[ Cisco intends to make the most of this victory. They'd beaten Zoom, for real. Not just trapped him on Earth-2, not just locked him up like all the other villains. Because he isn't like the other villains. But he's dead, and gone, and Cisco is going to wring every last bit of joy out of that. He hadn't had the chance, when it had been the Reverse Flash. It had been too close to a pyrrhic victory - with Eddie dead, and Ronnie dead, and the singularity ripping the city to pieces. Barry and Caitlin and Iris and even Joe had been left hollowed out by it, and so jubilation hadn't really been appropriate.
Things aren't exactly perfect, this time around. Barry had lost his father. Caitlin is still going to be dealing with the trauma of her kidnapping for a long time. But everyone else is alive, and safe. So as far as Cisco's concerned, it's time to pop some bottles.
Which is why he greets Harry with far more than his usual enthusiasm. The door to the lab has only just swung shut before Cisco is bounding over to him, throwing arms around his neck and kissing him with dizzy enthusiasm. Or, at least, he is at first. It only takes a moment to feel that Harry's response is not what it should be. Cisco draws back, grinning, voice coaxing as he asks: ]
C'mon, we won! Live a little-
[ But Harry doesn't look grudging or grumpy or tired or anything like that. He looks... pale. Still. Cisco's stomach sinks with dread, heartbeat speeding up in sudden worry. Had something else gone wrong? What could have gone wrong? Couldn't he just have this one moment to be happy and nothing else? ]
[ The sudden kiss makes it all the more difficult. Harrison can't bear to bring himself to kiss back, no matter how pleased he may be that Zoom is finally dead and gone. It would seem almost cruel with what he's about to tell him, to give him that carefree moment. He reaches over to rest a hand on his shoulder, steadying him and attempting to bring him down off his cloud a bit. He didn't want to burst it completely but— this wasn't easy. But he couldn't put it off.
Like ripping off a band-aid. ]
Jesse's going back to Earth-2. [ A beat. ] I'm going with her.
[ His brows crease with concern. He knows what that means and more importantly, he knows that Cisco knows what that means. He'll be leaving; he won't be there to sit in his lab, take over his workspace, and generally be in his periphery. He won't be there for them to steal a kiss in the shadows, mess around when they (falsely) think Joe West isn't looking. (He still hasn't heard the end of the med bay incident.) While it's not like they'll never see each other again with Barry's speed and Cisco's ability to create and see through breaches— well. It's not like a road trip to the next state over or anything. Long distance doesn't tend to cover interdimensional.
His voice is rough when he speaks again. ]
I've— got a lot to make up for there, still. [ There's a pause, because that's not it. Not even close. The best way he, Harrison Wells, can help is to pull back and he knows it. And Cisco knows it. ] — I can't leave her.
[ That's all Cisco can say at first. He wasn't braced for that. Short of Harry getting killed by Zoom (which had been a threat shared by all his loved ones) he hadn't really been thinking about losing him. Stupid of him. How does he always manage not to see these things coming.
Cisco takes a couple steps back without meaning to. He swallows, hands held out in front of him absently, loosely curled. Cisco's never been terribly good at hiding how he feels - particularly not from Harry. Harry had been able to see through him in ways that the others hadn't since the first day they met. And right at this moment he looks the same way he feels: lost, and stunned, and small.
There's nothing to be said. Neither of them had ever said anything about how long this thing would last. With the constant threat of death, they hadn't made plans. Hadn't even ever gotten a chance to go on a proper, formal, official date. Of course, Harry is going back to Earth-2. He would have probably made that choice even without Jesse. It's like he'd said. That's his home, and he has his work, his reputation, his whole life - a life that Cisco is not and has never been a part of. This had been a refuge for him: a temporary situation. Cisco had been a temporary situation.
Harry hadn't said come with me. Hadn't said you can open a breach and talk to me whenever. Hadn't even said I'll miss you. He wants Cisco to open a breach for them, and that will be it. A punctation mark. A permanent goodbye. ]
Okay. When are you planning on going through?
[ The words come out flat, hollower than Cisco had meant them to. ]
[ He can already tell that he'd basically given Cisco a swift punch to the gut. There was no way to sugarcoat it, though. Nothing would equal what they'd had here, what they'd been slowly building over the past few weeks — months, really. What he hadn't been able to do with anyone in years now. Ever since she'd passed, Harrison had buried himself in his work, in meaningless connections on the rare lonely nights. Garrick— Zolomon had been one of them; it meant nothing. He felt nothing at the news that he was dead and gone aside from relief. Embarrassment, too, at the fact that he'd somehow managed to sleep with the most notorious serial killer of his world, but that was a little known fact and one that would stay buried along with Zolomon's dessicated corpse.
His eyes flick down to Cisco's hands as he steps back and Harrison starts to reach for them before stopping himself and pulling them back out of guilt. He was the one leaving, the one basically putting an end to their relationship by driving a breach-sized knife through it. What gave him the right to try to comfort him now when he'd only be gone tomorrow? His hands hang uselessly at his side as he stares ahead at him and for once, his eyes are vulnerable, raw. Anything he had to offer at this point would just seem cruel, with his departure imminent.
This was why he'd tried to put the brakes on all of— this before it even began. The heartache had only been inevitable — for Cisco and, hell, for himself. ]
Tomorrow morning.
[ It's a quiet response. He could elaborate — Jesse's taking care of everything else, Garrick needs a night to recover — could even try to offer him one last night, but words fail him, as always. ]
Cisco—
[ He tries anyway, grasping at straws. What is there to say, at this point? ]
[ Cisco had been afraid Harry's answer would be whenever you're ready or any minute now or worst of all, the sooner the better. Tomorrow morning feels like a momentary reprieve. They have hours and hours; Cisco doesn't have to lose him just yet. Not quite yet.
Perhaps the smart thing would be to say okay, pick a time to meet tomorrow, and bid Harry goodnight. Slink off to his empty apartment and try to manage the pain in peace. Maybe that's what Harry wants. But if he has some chance for a proper goodbye, he's not going to give it up so easily. ]
We, um.
[ His voice is too small, too thin. Cisco stops, clears his throat. There is a mechanical deliberateness to the way he makes himself put his hands in his pockets, makes himself lift his bowed head, makes himself meet Harry's eyes, makes himself smile. He might be showing all his teeth, but there's no mistaking it for happiness. Cisco smiles, and it is even more wretched than when he hadn't. It's a laugh-so-you-don't-cry smile. It's a making-the-best-of-it smile.
Strange, how literal the word heartbreak can be. How it physically hurts in his chest as he draws in a breath and says: ]
We better make tonight count then, right?
[ It's an offer - one that Harry can take, or he can leave. Cisco can feel himself shaking a little, but he knows he can do it. He can get through it without breaking down. Give Harry something to remember him by. ]
[ He'd expected it to hurt, but he hadn't expected it to hurt nearly this much. Then again, as much as Harrison likes to believe he's cool and detached, he couldn't be any further from the truth. Watching Cisco try to force on a brave face, hearing him attempt to speak in a steady tone when he knew better — it was more than he could stand.
The ache in his chest only grows exponentially and he can't help it, can't restrain himself with his guilt any longer. He reaches out and grabs for Cisco, pulling him into a hug roughly, holding him tightly. He knows he's stronger than he looks, sturdier than he seems at first, so it's not the biggest concern on his mind right now. Even if he can open breaches, even if it's not necessarily a "goodbye," it still all feels so finite. And in a way, it has to be for both of their sakes. Doesn't it? What does he know anymore.
Harrison leans in and rests his head against the top of Cisco's, voice rough as he closes his eyes. ]
[ Cisco's back remains stiff even when Harry reaches out to him, grabs him into a hug that is just this side of suffocating. He's shaking - not very much, but enough that he's sure Harry will be able to feel it. So much for his composure. So much for his pretense of easy acceptance. He wraps his arms around Harry, clinging to the back of his jacket. He allows himself just a moment, to let go of the tight grip he has on his emotions. He presses his face against Harry's shoulder, lets that fake smile go as his face crumples with sadness. Cisco has never been one of those people who can cry like in the movies. It is always a hot, ugly mess.
But he doesn't cry. As soon as he feels the tears welling up too close, he stops them. Swallows them back by sheer force of will. He can do it, after all. Cisco only seems like the type of person who has no control over his emotions, but that's an image he has cultivated. Happiness, humor, fear - those he lets everyone see. But anger, and sadness like this, he has a lot of experience compartmentalizing.
When Harry says 'Dammit, Ramon', he can't help it: he huffs out a tiny laugh. Harry had probably said that to him more than anything else. At least once a day, it seems like.
His days are going to be pretty empty without a 'Dammit, Ramon' in them, for some time. ]
Come back to my place?
[ They'll have the most privacy there, and if Cisco is going to spend a sleepless night (because he already knows there is no way he is going to be able to sleep. Not when his mind will keep trying to calculate how much longer until Harry leaves) he would rather spend it in his own apartment. ]
[ He starts to rub at Cisco's back when he feels him shake, jaw clenching. He's a scientist, an engineer, he's supposed to be able to fix things, but he can't fix this situation. If he turns around and says he's staying, he's abandoning Jesse, leaving the whole world he threw into turmoil behind. As selfish as Harrison may seem at times, he can't bring himself to be that selfish.
But he can be selfish enough. ]
Yeah.
[ It would be better for them if they didn't indulge, if they just stayed close to the labs. It would be more of a clean break, without the long goodbyes and heavy air of sadness hanging over them. At the same time— Harrison doesn't want to go. He pulls back, keeping an arm firmly around Cisco as he leads him out to one of the vans because there's no way in hell he's making him drive tonight. It's a quiet drive there, almost too quiet for them. He'll miss the grief Cisco would give him over a missed turn here, a light he ran through there, and what if someone pulls you over, man. He smiles a bit at the thought. No one would dare say anything like that to him back home. Not even Jesse.
