin everything before it has a chance to be anything. ]
Harry, why are you doing this? And don't even try to act like you weren't into it, okay.
no subject
This, Ramon? Is a mistake. And it's not one I'm going to allow for either of us to make. You can throw out as many excuses as you'd like. That's not going to make it any more acceptable.
[ He pauses, chewing at his lip briefly. Deep down, he knows what the biggest issue at hand is, though he'd rather not put it into words. It's not jealousy; he's never necessarily felt that towards the man he's met once, briefly and much earlier in his timeline. But it is uncomfortable to say the least.
. . . What the hell. ]
Besides. You can't tell me that some small part of this isn't about him. And until you can, with absolute confidence, there's nothing to discuss here.
no subject
Oh.
[ That realization punctures Cisco’s confidence; he drops his gaze, tucks his hair back for something to do with his hands. Swallows. It’s not like this has never happened before. Sure, Barry and Caitlin don’t know, but Joe put it together. Still, Harry knowing is… a problem. ]
You’re right. I can’t tell you that.
[ Maybe he would have dropped it there, if he were sober. Instead, Cisco licks his lips and then says in a rush ]
But I can tell you that if I went out right now and picked up someone in a bar, that would be about him, too. And… when I with Kendra, that was about him, too. I’m not gonna be able to be with anyone for a long time without it being kinda about him.
[ Honesty might not be the best policy here, if he wants Harry to keep kissing him, but Cisco thinks he owes it to Harry. Because he’s not some anonymous hookup for Cisco to work out his issues on. He’s… a friend. A colleague. A man that Cisco respects, despite how much they goad each other. ]
It’s not like I’m kissing you and pretending you’re him, or something screwed up like that. I mean, yeah, I’m attracted to you and you do look the same and maybe that’s a little fucked up, but the reason I kissed you is… it’s because you’re not like him. At all. You don’t – [ Cisco breaks off, swallows ] – you don’t treat me the way he did.
no subject
. . . which is a concept that's difficult to explain when sober, nevermind when he's got a few drinks in his system. Harrison rubs at his temples briefly, then gives him a long look. If this were just casual, if there weren't any Thawne-related entanglements at all, then— what the hell. They're adults who need to let off some steam every now and then. But it's not, and that's just another can of worms, isn't it.
When he speaks again, Harrison just sounds tired. ]
Cisco. [ A beat, and then he waves a hand dismissively. ] The difference is that you going off casually with someone is still healthier than this. [ At that, he gestures between the two of them. ] At least that way, you'd be moving on to some degree. This . . .
[ His voice trails off as he considers his words for a moment, before huffing. ]
Isn't.
no subject
[ Cisco lets his tone sink lower, like Harry's, but the look on his face is just as stubborn as before. Even if Harry ends up still saying no, it's important for Cisco that he understand what it is he's saying no to. That he doesn't mishandle this crucial moment and then end up regretting it for a long time after. Maybe kissing Harry while drunk had been a bad idea. They should have talked about this first, and then moved onto the kissing later.
Except that Cisco would not have had the confidence to make his case so strongly, if he didn't know, for sure, that some part of Harry wanted him. That he wasn't setting himself up for complete humiliation ]
This is like, the ultimate moving on. If I can kiss you and think about only you, that means I'm... getting past it. Getting healthier, or whatever. And I'm not sayin' that that's the reason I did it, like as some kind of test for myself. Not at all.
[ In for a penny, in for a pound: he'd damned himself already so he might as well just come out with all of it. ]
I did it because I like you. You, Harry. [ Cisco swallows, tilts his chin up higher, defiant and trying for dignity even though it's hard, at the moment. ] You don't have to protect me from myself, or anything like that. I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions. And I decided that you needed a good kiss and I wanted to be the one to do it.
no subject
There's a long pause before he speaks again. ]
We're not continuing this discussion until we're both sober. Period.
[ It's not a yes. But it's not a no either. ]
And you can't just decide that someone needs a good kiss, Ramon.
no subject
But instinct tells him to yield, to let his shoulders slump and to nod in acquiescence. Harry isn't going to credit anything that he says or does right now, just because he's had a bit to drink. Alright, fine. He'll just have to make it clear once he's sober that his mind has not changed. Cisco can be stubborn, can be persistent. No matter how things turn out, no one will be able to say that he did not try. ]
Okay, I didn't decide. I observed. Because you did. You do. And that's just a fact.
no subject
He knows damn well why not.
Harrison rolls his eyes when Cisco responds, crossing his arms. ]
Maybe I don't want one. Have you considered that?
no subject
I did, actually. But you answered that for me already.
[ Is Cisco referring to when he asked if Harry didn't want to, or didn't think he should, or is he instead referring to the fact of the kiss itself. The fact that Harry had responded to him - not as if he were just going along with it, not out of fear or uncertainty or to appease him. Cisco would have been able to tell. People are hard to navigate sometimes, but he could at least interpret what that kiss had said. ]
no subject
You're drunk, Ramon. And so am I.
[ It's biting, almost vicious — or it would be anyway if he were able to muster more heat behind his words. He eyes him flatly for a moment before turning away. ]
no subject
Mhmmm.
[ The skepticism is practically dripping from the sound, but it's a warm kind of disbelief. ]
no subject
Harrison lays down on a cot, kicking his shoes off without a second thought, and pulls a pillow over his head to block out the light and the noise, or lack thereof. Ramon would come around once he sobered up. He had to. ]