[ Harrison lets out a rough noise of exasperation. He'd said he'd help, but that's not the same as this. There's a difference between him trying to keep Barry Allen from killing himself and him completely supporting a very bad plan. He waves a hand flippantly, gesturing in Cisco's direction. ]
Yes. I did bring the goggles. And I'm going to keep the rest of you from killing yourselves. [ He shifts his position, crossing his arms and frowning. This isn't about him, not right now. ] What made you change yours so fast, Ramon?
[ He'd seen the look on Cisco's face when he ripped the goggles off and bolted for the door, asking them not to ask him to do that again. Truth be told, he wasn't all that broken up by Cisco's refusal to open the breach. But it was also a gateway to exploring his powers more. In other words, not something he should be forced to do against his will abruptly. But Harrison knew Barry Allen and he knew Cisco Ramon and how Barry, intentionally or not, knew exactly what buttons to press with Cisco to cave to him completely. Normally, Harrison didn't mind letting Barry's poor choices blow up in his face, but— this was beyond that. ]
You didn't want to. Now you do? [ A beat. ] You let Allen pressure you into it. Again.
[ It would be impossible not to feel a little accused. Cisco is already a bit raw from his talk with Barry, and the fact is that Harry hasn't spoken to him like this in a long time. Even at his most frustrated - when his search for Jesse was going poorly, when his anger over Jay's betrayal was closest to the surface - he didn't get this heated. Crossing his arms tightly over his chest, Cisco listens to Harry as it becomes clear this is less about the breach and more about him. ]
I changed my mind, so what?
[ He means that to come out much more acidic than it does. Instead, it just sounds small, unconvincing. Which it shouldn't, since it's the truth. ]
Didn't realize that was a crime.
[ Cisco thinks he can tell what Harry's getting at, but it's nonsense and not worth dignifying. Barry is Barry. He doesn't pressure people, he inspires them. He's a hero. It's what he does. It's not Barry's fault that Cisco is a coward who required extra convincing. Harry's got the wrong idea of it. ]
[ He's batting the ball back in Cisco's court almost immediately, voice rough and aggravated now. Frustrated that he doesn't see what he's doing, angry that it's happening again and again and again, and if there's concern for him deep, deep down inside, it's not showing through currently. ]
Why are you always letting people use you, Ramon? [ and, as if he wasn't abundantly clear just now: ] First your weapons. Now your powers — your powers that, not too long ago, you didn't want anyone, not even Barry Allen, to ask you to use.
[ Maybe part of it is that he's terrified of that breach being opened again. He hasn't entirely dismissed that possibility, but it's also hard to forget the fear in Cisco's eyes when he saw what he could do. That's not something to force on someone. He should have known better. Barry should have known better. ]
[ Cisco wouldn't have made it this far, working so closely with Harry, and now also being his - boyfriend? lover? what even is the word for the two of them? - on the side if he didn't know that for Harry, the best solution is to match him in intensity. So if Harry wants to go full throttle right now, that's what Cisco's going to do, too. Because no amount of logic or appeasing is going to make him slow down.
It never had, before. ]
Yeah, I did, you think I'm lying?
[ Cisco sounds angry now, too. But it's a very particular anger - one that Harry's seen from him before plenty of times. When Cisco gets scared, this is his defense: sarcasm, or anger, or both. And Cisco's heart is racing right now like it had been that time he almost went skydiving.
Because underneath the show of anger, more visibly than he realizes, Cisco is suddenly doubting himself. Harry's right. He'd been so set against opening any breaches. Even with Harry and Barry standing there watching him, even with that wonderful thrill of the power moving through him, he'd said no. And at the time, saying no had felt scarier than just going along with their plan.
But he'd done it. He'd refused, and he'd meant it, and he'd left and he'd hidden in the hopes that no one would give him shit about it.
How had he gotten from point A to point B? Was it really just Barry's unbelievable ability to inspire people to be the best they can? Or... is he really as much of a pushover as Harry is saying? He thinks it might be the latter. He's afraid that it might be. And that fear transmutes into a dry, bitter snap in his words as he says: ]
Funny, never seemed to bother you when it was you.
[ Because he doesn't get it. Why is Harry suddenly bringing this up? If Barry uses him, then Harry has used him just as much, and far less gently, all things considered. Has he really forgotten that? About Dr. Light's helmet, and his theory about Turtle's powers, and that stunt with the Reverse Flash suit, and coming to Earth 2 to vibe, and the thousand other little things in between.
But just moments after he's said the words, Cisco regrets them. He brings a hand up to cover his mouth, looking at Harry with wide eyes. ]
[ He's about to open his mouth to shoot back a response to that — that yes, he does think he's lying, to himself at least, and maybe that's something to consider — when Cisco snaps at him, cutting through him cleanly in roughly ten words. Harrison immediately stiffens when he hears that, staring ahead blankly at him like he'd been punched in the stomach.