As for things he'd miss less . . . well. He'd be lying if he said he was fond of Cisco's apartment. It was undeniably him, at the very least, that much he could say. His nose crinkles up in an obvious display of how unimpressed he was at it as he settles in on the couch, but for once, he keeps his verbal commentary to himself. "Making tonight count" probably didn't include berating Cisco for his general lifestyle.
[ Cisco, for his part, doesn't even notice the mess, or the look that crosses Harry's face when he sees it. He's too caught up in his own thoughts. Part of him keeps desperately wanting to offer some kind of compromise. Obviously, Harry chose to stay with his daughter. That's the kind of person that he is. He's a good father to her - and Cisco wouldn't ever want that to change. But does that really mean the two of them have to be through, completely? He could offer to make breaches, come visit on some kind of regular schedule. They could set up some way of communicating, could make the best of it-
Even as he's imagining and practicing the speech in his head, it sounds foolish. Needy, clinging, desperate, pathetic. He doesn't want to be those things. Doesn't want to give Harry a bad last impression. If Harry had wanted to make it work, he would have said so. Cisco's been through this with enough people by now that he can take a hint.
So he settles himself in Harry's lap (thinking inevitably of the first time they'd kissed properly, soberly, the night they found out the truth about Zoom. Cisco should have realized back then that something which started amidst so much awfulness would end the same way). But he shoves away that thought, wastes no time in kissing Harry. He doesn't hold back, doesn't wait to build the kiss gradually from gentle to passionate. His hands are carding through Harry's hair and he's kissing him like it's the last time he's going to get to do it - because, after all, it is. He does his best to memorize every detail of this, preserve it for the future that is to come. ]
[ Harrison meets Cisco's passion with an intensity of his own, instantly distracted from the mess of their surroundings, if not the situation in general. At least for Cisco, he'll be able to move on after awhile. Which, Harrison notes, is a generous estimate in his regard — Cisco could easily find someone else if he wanted to. He, on the other hand, would have his work to focus on, as well as helping Jesse with her recovery. That's not to mention his reputation. Before, he'd been placed on a pedestal, revered by many, despised by a select few, and not really known by any of them. Now it was tarnished. That was fine by him, it was past time for him to own up to his actions and face the consequences. But it also meant that it was highly unlikely that he would be seen as approachable by anyone outside of his staff and Jesse for some time.
In other words, he had many lonely nights ahead of him.
But even then, none of it had ever been at the level that he'd experienced on this Earth. The way he instantly connected with Snow and Allen, came to respect Joe West, and then Cisco— well. There'd never been anyone who really functioned at quite his level before now. Theirs was an unspoken language at this point, even with a healthy dose of exasperation mixed in. He threads his fingers through Cisco's hair, holding him close, and all he can think of his how unfair the whole situation is. Nothing seems like it could make it right; there's nothing he can ask of him when it's a whole other world and he has his whole life ahead of him and meanwhile, Harrison has to lay in the bed he's made for himself. The bed that he didn't make for Jesse or Cisco.
Come with me — he's got family, you saw his brother — we could keep a breach open, use it to — that's a recipe for disaster, after everything with Zoom, you can't use that for an interdimensional hook up — I'll visit — no you won't, coward.
He firmly mashes it all down, determined to make this last night at least somewhat pleasant amidst all the sadness. He runs his hand through Cisco's hair slowly, rubbing at strands between his fingers, slides his other arm around him and slips his hand under the hem of his shirt, fingers resting on bare skin.
He should've done more for him. Should've done a lot of things. Now it would just seem cruel. So instead, he keeps it at that, drawing him close instead. ]
[ Cisco doesn't think he's ever watched the sun coming up with as much dread as he does that morning. The blinds in his room are drawn, but he can gauge the oncoming of dawn by how much brightness filters through them. He can hear birds first, and then slowly, a dull grey light.
There's nothing left to be done. Cisco's showered and shaved and gotten dressed already; he's already made Harry's gift and shoved it in an inconspicuous-looking box, tucked that box into Harry's backpack with a simple post-it that says 'to remember me by'. Cisco doesn't think he would have the courage to give it to Harry alone without crying, and if he did it in front of Barry or Caitlin... they'd gotten this far without knowing about him and Harry. Might as well leave it that way.
So he sits on the bed beside Harry, listening to the sounds of oncoming day and hating them. Harry looks so different when he's asleep. It's possible that watching him rest like this is creepy, but right now Cisco doesn't care. It's his last chance to do so.
The gift itself had probably been a bad idea, too. But it's getting to be a kind of tradition, and who is he to go against that? It's only a few small things. Some clearboard markers, a joke about all the times he made Cisco throw him one or get new ones. A tomato-sized rubbed ball with a bit of masking tape labelling it 'throw me'. A Big Belly Burger keychain, for obvious reasons. There's also a thumb-drive filled with pictures. Not just the few that Harry had allowed Cisco to take of the two of them together. Pictures of Harry with Barry and Caitlin that Cisco had taken, or of him talking with Joe, of Iris and Wally and Jesse.
And tucked in with the rest, Harry's metahuman detection watch. Cisco had felt a bit bad, taking it, but he'd been careful, making his adjustments. Wrapped around the band of the watch is another small note, explaining:
blue light + sound = breach nearby blue and red light + vibrates = breacher nearby
Just because Zoom is gone doesn't mean there won't be more threats, and it had been easy enough, setting the watch to detect people or objects vibrating at the wrong frequency for Earth-2. Easy enough to work it in alongside the metahuman detection process. Cisco remembers when he hated this watch, and Harry for using it on him. Now, he takes comfort in tucking it away in that box, hoping it will keep Harry and Jesse safe.
When Harry finally starts to stir, it's almost 7 AM. Cisco brings in a mug of coffee for him, sets it on the bedside table - any other day he would have told Harry to go and get it his damn self, but there's no harm in being accommodating just for today. Not like he's setting any precedents that will matter. He bends down to kiss Harry's temple, smiling a little at the wild state of his hair. ]
[ It takes him a few minutes to fully emerge from his sleep-filled haze, letting out a soft hum at the brief warmth near his temple. Harrison would be lying if he said that he'd slept well; he hadn't, though he really did try his hardest. It was difficult when some intrusive thought or other crossed his mind, jarring him into wakefulness. Who's going to keep Barry from self destructing? Who's going to help Joe look out for Barry? Who will keep an eye out for Snow and help her with her recovery? Who's going to challenge Cisco and push him to be the best he can be? It should be him, even though he knows it can't be, not anymore. Fortunately, they provide a decent distraction for him, and Harrison doesn't even notice that his watch is missing.
Slowly, he sits up, taking the coffee from the side table and raising it towards Cisco briefly in muted thanks. He sips at it slowly, running his free hand through his hair a few times to make it borderline presentable, glancing briefly to the side to give Cisco a look. He already knows what he's thinking — or what he should be, anyway, which is some crack about not owning a comb. Harrison quietly muses over that for a moment before reaching over to stroke Cisco's hair slowly, brushing some of it back behind his ears.
He was never very good with words, but he hopes, at least, that his actions will speak volumes. I'll miss you. I didn't hate it here. I think I care about you. ... though perhaps silence is just as golden.
After a few minutes, once he's finished his coffee, he pulls away from Cisco and stands, setting the mug aside and scooping up his pants and his jacket. It takes him only a few minutes to really pull himself together, checking his appearance in the mirror briefly, then turns back towards him. There's two words that he really doesn't want to say at this very moment, but they're long past due. If they're late, he'll never hear the end of it from Jesse. ]
[ Cisco manages to sit through it - Harry, looking at him like that, tucking his hair back behind his ears, touching it so gently. For all that he could be abrasive and impatient and destructive when the two of them are working together, Harry had never gotten rough with him when they're together like this, hadn't scared him. That's more than could be said of some people, in Cisco's experience. And maybe Barry or Caitlin wouldn't approve if they knew, but the fact is, Cisco doesn't think he's going to find anyone as good for him as Harry. Not for a long time, if ever.
But that's not the kind of thing he can think about right now. It's hard enough, enduring these final quiet moments together. He drops his gaze when his eyes start to get too wet, but no tears fall, so it's okay. When Harry gets up and starts getting dressed, Cisco gets the opportunity he needs to compose himself. He has to put on a normal face, a passable face, for their formal goodbye at S.T.A.R. Labs. The night had been theirs, and now it's back to playing the role of 'moderately sad teammate/ friend'. ]
You got your things?
[ When he sees that Harry has everything, Cisco shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, nods, and leads the way out of the apartment. Normally, if they're not talking about science, he is the one who fills up the silence with chatter. But he's not feeling talkative, this morning, so they make the drive back to S.T.A.R. Labs in silence. Cisco has settled into a kind of sleep-deprived numbness that he's grateful for. It'll help him save face for the fake goodbye. When they get up to the doors, Cisco stops. This is his last chance to say something to Harry, in private. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Eventually Cisco shakes his head and goes in, squaring his shoulders and forcing a smile that hopefully, Caitlin and Barry and the rest of them won't notice is miserable around the edges. ]
[ Both Jesse and Jay Garrick are already waiting for them by the breach when they enter, along with Allen and Snow and the others. Harrison makes his way over to all of them, going through each and every goodbye with care, giving them a tight hug. When he gets to Cisco, he pauses for a moment — would it be telling? Does he care at this point? He doesn't. Ramon might. So instead, he gives him a smile and reaches over to squeeze his shoulder instead before pulling back, giving him one last look before joining the other two.
