[ Of course, all those things had happened, but Cisco is past it. He thought he was past it. Isn't he?
But how can he be, when those words came so quickly to his lips, almost without conscious thought? He doesn't know why he'd hurled that accusation in Harry's face. He had just been so caught off guard by what he said, so afraid that Harry was right about him.
And now Cisco can see the hurt in the way Harry's standing, in how he's looking away. There was a time when he might have ridden on the crest of that anger, really nailed the point home, made his point explicit with numerous examples. But back then, he wouldn't have thought Harry would care much one way or another. His anger would've been a reflexive response to Harry's indifferent. And right now, Harry's anything but indifferent, no matter what he might be trying to project.
Cisco swallows, dropping his head forward into his hands. If he apologizes now, will it make Harry more or less angry? Will apologizing make him a pushover? Will not apologizing mean Harry breaking up with him. It's all such a mess and Cisco doesn't know what's right, doesn't know what he should do. So he defaults to what feels right - quiet, hoarse apologies. ]
I don't know why I said that. I'm really sorry. That was totally below the belt.
[ His voice is a steady rasp as he turns his gaze back towards him, staring flatly. He had to have meant it on some level; otherwise, why even say it? And it wasn't like he was wrong, either. Harrison had just thought they'd moved past that by now. Apparently, he'd thought wrong. The apology . . . he can only sigh inwardly at it, shifting his eyes away. It feels like avoidance, like a way to duck it all and pretend everything is fine without really listening.
Harrison shakes his head, turning around and heading towards the door. Why did he even think talking would work? It's never worked in the past. Why would it suddenly all work out now? Better to cut his losses and leave now without another word than continue a fruitless back and forth. ]
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franciscoramon) wrote2015-02-21 01:38 am
no subject
[ Of course, all those things had happened, but Cisco is past it. He thought he was past it. Isn't he?
But how can he be, when those words came so quickly to his lips, almost without conscious thought? He doesn't know why he'd hurled that accusation in Harry's face. He had just been so caught off guard by what he said, so afraid that Harry was right about him.
And now Cisco can see the hurt in the way Harry's standing, in how he's looking away. There was a time when he might have ridden on the crest of that anger, really nailed the point home, made his point explicit with numerous examples. But back then, he wouldn't have thought Harry would care much one way or another. His anger would've been a reflexive response to Harry's indifferent. And right now, Harry's anything but indifferent, no matter what he might be trying to project.
Cisco swallows, dropping his head forward into his hands. If he apologizes now, will it make Harry more or less angry? Will apologizing make him a pushover? Will not apologizing mean Harry breaking up with him. It's all such a mess and Cisco doesn't know what's right, doesn't know what he should do. So he defaults to what feels right - quiet, hoarse apologies. ]
I don't know why I said that. I'm really sorry. That was totally below the belt.
no subject
[ His voice is a steady rasp as he turns his gaze back towards him, staring flatly. He had to have meant it on some level; otherwise, why even say it? And it wasn't like he was wrong, either. Harrison had just thought they'd moved past that by now. Apparently, he'd thought wrong. The apology . . . he can only sigh inwardly at it, shifting his eyes away. It feels like avoidance, like a way to duck it all and pretend everything is fine without really listening.
Harrison shakes his head, turning around and heading towards the door. Why did he even think talking would work? It's never worked in the past. Why would it suddenly all work out now? Better to cut his losses and leave now without another word than continue a fruitless back and forth. ]