It lasts for maybe five, ten seconds tops, even if it feels like an eternity to him. Because— he's not entirely wrong. Stress had driven Harrison to do a number of things he'd maybe think on more under entirely different circumstances, and Cisco had, time and time again, been the bystander that was drawn into the fray. Truth be told, without Jesse around, knowing she was trapped with Zoom of all people, Harrison couldn't breathe. He barely slept, ate only when necessary — everything fell by the wayside, including level-headedness.
Slowly, he squares his shoulders, staring ahead at Cisco flatly with his jaw set. Cisco's already covering his mouth, already regretting the words that had come pouring out, but Harrison can't bring himself to care much as he glares sharply at him. His voice lowers to a rough rasp, words like acid as they slip off his tongue. ]
So. That's how you feel?
[ He pauses for only a second, just long enough for those words to hang there but not long enough to allow a response before he continues. He lets out a soft chuckle, a mix of disbelief and anger and some hurt mixed in with all of that, shaking his head and looking to the side. ]
You really—
[ And then Harrison cuts himself off, chewing on his lower lip in frustration as he puts his hands on his hips, looking off to the side in annoyance. He then shoves his hands into his pockets, giving him a hard look. ]
[ Of course, all those things had happened, but Cisco is past it. He thought he was past it. Isn't he?
But how can he be, when those words came so quickly to his lips, almost without conscious thought? He doesn't know why he'd hurled that accusation in Harry's face. He had just been so caught off guard by what he said, so afraid that Harry was right about him.
And now Cisco can see the hurt in the way Harry's standing, in how he's looking away. There was a time when he might have ridden on the crest of that anger, really nailed the point home, made his point explicit with numerous examples. But back then, he wouldn't have thought Harry would care much one way or another. His anger would've been a reflexive response to Harry's indifferent. And right now, Harry's anything but indifferent, no matter what he might be trying to project.
Cisco swallows, dropping his head forward into his hands. If he apologizes now, will it make Harry more or less angry? Will apologizing make him a pushover? Will not apologizing mean Harry breaking up with him. It's all such a mess and Cisco doesn't know what's right, doesn't know what he should do. So he defaults to what feels right - quiet, hoarse apologies. ]
I don't know why I said that. I'm really sorry. That was totally below the belt.
[ His voice is a steady rasp as he turns his gaze back towards him, staring flatly. He had to have meant it on some level; otherwise, why even say it? And it wasn't like he was wrong, either. Harrison had just thought they'd moved past that by now. Apparently, he'd thought wrong. The apology . . . he can only sigh inwardly at it, shifting his eyes away. It feels like avoidance, like a way to duck it all and pretend everything is fine without really listening.
Harrison shakes his head, turning around and heading towards the door. Why did he even think talking would work? It's never worked in the past. Why would it suddenly all work out now? Better to cut his losses and leave now without another word than continue a fruitless back and forth. ]
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franciscoramon) wrote2015-02-21 01:38 am
no subject
Yes. I did bring the goggles. And I'm going to keep the rest of you from killing yourselves. [ He shifts his position, crossing his arms and frowning. This isn't about him, not right now. ] What made you change yours so fast, Ramon?
[ He'd seen the look on Cisco's face when he ripped the goggles off and bolted for the door, asking them not to ask him to do that again. Truth be told, he wasn't all that broken up by Cisco's refusal to open the breach. But it was also a gateway to exploring his powers more. In other words, not something he should be forced to do against his will abruptly. But Harrison knew Barry Allen and he knew Cisco Ramon and how Barry, intentionally or not, knew exactly what buttons to press with Cisco to cave to him completely. Normally, Harrison didn't mind letting Barry's poor choices blow up in his face, but— this was beyond that. ]
You didn't want to. Now you do? [ A beat. ] You let Allen pressure you into it. Again.
no subject
I changed my mind, so what?
[ He means that to come out much more acidic than it does. Instead, it just sounds small, unconvincing. Which it shouldn't, since it's the truth. ]
Didn't realize that was a crime.
[ Cisco thinks he can tell what Harry's getting at, but it's nonsense and not worth dignifying. Barry is Barry. He doesn't pressure people, he inspires them. He's a hero. It's what he does. It's not Barry's fault that Cisco is a coward who required extra convincing. Harry's got the wrong idea of it. ]
no subject
[ He's batting the ball back in Cisco's court almost immediately, voice rough and aggravated now. Frustrated that he doesn't see what he's doing, angry that it's happening again and again and again, and if there's concern for him deep, deep down inside, it's not showing through currently. ]
Why are you always letting people use you, Ramon? [ and, as if he wasn't abundantly clear just now: ] First your weapons. Now your powers — your powers that, not too long ago, you didn't want anyone, not even Barry Allen, to ask you to use.