It doesn't take long for Garrick to get them back to their world. Harrison and Jesse step away from the breach and make their way out, wide-eyed at the world around them. Central City had . . . certainly seen better days, but it was already clear that word of Zoom's defeat — or at the very least, his disappearance — had already spread. Buildings were being patched up, roads repaved, rails fixed— it wasn't instantaneous, but it was a process that had already been started.
Garrick steps forward, resting a hand on Harrison's shoulder and giving him a firm nod. Of course. Even though he'd spent months on end trapped in a cell, in that claustrophobic mask, he'd still spent enough time on their Earth to care about it. Figures, that that's how the actual Jay Garrick would be. Harrison shakes his head slowly, turning back towards the city and scanning it carefully, smile beginning to fade. Turns out, they didn't need him at all, and isn't that a kick to the teeth. But then again, he muses idly, maybe "Harrison Wells" has done more than enough for this world. It was probably past time for him to step back and let people like Detective West-Allen take the lead. Though really, he should have just—
No. Jesse needs him. Jesse, who's still recovering from her time with Zoom. Jesse, who doesn't have any close family beyond himself — family that will be there when it counts. He reaches over to rub at his wristwatch nervously, then furrows his brows in confusion when he realizes that his wrist is, in fact, completely bare. Did he leave it behind? Or stuff it away somewhere? Harrison pauses, reaching around for his backpack and unzips it to start sifting through, trying to see if maybe he slid it in the night before without thinking. His fingers brush along a box — a box? He doesn't remember putting a box in there. Carefully, Harrison pulls it out of his backpack, puzzled at first. It takes a moment for the post-it on it to catch his eye.
"to remember me by"
Harrison can feel his heart almost instantly sink at the familiar handwriting, the chicken scratch he'd insulted on a weekly basis, and slowly opens up the box, going through the contents. He lets out a quick, soft laugh at the ball and the markers because that's just like him, isn't it, giving him more ammunition now that he's out of dodge. The USB — well. He can only guess what's on there and knowing Cisco, it's probably pictures. He hopes it's pictures anyway because it suddenly occurs to him that he has maybe one or two at most. Harrison had never been one to take many; it was always those around him that did.
And there it is, the watch. The watch that Cisco hated, the watch that had ignited weeks of animosity between the two of them, and Cisco had . . . apparently taken it and upgraded it instead of dismantling it when given the chance. Harrison stares down at the note numbly, running his thumb across the watch as he reads it. After a moment, he lets out a huff — mostly to mask the lump that had started to form in his throat — and slips the watch back on, glancing up. Jesse had been eying him curiously, brows furrowing with concern, and approaches him when their eyes meet, taking a moment to inspect the box he was holding, realizing at once where it had come from. She glances back at Garrick who gives her another nod, then reaches over to tug at his sleeve, pulling him aside.
And then proceeds to lay into him completely.
He'd be proud if he weren't the focus of her ire. It was extremely apparent that the two of them were cut from the same cloth and when push comes to shove, Jesse Wells is her father's daughter. Words like "stupidly self-sacrificial" get thrown about almost immediately and that's not exactly a point he can argue with, especially when he'd considered stepping down from his position at the company only moments ago while continuing to work tirelessly in the shadows, as he had on Earth-1. Still. He can be just as stubborn as her and crosses his arms, countering each of her points with one of his own. He'd thought this through, he'd said his goodbyes. He had to move on— he had to, what other choice did he have?
"Take me out of the equation. Would you stay or go?"
"What are you—"
"You are such a pain, Dad. Just answer the question! — No thinking, come on! Stay? Or go?"
"— Stay."
Harrison had half-expected her to have the same hollowed out, almost betrayed look that Cisco had had when he'd told him he was leaving, but she only smiles in response, rubbing at his arms lightly, and tells him that yeah, that's what she'd thought. She'd known, better than he had, anyway. He was doing this for her and in time, he'd come to be unhappy. If not today, then tomorrow or the next day or a month down the road. Maybe resent her for it one day even, she reasons. Harrison knows better; he never could. But the rest rings true. Setting her aside, setting all the somewhat legitimate guilt he may feel about his particle accelerator — at this point, there is far more for him to do on the other Earth than there is here.
She gestures to Jay Garrick, though it seems like he already knows what's been happening. What exactly was said between the two of them before, anyway? The thought crosses Harrison's mind briefly, but he pushes it to one side almost instantly. Jesse tugs at Harrison's backpack, pulling out a key card, and passes it over to Garrick, who's then gone and back almost in an instant, passing a dufflebag over to him with ease before returning the card to Jesse. A glance passes between father and daughter, and she raises an eyebrow at him. It dawns on him — she's not giving him the chance to make excuses and back away again. He has what he needs.
The two follow Jay Garrick a few steps back into the building where the breach awaits. The speedster steps towards the breach, arms crossed, waiting. Of course he's waiting, he's been waiting for who knows how long to return to his own Earth. But first—
Harrison pulls Jesse in close, hugging her tighter than perhaps he should, though she doesn't seem to mind in the least as she laughs quietly, wrapping her own arms around him. Harrison can feel the sadness start to settle in the pit of his stomach and he lets out a sharp intake of air, fingers curling as tears slowly prick at his eyes. If anything, he's more of a mess than Jesse, but maybe that's because she'd known and had accepted it long before he had, letting her sorrow run its course. It's a good long while before they pull back, Jesse staring up at him with a soft, sad smile and reaching up to brush at his face with her fingers, and the two of them share another laugh — probably their last one for awhile, though not forever.
It's a good thing, he tells himself as he reluctantly pulls away, shouldering his backpack. She's 18 now, she'd be leaving home eventually. And it's not forever. If the past year's taught him anything, it's that it never is when it comes to the two of them.
Going back through the breach again is . . . not unpleasant, but it's clear that Garrick had taken more care when Jesse was also in tow. Then again, better that they make it back quickly, before much more time passes. How long had it been — maybe a couple hours? He's not really sure. He only knows that when the two of them leap back through the breach and Garrick steadies him with one firm hand, the room is empty and he can only muster out a rough "thanks" as he regains his bearings, glancing around. The lights are out and the halls are quiet, which would be concerning to anyone else if he weren't certain that it was just that most everyone else had left, gone off to take a well deserved break. The two exchange looks and Garrick gives him another nod before heading back through the breach.
And that's it, isn't it.
Harrison runs a hand through his hair and swallows hard, mouth dry. He hadn't realized until now how dry it was, how tired he'd been. All he wants to do is head home and crawl into bed, but that's a problem on an Earth where he doesn't have a real home anymore. It's probably too late to take back the notice for the apartment and if there's one thing he's learned over the past few months, it's that he's so, so tired of being alone. He shoulders his backpack again, shifting the duffle bag as well, and makes his way through the halls of S.T.A.R. Labs slowly, cautiously glancing into one room after another, looking for any signs of life still there. Slow because he's tired, but he's also not stupid. If they were to shoot first and ask questions later at this point with anyone they weren't expecting there, well. He can't really blame them.
Naturally, it's Allen he runs into first. Allen, who doesn't quite seem all there, which is particularly notable by the unfocused look in his eyes and the cagey body language. Verbally sparring with him has always been strangely calming — I leave for two hours, Allen, and what exactly have you gotten up to? — and today is no different. They yell until one of them is hoarse — this time, it's Barry, and that's mildly concerning and something Harrison files away for a later date — and then quietly find a middle ground of their own. This time, Allen agrees to go to Joe, to take it easy for a few days. Let Wally take him around town, maybe. He's dubious at best as to whether Allen will actually go along with it or come up with some sort of asinine caper instead, but he's done what he can. Casually, as though it's merely an afterthought, he asks about Cisco. His voice should be carrying through the halls by now, going on about one project or another. Allen shakes his head, gestures over his shoulder — he looked wrecked, Wells, I mean wrecked — and in that moment, maybe Barry Allen isn't as oblivious as he'd thought. Yet another thing to file away for later.
He briefly thanks him before brushing past him and out to the van pool, snatching up a set of keys. Of course Ramon went home. Of course he's going to— what, wallow? He should have known better. Did he even sleep last night? Harrison glances to the left at his watch briefly. No, of course not. When would he have had the chance to sleep, with everything else he'd been up to? Sneaking around, planting— gifts. He grits his teeth. ]
Damnit, Ramon.
[ It doesn't take long to get to his apartment building, though speeding there helps. He hops out of the van, leaving both bags in there for now, and makes his way to his apartment, not even bothering to pull a baseball cap on or attempt to be subtle. He left subtlety on the other side of the breach. When he reaches the door, he knocks at it abruptly, raising his voice. ]
[ Cisco understands why Harry hugs Barry and Caitlin but not him. He's grateful for it; it's taking all his willpower to keep his shit together, keep it under control. Cisco knows he only has to do this a little longer. It will be easier, when Harry is actually gone. Or at least, that's what he thinks.
He doesn't leave S.T.A.R. Labs right away. He sticks around, cleaning listlessly, trying to get work done but dropping whatever he picks up after only a few seconds. Work should be able to distract him. Since when has he not been able to take his mind off things with machines? But it's no use. So he slouches into the Cortex, tells Barry that he's going home. He gives some excuse, but he can't even remember what it was a moment after. Nothing seems to be sticking to his mind: it all slides off a moment later, leaving no impression.
Probably he shouldn't even be driving in this state, but he makes it back to his apartment without running over any small children or getting into any collisions. He shuts the door, kicks off his shoes. He's halfway to the kitchen to start another pot of coffee when he starts crying. It happens all at once - one moment, he is fine, and the next the dam inside him breaks. A kitchen floor seems like as good a place as any to have a cry, so Cisco sits down, his back against the fridge, and bawls his eyes out.
He hasn't cried like this in a long time - the intense stress of the last few weeks (months, he thinks) contributes some, as does the sleep deprivation. But it's also just because he can't picture his life tomorrow and the day after and the day after without Harry. Even before they had hooked up, he had become a permanent fixture at S.T.A.R. Labs. In Cisco's life. He can't think of the last time when a day has gone by and he hasn't seen Harry for at least a few minutes.
Cisco is still crying when the door rattles on its hinges, the loud knock startling him badly. What awful timing. Is it Joe, or Barry, did something else go wrong-
Then he hears that voice, and it just. Can't be.
Cisco dries his cheeks hastily with his sleeves and gets to his feet, rushing over to the door. Confusion mutes all other emotions, for the time being. They are suspended until he figures out what this is. For all he knows, Harry's forgotten something in his room, even though he checked. So Cisco opens the door, not saying anything at all. He knows already that his face will say plenty - that his eyes and nose are red from crying and he can't stop sniffing and he must look completely miserable. ]
Edited (I'M SORRY I EDIT SO MUCH) 2016-06-01 05:39 (UTC)
[ Whatever Harrison had planned on saying dies off in his throat the minute Cisco opens the door. He'd known that Cisco was upset and trying to hide it, attempting to be strong or whatever garbage he was using to rationalize it at that moment, but it wasn't until that moment that Harrison had realized exactly how upset he'd been. Part of him wants to reach out and pull him in almost immediately; the other part of him doesn't feel like he has the right to do that anymore.
He'd figured that he would give Cisco an ample amount of crap over hiding that box in his backpack almost immediately, but that seems cruel now in the wake of his puffy eyes and streams of sniffles. The truth seems to die just as quickly in his throat though — too complicated for his doorstep, where they're both emotionally charged. It suddenly strikes him in that moment how incredibly lame his back and forth had been. Go through all the motions of leaving the universe, with the grand goodbye to all his friends and everything, and then end up changing his mind at nearly the very last second? Ridiculous. It's more complicated, he knows, but complicated isn't working right now.
Complicated is the silence hanging between the two of them as Harrison flounders, trying to find the exact words to explain what happened and why he's standing there in front of him now.
Better to start softly. ]
Turns out. [ He licks at his lips, searching for the words to explain, eyes flicking from the door to his feet to his face. It takes another moment and he doesn't look entirely satisfied with what he settles on saying, spreading his hands out in a gesture of acquiescence. ] I'm home.
[ He waits as Harry falters, searches for the words. It's something more complicated than a forgotten item, then. It's not another crisis - Zoom back from the dead, the multiverse collapsing, Jesse hurt, or whatever new horrors there might have been. Cisco's had ample opportunity to see how Harry acts when there's an urgent threat, and this isn't it. The closest analogue he can think of for how Harry is acting right now is the night after they'd found out Jay and Zoom were the same person. Harry had come to his door then with the same taciturn restlessness, the same inability to say what he was thinking.
Harry might not be a man of many words, but it isn't often that he hesitates to speak. And once he finally does, Cisco doesn't understand at first. His mouth as gone dry; he has to swallow a few times before he can speak, his voice soft but (fortunately) unwavering. ]
I don't- I don't understand.
[ Then, through the fog of sleep-deprivation and confusion and hurt, Cisco gets it. Or, at least, he thinks he does. But what if that is just pathetic, desperate hope, suggesting impossibilities? Cisco wants to believe it, but the hope hurts even more than the loss had. Harry can't mean that this is home, can he? Harry had made up his mind. Cisco had accepted that. He hadn't tried to argue, to hold onto him when he wanted to go.
His voice does shake a little as he asks: ]
Are you saying you're... back for good? You're not leaving, after all?
[ It's the "after all" that makes him pause, effectively deflating any momentum he had built up in the last few seconds. It's cruel, isn't it? To put them through all of that and then pull the rug out underneath them. It hadn't occurred to him until just now that him coming back after all that might not necessarily be a good thing. Allen had given him a wary look, though he'd chalked that up to Allen's general state of mind at the time. If travel wears a normal person down, then going through a breach twice in as many hours is ten times as tiring, and he can feel it wear on him.
Still, Harrison steels himself, pulls himself back together within seconds as he dips his head briefly, hands slipping into his coat pockets. As tired as he was, he was more tired of dancing around things trying to make them better — for Jesse, for Cisco, for any of them. It was easier if he just went with his gut. ]
Yes, Ramon. [ At that, he cocks his head to one side, raising an eyebrow. ] As a matter of fact. I am. Unless you think I'm standing out here on your Earth for some other reason. [ A beat. ] Allen was right, you look like hell. Bed, now.
[ He snaps his fingers at that — a gesture he used infrequently in the labs, mostly when he wanted to make a point and make it obnoxiously — pointing in the direction of his room. If he can at least stir something in Cisco, get the fight going in him again, well. That'll be a start. Enough of one, anyway. A step in the right direction. ]
[ When Harry snaps his fingers like that, Cisco isn't expecting it, and it startles him badly. He jumps, a tear that had been suspended finally skittering down his face. But there is a clarity in his eyes that wasn't there before - the annoyance cuts through that miasma of other emotions. And it neatly preempts any worries that might have been stirring that this is a time remnant, or a Harry from Earth-3, or a shapeshifting imposter like Hannibal Bates, or any of that.
There's no way you could fake that level of rudeness. ]
Did- you just. Snap in my face?
[ He looks affronted for a few seconds; like hell is he going to go where Harry is pointing, do what he says. If he looks like hell, well, it's Harry's own damn fault for it, for scaring him like that. For leaving.
But Cisco can't be angry at him. Not right now, anyway. Not when he'd just a few moments before been sobbing over how much he would miss him. He grabs Harry by the front of the shirt and hauls him inside the threshold, not even bothering to close the door before he's hugging him tightly. ]
I thought -
[ It's hard to get the words out, because the hope in his chest keeps growing, taking up more and more space. Harry says he is staying. That this is home. He's acting - like himself. His normal self, the way he'd been before he announced he would be leaving. Cisco is shaking but even now he can't quite believe it, can't let himself just be relieved. ]
[ He had every intention of asking him what he planned on doing about that, but Cisco beats him to the punch by pulling him in and hugging him fiercely. Harrison gives him a small, fond smile at that, wrapping his arms around him in turn, rubbing at his back lightly when he feels him start to shake. This is more like it. This feels right.
As for the rest of it— well. ]
You know, Ramon, that. That is a very funny story. [ He clears his throat. ] Which involves my daughter bawling me out in public — with, I should add, the actual Jay Garrick right there — after I found a certain box that had been slipped into my backpack without my knowledge.
[ He raises an eyebrow down at him, making it clear that despite what he may say, he's not really annoyed by it. It's more amusement than anything.
(though in this situation, if he doesn't laugh, he'll probably cry internally and he's so, so sick of that) ]
So. We talked it over. Jesse and a few of my assistants will take over S.T.A.R. Labs. She stays out of trouble while she finishes her degrees. My company can do some good. And I won't be there to stand in the way with my "stubbornness."
[ He's making light of it, but the truth is that they don't need him. They don't need his guilt, wouldn't know where to even begin to funnel it, and after the public display of a few months ago, with his name etched in fire in a few buildings, Jesse had very fairly pointed out that perhaps he'd be better off letting their world's injuries scab over before he starts picking at it.
It still hurts. Breathing is still difficult, knowing that Jesse is an entire universe away from him. But she's safe, she's healthy, she's focused and brilliant, and their Earth is better in her hands than it would have been his. He has to believe her, has to believe that much at least.
Which leaves him with this Earth. These people, his people. He pulls Cisco in a bit closer, tone softening just slightly. ]
Besides. I can't leave Joe alone with the three of you.
[ Cisco laughs - a tiny, shaky thing - when Harry says that Jesse had yelled at him in public. He can picture it easily; she really takes after her father in some ways. The fact that all that (and Harry's decision to come back) had been catalyzed by his gift is a little harder to wrap his head around. He had never thought, never would have predicted...]
Oh right, I shoulda guessed. Just a favor to Joe. Of course
[ His voice is still small and cracked from crying, but there's a thin note of sarcasm to it now, a trace of his usual humor. Cisco isn't fooled, not one bit. Harry had come back for them all. Joe, and Barry, and Caitlin, and him. Because in his own prickly and awkward way, he cares about them.
Which doesn't mean that it will be easy for him, being separated from his daughter. But, privately, elatedly, Cisco thinks this might actually be good for the two of them. It's not just his selfishness, causing him to think that. When he'd been Jesse's age, being apart from his family had been a precious and necessary thing. And even though there's no comparison, between the families, he feels like some space will probably do them good, too. ]
Any time you wanna talk to her, I'll project you over.
[ Harry's hand moving against his back is familiar and comforting. It takes less time than Cisco would have thought, for the shock to fade and for him to accept that Harry is back for good. But the fact is that Harry belongs here. On this Earth and with him - working and bickering and pretending to be mad about things that actually please him. Him saying he would leave, that had been the unnatural thing. This? Is easier to believe. ]
Thank you. For coming back.
[ It's difficult to make himself let go, but he does. There will be other chances to hold onto Harry. They have so much time, now. Cisco wipes at his eyes again with his sleeves and grins. The last 48 hours have certainly been an emotional rollercoaster. It feels like it's been a year since they beat Zoom, not just over a day. ]
[ He really doesn't. If anything, Harrison should probably be apologizing to him for putting him through the emotional wringer. But he's not one for apologies — at least, not unless they're absolutely necessary.