[ Maybe part of it is that he's terrified of that breach being opened again. He hasn't entirely dismissed that possibility, but it's also hard to forget the fear in Cisco's eyes when he saw what he could do. That's not something to force on someone. He should have known better. Barry should have known better. ]
no subject
It never had, before. ]
Yeah, I did, you think I'm lying?
[ Cisco sounds angry now, too. But it's a very particular anger - one that Harry's seen from him before plenty of times. When Cisco gets scared, this is his defense: sarcasm, or anger, or both. And Cisco's heart is racing right now like it had been that time he almost went skydiving.
Because underneath the show of anger, more visibly than he realizes, Cisco is suddenly doubting himself. Harry's right. He'd been so set against opening any breaches. Even with Harry and Barry standing there watching him, even with that wonderful thrill of the power moving through him, he'd said no. And at the time, saying no had felt scarier than just going along with their plan.
But he'd done it. He'd refused, and he'd meant it, and he'd left and he'd hidden in the hopes that no one would give him shit about it.
How had he gotten from point A to point B? Was it really just Barry's unbelievable ability to inspire people to be the best they can? Or... is he really as much of a pushover as Harry is saying? He thinks it might be the latter. He's afraid that it might be. And that fear transmutes into a dry, bitter snap in his words as he says: ]
Funny, never seemed to bother you when it was you.
[ Because he doesn't get it. Why is Harry suddenly bringing this up? If Barry uses him, then Harry has used him just as much, and far less gently, all things considered. Has he really forgotten that? About Dr. Light's helmet, and his theory about Turtle's powers, and that stunt with the Reverse Flash suit, and coming to Earth 2 to vibe, and the thousand other little things in between.
But just moments after he's said the words, Cisco regrets them. He brings a hand up to cover his mouth, looking at Harry with wide eyes. ]
no subject
It lasts for maybe five, ten seconds tops, even if it feels like an eternity to him. Because— he's not entirely wrong. Stress had driven Harrison to do a number of things he'd maybe think on more under entirely different circumstances, and Cisco had, time and time again, been the bystander that was drawn into the fray. Truth be told, without Jesse around, knowing she was trapped with Zoom of all people, Harrison couldn't breathe. He barely slept, ate only when necessary — everything fell by the wayside, including level-headedness.
Slowly, he squares his shoulders, staring ahead at Cisco flatly with his jaw set. Cisco's already covering his mouth, already regretting the words that had come pouring out, but Harrison can't bring himself to care much as he glares sharply at him. His voice lowers to a rough rasp, words like acid as they slip off his tongue. ]
So. That's how you feel?
[ He pauses for only a second, just long enough for those words to hang there but not long enough to allow a response before he continues. He lets out a soft chuckle, a mix of disbelief and anger and some hurt mixed in with all of that, shaking his head and looking to the side. ]
You really—
[ And then Harrison cuts himself off, chewing on his lower lip in frustration as he puts his hands on his hips, looking off to the side in annoyance. He then shoves his hands into his pockets, giving him a hard look. ]
Fine. It's your life, Ramon.
no subject
[ Of course, all those things had happened, but Cisco is past it. He thought he was past it. Isn't he?
But how can he be, when those words came so quickly to his lips, almost without conscious thought? He doesn't know why he'd hurled that accusation in Harry's face. He had just been so caught off guard by what he said, so afraid that Harry was right about him.
And now Cisco can see the hurt in the way Harry's standing, in how he's looking away. There was a time when he might have ridden on the crest of that anger, really nailed the point home, made his point explicit with numerous examples. But back then, he wouldn't have thought Harry would care much one way or another. His anger would've been a reflexive response to Harry's indifferent. And right now, Harry's anything but indifferent, no matter what he might be trying to project.
Cisco swallows, dropping his head forward into his hands. If he apologizes now, will it make Harry more or less angry? Will apologizing make him a pushover? Will not apologizing mean Harry breaking up with him. It's all such a mess and Cisco doesn't know what's right, doesn't know what he should do. So he defaults to what feels right - quiet, hoarse apologies. ]
I don't know why I said that. I'm really sorry. That was totally below the belt.
no subject
[ His voice is a steady rasp as he turns his gaze back towards him, staring flatly. He had to have meant it on some level; otherwise, why even say it? And it wasn't like he was wrong, either. Harrison had just thought they'd moved past that by now. Apparently, he'd thought wrong. The apology . . . he can only sigh inwardly at it, shifting his eyes away. It feels like avoidance, like a way to duck it all and pretend everything is fine without really listening.
Harrison shakes his head, turning around and heading towards the door. Why did he even think talking would work? It's never worked in the past. Why would it suddenly all work out now? Better to cut his losses and leave now without another word than continue a fruitless back and forth. ]