When Cisco pulls back, he keeps a hand on his shoulder, frowning slightly as Cisco wipes at his eyes. He reaches in with his own sleeve to wipe away anything else from Cisco's eyes, murmuring. ]
Look at you. You're a mess . . .
[ There's nothing accusatory in that statement, though. If anything, it's as close as he'll come to an apology, mild concern showing through in his eyes, in his voice. Of course Cisco had tried to be strong and held all of it in until he was gone. Of course he'd hole himself up in his apartment, so he could be miserable by himself. Harrison rubs at his shoulder with a thumb, then gives him a light push to turn him around, in the direction of his bedroom, and kicks the door shut behind him with his foot. ]
When did you last sleep? Don't answer that, I don't want to know. [ Another nudge at that. ] Bed. C'mon.
[ In any other situation, Cisco would probably object to being told that he looks like a mess. But today, he doesn't have a lot of fight in him, and he's sure that it's not just Harry antagonizing him for fun, the way he does sometimes. He feels like a mess. Cisco can feel that he is at that state of exhaustion where he doesn't even feel tired, consciously, but every movement takes extra effort, and every decision is agonizing.
So it's nice, having Harry turning him around by the shoulders and marching him back to his bedroom. It removes the necessity of needing to make that one decision for himself, for th[ ]e time being. He tries to hold back a yawn as they make their way down the hall. ]
I'm perfectly capable of pulling an all-nighter and functioning just fine...
[ Which he realizes a moment too late is actually answering the question Harry had said he didn't want answered. Oops. Oh well. He flops onto his messy bed, dragging the duvet over himself and saying: ]
Don't let me sleep too long.
[ At that point, the shock of Harry's return has sunk in enough for Cisco to think logistics. He'd already gotten rid of the other apartment, hadn't he? Or at least, put in mention the gears to do so, which could not be halted easily, without a lot of fuss and explanation. Hopefully, he asks: ]
[ Harrison rolls his eyes at that response. He already knew Cisco hadn't gotten any sleep, so it wasn't really a surprise. Hearing that was similar to getting a shock of static electricity after shuffling across a heavy carpet: shocking, but not completely shocking. He gives Cisco a push on his lower back as he flops, "helping" him get to his bed sooner, and then steps over to the window and draws the blinds. ]
You'll survive. [ A beat. ] Since when have you ever had a normal sleep schedule, anyway?
[ He lets out a snort, straightening a few things up here and there — throwing a pillow back onto the bed (underhanded, so it gracefully lands on top of Cisco), snatching up the coffee mug he'd left on the bedside table this morning (which, in hindsight, seems needlessly cruel, and he's quick to set it outside the door to throw in the dishwasher later), and scooping up a few articles of clothing and tossing them to the side in a pile. At that last question, he glances back over, raising an eyebrow. ]
I don't have anywhere else to go now, do I?
[ Which isn't entirely true. Now that Wally is aware of everything, Joe might be more amenable to letting him crash on his couch for a bit, at least until he worked out something else with an apartment. Snow had a basement. And when in doubt, he could always set himself back up in S.T.A.R. Labs and pull out a cot again. But none of those places really had a "home"-y feel to them. Granted, Cisco's apartment didn't either and in his opinion, it needed a fair amount of fixing up (he distinctly recalls it being cleaner before). But it could be.
Harrison pauses, then sits down on the edge of the bed, reaching over to pull the pillow off of Cisco and set it back at the head of the bed, before quietly clasping his hands in his lap. He doesn't have to sit there and stare at him until he sleeps, he knows — Cisco isn't him and he'll drift off soon enough. But he does feel responsible on some level. It's a powerful thing. ]
[ Cisco watches with only one eye cracked open as Harry goes back and forth, picking up things that aren't in anyone's way, throwing pillows on him, and futzing in general. He also thinks of the lab, of Joe's big, beautiful, comfortable house. Of a few other places all of which seem more convenient or luxurious than his messy apartment. But Harry says he is going to stay here, and Cisco can't help it: he smiles. ]
Good.
[ That smile only gets wider when Harry perches on the bed near him, quietly keeping him company. Any other day he might tease him for just sitting there watching him (and maybe he'll do it later, when he wakes up), but for now, Cisco is too too grateful for his presence to complain. Cisco keeps one hand tucked under his cheek, but he lets the other one come to rest near to Harry on the bed. Not touching him, but close enough that he could, if he just reached out his fingers. ]
You're really one to talk about- [ He is interrupted by a huge yawn ] -sleep schedules.
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franciscoramon) wrote2015-02-21 01:38 am
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Things aren't exactly perfect, this time around. Barry had lost his father. Caitlin is still going to be dealing with the trauma of her kidnapping for a long time. But everyone else is alive, and safe. So as far as Cisco's concerned, it's time to pop some bottles.
Which is why he greets Harry with far more than his usual enthusiasm. The door to the lab has only just swung shut before Cisco is bounding over to him, throwing arms around his neck and kissing him with dizzy enthusiasm. Or, at least, he is at first. It only takes a moment to feel that Harry's response is not what it should be. Cisco draws back, grinning, voice coaxing as he asks: ]
C'mon, we won! Live a little-
[ But Harry doesn't look grudging or grumpy or tired or anything like that. He looks... pale. Still. Cisco's stomach sinks with dread, heartbeat speeding up in sudden worry. Had something else gone wrong? What could have gone wrong? Couldn't he just have this one moment to be happy and nothing else? ]
What's wrong?
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Like ripping off a band-aid. ]
Jesse's going back to Earth-2. [ A beat. ] I'm going with her.
[ His brows crease with concern. He knows what that means and more importantly, he knows that Cisco knows what that means. He'll be leaving; he won't be there to sit in his lab, take over his workspace, and generally be in his periphery. He won't be there for them to steal a kiss in the shadows, mess around when they (falsely) think Joe West isn't looking. (He still hasn't heard the end of the med bay incident.) While it's not like they'll never see each other again with Barry's speed and Cisco's ability to create and see through breaches— well. It's not like a road trip to the next state over or anything. Long distance doesn't tend to cover interdimensional.
His voice is rough when he speaks again. ]
I've— got a lot to make up for there, still. [ There's a pause, because that's not it. Not even close. The best way he, Harrison Wells, can help is to pull back and he knows it. And Cisco knows it. ] — I can't leave her.
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[ That's all Cisco can say at first. He wasn't braced for that. Short of Harry getting killed by Zoom (which had been a threat shared by all his loved ones) he hadn't really been thinking about losing him. Stupid of him. How does he always manage not to see these things coming.
Cisco takes a couple steps back without meaning to. He swallows, hands held out in front of him absently, loosely curled. Cisco's never been terribly good at hiding how he feels - particularly not from Harry. Harry had been able to see through him in ways that the others hadn't since the first day they met. And right at this moment he looks the same way he feels: lost, and stunned, and small.
There's nothing to be said. Neither of them had ever said anything about how long this thing would last. With the constant threat of death, they hadn't made plans. Hadn't even ever gotten a chance to go on a proper, formal, official date. Of course, Harry is going back to Earth-2. He would have probably made that choice even without Jesse. It's like he'd said. That's his home, and he has his work, his reputation, his whole life - a life that Cisco is not and has never been a part of. This had been a refuge for him: a temporary situation. Cisco had been a temporary situation.
Harry hadn't said come with me. Hadn't said you can open a breach and talk to me whenever. Hadn't even said I'll miss you. He wants Cisco to open a breach for them, and that will be it. A punctation mark. A permanent goodbye. ]
Okay. When are you planning on going through?
[ The words come out flat, hollower than Cisco had meant them to. ]
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His eyes flick down to Cisco's hands as he steps back and Harrison starts to reach for them before stopping himself and pulling them back out of guilt. He was the one leaving, the one basically putting an end to their relationship by driving a breach-sized knife through it. What gave him the right to try to comfort him now when he'd only be gone tomorrow? His hands hang uselessly at his side as he stares ahead at him and for once, his eyes are vulnerable, raw. Anything he had to offer at this point would just seem cruel, with his departure imminent.
This was why he'd tried to put the brakes on all of— this before it even began. The heartache had only been inevitable — for Cisco and, hell, for himself. ]
Tomorrow morning.
[ It's a quiet response. He could elaborate — Jesse's taking care of everything else, Garrick needs a night to recover — could even try to offer him one last night, but words fail him, as always. ]
Cisco—
[ He tries anyway, grasping at straws. What is there to say, at this point? ]
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Perhaps the smart thing would be to say okay, pick a time to meet tomorrow, and bid Harry goodnight. Slink off to his empty apartment and try to manage the pain in peace. Maybe that's what Harry wants. But if he has some chance for a proper goodbye, he's not going to give it up so easily. ]
We, um.
[ His voice is too small, too thin. Cisco stops, clears his throat. There is a mechanical deliberateness to the way he makes himself put his hands in his pockets, makes himself lift his bowed head, makes himself meet Harry's eyes, makes himself smile. He might be showing all his teeth, but there's no mistaking it for happiness. Cisco smiles, and it is even more wretched than when he hadn't. It's a laugh-so-you-don't-cry smile. It's a making-the-best-of-it smile.
Strange, how literal the word heartbreak can be. How it physically hurts in his chest as he draws in a breath and says: ]
We better make tonight count then, right?
[ It's an offer - one that Harry can take, or he can leave. Cisco can feel himself shaking a little, but he knows he can do it. He can get through it without breaking down. Give Harry something to remember him by. ]
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The ache in his chest only grows exponentially and he can't help it, can't restrain himself with his guilt any longer. He reaches out and grabs for Cisco, pulling him into a hug roughly, holding him tightly. He knows he's stronger than he looks, sturdier than he seems at first, so it's not the biggest concern on his mind right now. Even if he can open breaches, even if it's not necessarily a "goodbye," it still all feels so finite. And in a way, it has to be for both of their sakes. Doesn't it? What does he know anymore.
Harrison leans in and rests his head against the top of Cisco's, voice rough as he closes his eyes. ]
Damnit, Ramon.
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But he doesn't cry. As soon as he feels the tears welling up too close, he stops them. Swallows them back by sheer force of will. He can do it, after all. Cisco only seems like the type of person who has no control over his emotions, but that's an image he has cultivated. Happiness, humor, fear - those he lets everyone see. But anger, and sadness like this, he has a lot of experience compartmentalizing.
When Harry says 'Dammit, Ramon', he can't help it: he huffs out a tiny laugh. Harry had probably said that to him more than anything else. At least once a day, it seems like.
His days are going to be pretty empty without a 'Dammit, Ramon' in them, for some time. ]
Come back to my place?
[ They'll have the most privacy there, and if Cisco is going to spend a sleepless night (because he already knows there is no way he is going to be able to sleep. Not when his mind will keep trying to calculate how much longer until Harry leaves) he would rather spend it in his own apartment. ]
One last time?
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But he can be selfish enough. ]
Yeah.
[ It would be better for them if they didn't indulge, if they just stayed close to the labs. It would be more of a clean break, without the long goodbyes and heavy air of sadness hanging over them. At the same time— Harrison doesn't want to go. He pulls back, keeping an arm firmly around Cisco as he leads him out to one of the vans because there's no way in hell he's making him drive tonight. It's a quiet drive there, almost too quiet for them. He'll miss the grief Cisco would give him over a missed turn here, a light he ran through there, and what if someone pulls you over, man. He smiles a bit at the thought. No one would dare say anything like that to him back home. Not even Jesse.
As for things he'd miss less . . . well. He'd be lying if he said he was fond of Cisco's apartment. It was undeniably him, at the very least, that much he could say. His nose crinkles up in an obvious display of how unimpressed he was at it as he settles in on the couch, but for once, he keeps his verbal commentary to himself. "Making tonight count" probably didn't include berating Cisco for his general lifestyle.
Besides, he already knew it was implied. ]
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Even as he's imagining and practicing the speech in his head, it sounds foolish. Needy, clinging, desperate, pathetic. He doesn't want to be those things. Doesn't want to give Harry a bad last impression. If Harry had wanted to make it work, he would have said so. Cisco's been through this with enough people by now that he can take a hint.
So he settles himself in Harry's lap (thinking inevitably of the first time they'd kissed properly, soberly, the night they found out the truth about Zoom. Cisco should have realized back then that something which started amidst so much awfulness would end the same way). But he shoves away that thought, wastes no time in kissing Harry. He doesn't hold back, doesn't wait to build the kiss gradually from gentle to passionate. His hands are carding through Harry's hair and he's kissing him like it's the last time he's going to get to do it - because, after all, it is. He does his best to memorize every detail of this, preserve it for the future that is to come. ]
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In other words, he had many lonely nights ahead of him.
But even then, none of it had ever been at the level that he'd experienced on this Earth. The way he instantly connected with Snow and Allen, came to respect Joe West, and then Cisco— well. There'd never been anyone who really functioned at quite his level before now. Theirs was an unspoken language at this point, even with a healthy dose of exasperation mixed in. He threads his fingers through Cisco's hair, holding him close, and all he can think of his how unfair the whole situation is. Nothing seems like it could make it right; there's nothing he can ask of him when it's a whole other world and he has his whole life ahead of him and meanwhile, Harrison has to lay in the bed he's made for himself. The bed that he didn't make for Jesse or Cisco.
Come with me — he's got family, you saw his brother — we could keep a breach open, use it to — that's a recipe for disaster, after everything with Zoom, you can't use that for an interdimensional hook up — I'll visit — no you won't, coward.
He firmly mashes it all down, determined to make this last night at least somewhat pleasant amidst all the sadness. He runs his hand through Cisco's hair slowly, rubbing at strands between his fingers, slides his other arm around him and slips his hand under the hem of his shirt, fingers resting on bare skin.
He should've done more for him. Should've done a lot of things. Now it would just seem cruel. So instead, he keeps it at that, drawing him close instead. ]
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There's nothing left to be done. Cisco's showered and shaved and gotten dressed already; he's already made Harry's gift and shoved it in an inconspicuous-looking box, tucked that box into Harry's backpack with a simple post-it that says 'to remember me by'. Cisco doesn't think he would have the courage to give it to Harry alone without crying, and if he did it in front of Barry or Caitlin... they'd gotten this far without knowing about him and Harry. Might as well leave it that way.
So he sits on the bed beside Harry, listening to the sounds of oncoming day and hating them. Harry looks so different when he's asleep. It's possible that watching him rest like this is creepy, but right now Cisco doesn't care. It's his last chance to do so.
The gift itself had probably been a bad idea, too. But it's getting to be a kind of tradition, and who is he to go against that? It's only a few small things. Some clearboard markers, a joke about all the times he made Cisco throw him one or get new ones. A tomato-sized rubbed ball with a bit of masking tape labelling it 'throw me'. A Big Belly Burger keychain, for obvious reasons. There's also a thumb-drive filled with pictures. Not just the few that Harry had allowed Cisco to take of the two of them together. Pictures of Harry with Barry and Caitlin that Cisco had taken, or of him talking with Joe, of Iris and Wally and Jesse.
And tucked in with the rest, Harry's metahuman detection watch. Cisco had felt a bit bad, taking it, but he'd been careful, making his adjustments. Wrapped around the band of the watch is another small note, explaining:
blue light + sound = breach nearby
blue and red light + vibrates = breacher nearby
Just because Zoom is gone doesn't mean there won't be more threats, and it had been easy enough, setting the watch to detect people or objects vibrating at the wrong frequency for Earth-2. Easy enough to work it in alongside the metahuman detection process. Cisco remembers when he hated this watch, and Harry for using it on him. Now, he takes comfort in tucking it away in that box, hoping it will keep Harry and Jesse safe.
When Harry finally starts to stir, it's almost 7 AM. Cisco brings in a mug of coffee for him, sets it on the bedside table - any other day he would have told Harry to go and get it his damn self, but there's no harm in being accommodating just for today. Not like he's setting any precedents that will matter. He bends down to kiss Harry's temple, smiling a little at the wild state of his hair. ]
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Slowly, he sits up, taking the coffee from the side table and raising it towards Cisco briefly in muted thanks. He sips at it slowly, running his free hand through his hair a few times to make it borderline presentable, glancing briefly to the side to give Cisco a look. He already knows what he's thinking — or what he should be, anyway, which is some crack about not owning a comb. Harrison quietly muses over that for a moment before reaching over to stroke Cisco's hair slowly, brushing some of it back behind his ears.
He was never very good with words, but he hopes, at least, that his actions will speak volumes. I'll miss you. I didn't hate it here. I think I care about you. ... though perhaps silence is just as golden.
After a few minutes, once he's finished his coffee, he pulls away from Cisco and stands, setting the mug aside and scooping up his pants and his jacket. It takes him only a few minutes to really pull himself together, checking his appearance in the mirror briefly, then turns back towards him. There's two words that he really doesn't want to say at this very moment, but they're long past due. If they're late, he'll never hear the end of it from Jesse. ]
It's time.
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But that's not the kind of thing he can think about right now. It's hard enough, enduring these final quiet moments together. He drops his gaze when his eyes start to get too wet, but no tears fall, so it's okay. When Harry gets up and starts getting dressed, Cisco gets the opportunity he needs to compose himself. He has to put on a normal face, a passable face, for their formal goodbye at S.T.A.R. Labs. The night had been theirs, and now it's back to playing the role of 'moderately sad teammate/ friend'. ]
You got your things?
[ When he sees that Harry has everything, Cisco shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, nods, and leads the way out of the apartment. Normally, if they're not talking about science, he is the one who fills up the silence with chatter. But he's not feeling talkative, this morning, so they make the drive back to S.T.A.R. Labs in silence. Cisco has settled into a kind of sleep-deprived numbness that he's grateful for. It'll help him save face for the fake goodbye. When they get up to the doors, Cisco stops. This is his last chance to say something to Harry, in private. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Eventually Cisco shakes his head and goes in, squaring his shoulders and forcing a smile that hopefully, Caitlin and Barry and the rest of them won't notice is miserable around the edges. ]
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It doesn't take long for Garrick to get them back to their world. Harrison and Jesse step away from the breach and make their way out, wide-eyed at the world around them. Central City had . . . certainly seen better days, but it was already clear that word of Zoom's defeat — or at the very least, his disappearance — had already spread. Buildings were being patched up, roads repaved, rails fixed— it wasn't instantaneous, but it was a process that had already been started.
Garrick steps forward, resting a hand on Harrison's shoulder and giving him a firm nod. Of course. Even though he'd spent months on end trapped in a cell, in that claustrophobic mask, he'd still spent enough time on their Earth to care about it. Figures, that that's how the actual Jay Garrick would be. Harrison shakes his head slowly, turning back towards the city and scanning it carefully, smile beginning to fade. Turns out, they didn't need him at all, and isn't that a kick to the teeth. But then again, he muses idly, maybe "Harrison Wells" has done more than enough for this world. It was probably past time for him to step back and let people like Detective West-Allen take the lead. Though really, he should have just—
No. Jesse needs him. Jesse, who's still recovering from her time with Zoom. Jesse, who doesn't have any close family beyond himself — family that will be there when it counts. He reaches over to rub at his wristwatch nervously, then furrows his brows in confusion when he realizes that his wrist is, in fact, completely bare. Did he leave it behind? Or stuff it away somewhere? Harrison pauses, reaching around for his backpack and unzips it to start sifting through, trying to see if maybe he slid it in the night before without thinking. His fingers brush along a box — a box? He doesn't remember putting a box in there. Carefully, Harrison pulls it out of his backpack, puzzled at first. It takes a moment for the post-it on it to catch his eye.
"to remember me by"
Harrison can feel his heart almost instantly sink at the familiar handwriting, the chicken scratch he'd insulted on a weekly basis, and slowly opens up the box, going through the contents. He lets out a quick, soft laugh at the ball and the markers because that's just like him, isn't it, giving him more ammunition now that he's out of dodge. The USB — well. He can only guess what's on there and knowing Cisco, it's probably pictures. He hopes it's pictures anyway because it suddenly occurs to him that he has maybe one or two at most. Harrison had never been one to take many; it was always those around him that did.
And there it is, the watch. The watch that Cisco hated, the watch that had ignited weeks of animosity between the two of them, and Cisco had . . . apparently taken it and upgraded it instead of dismantling it when given the chance. Harrison stares down at the note numbly, running his thumb across the watch as he reads it. After a moment, he lets out a huff — mostly to mask the lump that had started to form in his throat — and slips the watch back on, glancing up. Jesse had been eying him curiously, brows furrowing with concern, and approaches him when their eyes meet, taking a moment to inspect the box he was holding, realizing at once where it had come from. She glances back at Garrick who gives her another nod, then reaches over to tug at his sleeve, pulling him aside.
And then proceeds to lay into him completely.
He'd be proud if he weren't the focus of her ire. It was extremely apparent that the two of them were cut from the same cloth and when push comes to shove, Jesse Wells is her father's daughter. Words like "stupidly self-sacrificial" get thrown about almost immediately and that's not exactly a point he can argue with, especially when he'd considered stepping down from his position at the company only moments ago while continuing to work tirelessly in the shadows, as he had on Earth-1. Still. He can be just as stubborn as her and crosses his arms, countering each of her points with one of his own. He'd thought this through, he'd said his goodbyes. He had to move on— he had to, what other choice did he have?
"Take me out of the equation. Would you stay or go?"
"What are you—"
"You are such a pain, Dad. Just answer the question! — No thinking, come on! Stay? Or go?"
"— Stay."
Harrison had half-expected her to have the same hollowed out, almost betrayed look that Cisco had had when he'd told him he was leaving, but she only smiles in response, rubbing at his arms lightly, and tells him that yeah, that's what she'd thought. She'd known, better than he had, anyway. He was doing this for her and in time, he'd come to be unhappy. If not today, then tomorrow or the next day or a month down the road. Maybe resent her for it one day even, she reasons. Harrison knows better; he never could. But the rest rings true. Setting her aside, setting all the somewhat legitimate guilt he may feel about his particle accelerator — at this point, there is far more for him to do on the other Earth than there is here.
She gestures to Jay Garrick, though it seems like he already knows what's been happening. What exactly was said between the two of them before, anyway? The thought crosses Harrison's mind briefly, but he pushes it to one side almost instantly. Jesse tugs at Harrison's backpack, pulling out a key card, and passes it over to Garrick, who's then gone and back almost in an instant, passing a dufflebag over to him with ease before returning the card to Jesse. A glance passes between father and daughter, and she raises an eyebrow at him. It dawns on him — she's not giving him the chance to make excuses and back away again. He has what he needs.
The two follow Jay Garrick a few steps back into the building where the breach awaits. The speedster steps towards the breach, arms crossed, waiting. Of course he's waiting, he's been waiting for who knows how long to return to his own Earth. But first—
Harrison pulls Jesse in close, hugging her tighter than perhaps he should, though she doesn't seem to mind in the least as she laughs quietly, wrapping her own arms around him. Harrison can feel the sadness start to settle in the pit of his stomach and he lets out a sharp intake of air, fingers curling as tears slowly prick at his eyes. If anything, he's more of a mess than Jesse, but maybe that's because she'd known and had accepted it long before he had, letting her sorrow run its course. It's a good long while before they pull back, Jesse staring up at him with a soft, sad smile and reaching up to brush at his face with her fingers, and the two of them share another laugh — probably their last one for awhile, though not forever.
It's a good thing, he tells himself as he reluctantly pulls away, shouldering his backpack. She's 18 now, she'd be leaving home eventually. And it's not forever. If the past year's taught him anything, it's that it never is when it comes to the two of them.
Going back through the breach again is . . . not unpleasant, but it's clear that Garrick had taken more care when Jesse was also in tow. Then again, better that they make it back quickly, before much more time passes. How long had it been — maybe a couple hours? He's not really sure. He only knows that when the two of them leap back through the breach and Garrick steadies him with one firm hand, the room is empty and he can only muster out a rough "thanks" as he regains his bearings, glancing around. The lights are out and the halls are quiet, which would be concerning to anyone else if he weren't certain that it was just that most everyone else had left, gone off to take a well deserved break. The two exchange looks and Garrick gives him another nod before heading back through the breach.
And that's it, isn't it.
Harrison runs a hand through his hair and swallows hard, mouth dry. He hadn't realized until now how dry it was, how tired he'd been. All he wants to do is head home and crawl into bed, but that's a problem on an Earth where he doesn't have a real home anymore. It's probably too late to take back the notice for the apartment and if there's one thing he's learned over the past few months, it's that he's so, so tired of being alone. He shoulders his backpack again, shifting the duffle bag as well, and makes his way through the halls of S.T.A.R. Labs slowly, cautiously glancing into one room after another, looking for any signs of life still there. Slow because he's tired, but he's also not stupid. If they were to shoot first and ask questions later at this point with anyone they weren't expecting there, well. He can't really blame them.
Naturally, it's Allen he runs into first. Allen, who doesn't quite seem all there, which is particularly notable by the unfocused look in his eyes and the cagey body language. Verbally sparring with him has always been strangely calming — I leave for two hours, Allen, and what exactly have you gotten up to? — and today is no different. They yell until one of them is hoarse — this time, it's Barry, and that's mildly concerning and something Harrison files away for a later date — and then quietly find a middle ground of their own. This time, Allen agrees to go to Joe, to take it easy for a few days. Let Wally take him around town, maybe. He's dubious at best as to whether Allen will actually go along with it or come up with some sort of asinine caper instead, but he's done what he can. Casually, as though it's merely an afterthought, he asks about Cisco. His voice should be carrying through the halls by now, going on about one project or another. Allen shakes his head, gestures over his shoulder — he looked wrecked, Wells, I mean wrecked — and in that moment, maybe Barry Allen isn't as oblivious as he'd thought. Yet another thing to file away for later.
He briefly thanks him before brushing past him and out to the van pool, snatching up a set of keys. Of course Ramon went home. Of course he's going to— what, wallow? He should have known better. Did he even sleep last night? Harrison glances to the left at his watch briefly. No, of course not. When would he have had the chance to sleep, with everything else he'd been up to? Sneaking around, planting— gifts. He grits his teeth. ]
Damnit, Ramon.
[ It doesn't take long to get to his apartment building, though speeding there helps. He hops out of the van, leaving both bags in there for now, and makes his way to his apartment, not even bothering to pull a baseball cap on or attempt to be subtle. He left subtlety on the other side of the breach. When he reaches the door, he knocks at it abruptly, raising his voice. ]
Open the door, Ramon.
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He doesn't leave S.T.A.R. Labs right away. He sticks around, cleaning listlessly, trying to get work done but dropping whatever he picks up after only a few seconds. Work should be able to distract him. Since when has he not been able to take his mind off things with machines? But it's no use. So he slouches into the Cortex, tells Barry that he's going home. He gives some excuse, but he can't even remember what it was a moment after. Nothing seems to be sticking to his mind: it all slides off a moment later, leaving no impression.
Probably he shouldn't even be driving in this state, but he makes it back to his apartment without running over any small children or getting into any collisions. He shuts the door, kicks off his shoes. He's halfway to the kitchen to start another pot of coffee when he starts crying. It happens all at once - one moment, he is fine, and the next the dam inside him breaks. A kitchen floor seems like as good a place as any to have a cry, so Cisco sits down, his back against the fridge, and bawls his eyes out.
He hasn't cried like this in a long time - the intense stress of the last few weeks (months, he thinks) contributes some, as does the sleep deprivation. But it's also just because he can't picture his life tomorrow and the day after and the day after without Harry. Even before they had hooked up, he had become a permanent fixture at S.T.A.R. Labs. In Cisco's life. He can't think of the last time when a day has gone by and he hasn't seen Harry for at least a few minutes.
Cisco is still crying when the door rattles on its hinges, the loud knock startling him badly. What awful timing. Is it Joe, or Barry, did something else go wrong-
Then he hears that voice, and it just. Can't be.
Cisco dries his cheeks hastily with his sleeves and gets to his feet, rushing over to the door. Confusion mutes all other emotions, for the time being. They are suspended until he figures out what this is. For all he knows, Harry's forgotten something in his room, even though he checked. So Cisco opens the door, not saying anything at all. He knows already that his face will say plenty - that his eyes and nose are red from crying and he can't stop sniffing and he must look completely miserable. ]
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He'd figured that he would give Cisco an ample amount of crap over hiding that box in his backpack almost immediately, but that seems cruel now in the wake of his puffy eyes and streams of sniffles. The truth seems to die just as quickly in his throat though — too complicated for his doorstep, where they're both emotionally charged. It suddenly strikes him in that moment how incredibly lame his back and forth had been. Go through all the motions of leaving the universe, with the grand goodbye to all his friends and everything, and then end up changing his mind at nearly the very last second? Ridiculous. It's more complicated, he knows, but complicated isn't working right now.
Complicated is the silence hanging between the two of them as Harrison flounders, trying to find the exact words to explain what happened and why he's standing there in front of him now.
Better to start softly. ]
Turns out. [ He licks at his lips, searching for the words to explain, eyes flicking from the door to his feet to his face. It takes another moment and he doesn't look entirely satisfied with what he settles on saying, spreading his hands out in a gesture of acquiescence. ] I'm home.
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Harry might not be a man of many words, but it isn't often that he hesitates to speak. And once he finally does, Cisco doesn't understand at first. His mouth as gone dry; he has to swallow a few times before he can speak, his voice soft but (fortunately) unwavering. ]
I don't- I don't understand.
[ Then, through the fog of sleep-deprivation and confusion and hurt, Cisco gets it. Or, at least, he thinks he does. But what if that is just pathetic, desperate hope, suggesting impossibilities? Cisco wants to believe it, but the hope hurts even more than the loss had. Harry can't mean that this is home, can he? Harry had made up his mind. Cisco had accepted that. He hadn't tried to argue, to hold onto him when he wanted to go.
His voice does shake a little as he asks: ]
Are you saying you're... back for good? You're not leaving, after all?
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Still, Harrison steels himself, pulls himself back together within seconds as he dips his head briefly, hands slipping into his coat pockets. As tired as he was, he was more tired of dancing around things trying to make them better — for Jesse, for Cisco, for any of them. It was easier if he just went with his gut. ]
Yes, Ramon. [ At that, he cocks his head to one side, raising an eyebrow. ] As a matter of fact. I am. Unless you think I'm standing out here on your Earth for some other reason. [ A beat. ] Allen was right, you look like hell. Bed, now.
[ He snaps his fingers at that — a gesture he used infrequently in the labs, mostly when he wanted to make a point and make it obnoxiously — pointing in the direction of his room. If he can at least stir something in Cisco, get the fight going in him again, well. That'll be a start. Enough of one, anyway. A step in the right direction. ]
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There's no way you could fake that level of rudeness. ]
Did- you just. Snap in my face?
[ He looks affronted for a few seconds; like hell is he going to go where Harry is pointing, do what he says. If he looks like hell, well, it's Harry's own damn fault for it, for scaring him like that. For leaving.
But Cisco can't be angry at him. Not right now, anyway. Not when he'd just a few moments before been sobbing over how much he would miss him. He grabs Harry by the front of the shirt and hauls him inside the threshold, not even bothering to close the door before he's hugging him tightly. ]
I thought -
[ It's hard to get the words out, because the hope in his chest keeps growing, taking up more and more space. Harry says he is staying. That this is home. He's acting - like himself. His normal self, the way he'd been before he announced he would be leaving. Cisco is shaking but even now he can't quite believe it, can't let himself just be relieved. ]
What about Jesse? What about- all of it?
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[ He had every intention of asking him what he planned on doing about that, but Cisco beats him to the punch by pulling him in and hugging him fiercely. Harrison gives him a small, fond smile at that, wrapping his arms around him in turn, rubbing at his back lightly when he feels him start to shake. This is more like it. This feels right.
As for the rest of it— well. ]
You know, Ramon, that. That is a very funny story. [ He clears his throat. ] Which involves my daughter bawling me out in public — with, I should add, the actual Jay Garrick right there — after I found a certain box that had been slipped into my backpack without my knowledge.
[ He raises an eyebrow down at him, making it clear that despite what he may say, he's not really annoyed by it. It's more amusement than anything.
(though in this situation, if he doesn't laugh, he'll probably cry internally and he's so, so sick of that) ]
So. We talked it over. Jesse and a few of my assistants will take over S.T.A.R. Labs. She stays out of trouble while she finishes her degrees. My company can do some good. And I won't be there to stand in the way with my "stubbornness."
[ He's making light of it, but the truth is that they don't need him. They don't need his guilt, wouldn't know where to even begin to funnel it, and after the public display of a few months ago, with his name etched in fire in a few buildings, Jesse had very fairly pointed out that perhaps he'd be better off letting their world's injuries scab over before he starts picking at it.
It still hurts. Breathing is still difficult, knowing that Jesse is an entire universe away from him. But she's safe, she's healthy, she's focused and brilliant, and their Earth is better in her hands than it would have been his. He has to believe her, has to believe that much at least.
Which leaves him with this Earth. These people, his people. He pulls Cisco in a bit closer, tone softening just slightly. ]
Besides. I can't leave Joe alone with the three of you.
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Oh right, I shoulda guessed. Just a favor to Joe. Of course
[ His voice is still small and cracked from crying, but there's a thin note of sarcasm to it now, a trace of his usual humor. Cisco isn't fooled, not one bit. Harry had come back for them all. Joe, and Barry, and Caitlin, and him. Because in his own prickly and awkward way, he cares about them.
Which doesn't mean that it will be easy for him, being separated from his daughter. But, privately, elatedly, Cisco thinks this might actually be good for the two of them. It's not just his selfishness, causing him to think that. When he'd been Jesse's age, being apart from his family had been a precious and necessary thing. And even though there's no comparison, between the families, he feels like some space will probably do them good, too. ]
Any time you wanna talk to her, I'll project you over.
[ Harry's hand moving against his back is familiar and comforting. It takes less time than Cisco would have thought, for the shock to fade and for him to accept that Harry is back for good. But the fact is that Harry belongs here. On this Earth and with him - working and bickering and pretending to be mad about things that actually please him. Him saying he would leave, that had been the unnatural thing. This? Is easier to believe. ]
Thank you. For coming back.
[ It's difficult to make himself let go, but he does. There will be other chances to hold onto Harry. They have so much time, now. Cisco wipes at his eyes again with his sleeves and grins. The last 48 hours have certainly been an emotional rollercoaster. It feels like it's been a year since they beat Zoom, not just over a day. ]
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[ He really doesn't. If anything, Harrison should probably be apologizing to him for putting him through the emotional wringer. But he's not one for apologies — at least, not unless they're absolutely necessary.
When Cisco pulls back, he keeps a hand on his shoulder, frowning slightly as Cisco wipes at his eyes. He reaches in with his own sleeve to wipe away anything else from Cisco's eyes, murmuring. ]
Look at you. You're a mess . . .
[ There's nothing accusatory in that statement, though. If anything, it's as close as he'll come to an apology, mild concern showing through in his eyes, in his voice. Of course Cisco had tried to be strong and held all of it in until he was gone. Of course he'd hole himself up in his apartment, so he could be miserable by himself. Harrison rubs at his shoulder with a thumb, then gives him a light push to turn him around, in the direction of his bedroom, and kicks the door shut behind him with his foot. ]
When did you last sleep? Don't answer that, I don't want to know. [ Another nudge at that. ] Bed. C'mon.
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So it's nice, having Harry turning him around by the shoulders and marching him back to his bedroom. It removes the necessity of needing to make that one decision for himself, for th[ ]e time being. He tries to hold back a yawn as they make their way down the hall. ]
I'm perfectly capable of pulling an all-nighter and functioning just fine...
[ Which he realizes a moment too late is actually answering the question Harry had said he didn't want answered. Oops. Oh well. He flops onto his messy bed, dragging the duvet over himself and saying: ]
Don't let me sleep too long.
[ At that point, the shock of Harry's return has sunk in enough for Cisco to think logistics. He'd already gotten rid of the other apartment, hadn't he? Or at least, put in mention the gears to do so, which could not be halted easily, without a lot of fuss and explanation. Hopefully, he asks: ]
You're going to live here, aren't you?
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You'll survive. [ A beat. ] Since when have you ever had a normal sleep schedule, anyway?
[ He lets out a snort, straightening a few things up here and there — throwing a pillow back onto the bed (underhanded, so it gracefully lands on top of Cisco), snatching up the coffee mug he'd left on the bedside table this morning (which, in hindsight, seems needlessly cruel, and he's quick to set it outside the door to throw in the dishwasher later), and scooping up a few articles of clothing and tossing them to the side in a pile. At that last question, he glances back over, raising an eyebrow. ]
I don't have anywhere else to go now, do I?
[ Which isn't entirely true. Now that Wally is aware of everything, Joe might be more amenable to letting him crash on his couch for a bit, at least until he worked out something else with an apartment. Snow had a basement. And when in doubt, he could always set himself back up in S.T.A.R. Labs and pull out a cot again. But none of those places really had a "home"-y feel to them. Granted, Cisco's apartment didn't either and in his opinion, it needed a fair amount of fixing up (he distinctly recalls it being cleaner before). But it could be.
Harrison pauses, then sits down on the edge of the bed, reaching over to pull the pillow off of Cisco and set it back at the head of the bed, before quietly clasping his hands in his lap. He doesn't have to sit there and stare at him until he sleeps, he knows — Cisco isn't him and he'll drift off soon enough. But he does feel responsible on some level. It's a powerful thing. ]
Yeah. I am.
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Good.
[ That smile only gets wider when Harry perches on the bed near him, quietly keeping him company. Any other day he might tease him for just sitting there watching him (and maybe he'll do it later, when he wakes up), but for now, Cisco is too too grateful for his presence to complain. Cisco keeps one hand tucked under his cheek, but he lets the other one come to rest near to Harry on the bed. Not touching him, but close enough that he could, if he just reached out his fingers. ]
You're really one to talk about- [ He is interrupted by a huge yawn ] -sleep schedules.
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